The New, Exciting, and Surprising (AKA Where I Have Been)

So what has been going on this past year? Where I have been?
Well for starters, not really on here writing much.

Each year of the pandemic has been different. With it, has brought in new experiences; some wonderful and some harder than others.
January 22 is the first anniversary of dad's death. It is crazy to think a year has passed where I haven't been able to hear his voice or hug him. I believe and trust he is in the Joy of Heaven, but as the Christmas season drew closer, I felt the ache of missing him all the more.
Christmas was particularly hard for me this year. Namely, one of them dad being gone. 
This year on January 22, I will attend Mass at my little parish where the priest will offer the Mass for dad's soul. Later in the afternoon, my siblings and I will go to my mom's house for lunch and then the 5pm Mass at the parish we grew up at, where dad served as the deacon for many years.
If could remember the soul of Deacon Kevin and my family on January 22, I would be so grateful.
I shared the exciting news about my new job. My little office is nicely set up in my bedroom, and I am really enjoying wearing my cozy Ugg slippers to work each day. 

I started going to CrossFit last March and am still sticking with it. I love it so much more than I would and it feels amazing to see my body get stronger and what it is capable of doing. One of my goals for 2022 is to spend a month or two working one-on-one with a personal trainer.
In October I ran my third Detroit marathon. It wasn't my best race, but the weather was perfect and I had lots of people cheering me on.
One of the best surprises was beginning to date Joe last December. However, shortly after our one year anniversary and Christmas, we decided to stop dating each other. Honestly, I think I possibly saw it coming since the middle of the summer. 
There was a lot of clarity and peace in the decision but I am sad things did not work out as I hoped. I loved both him and his three kids a lot. In the end, we both are in very different spaces. My heart is grieving right now, but I am proud of myself for not settling and trusting my heart through it all.
I signed up to lead a pilgrimage to the Holy Land with one of my best friends in September. I am so excited to go, I still cannot believe it is actually happening.
I started an LLC for my writing and speaking. I am excited to have some out of state speaking engagements over the next few months, and am hopeful this will lead to more opportunities.
As part of my LLC, I want to re-design this space here with a more professional website. As part of that, I am having a professional photo shoot this Saturday for new headshots. Who am I kidding, I am also absolutely doing it for new photos to use in online dating.
2021 was full of all kinds of things I didn't expect, some wonderful and some more difficult.
I am intrigued to see what 2022 holds for me. The word I picked for the year is STRENGTH, which I think will be teach me something in more ways than one.

I feel like the world is at my finger tips.
I am starting 2022 with some sadness and hurt, but am also brimming with hope and expectant faith.

I look forward to seeing you more around here these parts. :)

Finding Your Way Back to Normal Habits in 2021

In 2020, I went from a vibrant social life life with family and friends and working outside my home, to working at home for months while having very limited physical contact with the people I loved most in the world. I had to learn new healthy coping tools while relying on my tired-and-true ones to help me navigate through difficult things. Some things had to look different for a time in my life, and I am sure that happened in your life as well.
As life begins to feel more normal than it has this past year, it might be a good time to look at some habits that have been neglected in the pandemic. 
What needs some adjusting or tweaking? What simple practices do we need to "begin again" in living our daily lives as life settles down a bit more?

Here are some of the practices we can re-discover in new ways: eating at the table, cleaning your room or making the bed, prioritizing your to-do list, and being friendly out and about in the world.

Read the rest over at Verily . . .


What habits are you re-discovering as life begins to settle and feel a bit more normal these days?

The Advent Jesus & I Stopped Talking ( + what's new)

Why yes I am talking about Advent right smack in the middle of Lent.
Life has changed a lot over the last two months, most especially with my dad's rapid decline, entering hospice, and passing just over a month. Life has been finding a new, yet weird normal.
So anyway, let's back up a bit shall we?
The start to Advent was a bumpy one to say the least. A weeks prior I had broken up with a boyfriend. A good man, but in the end I realized it wasn't going anywhere. On top of that, I was wrapping my mind around the reality this Christmas holiday would be the last with our dad.
While Advent is usually my favorite liturgical season, this year I just felt sad, angry, and frustrated. Life felt like it was not in a place I wanted. I did not want to be single again and my dad was dying. I started grieving deeply for him even while he was still alive and with us.
To say I had a heart full of Advent hope and promise felt like a giant pile of poop, to say it mildly. 
Somewhere within the first week of Advent, I had a very direct and frank conversation with Jesus over my morning coffee. I was pretty honked off. Let's be honest, I was plain pissed off.
In so many (choice!) words, I told Jesus very honestly how I felt. 
I yelled and cried really hard. I told Jesus how sad and helpless I felt watching my dad die; how unfair it felt to know he would not be there with me physically to see me get married or baptize my babies.
I told Jesus I felt so sick and tired of watching life happen to others sometimes, how I hate finding myself in these difficult decisions where I discern it is best to end a relationship with a man. Almost yelling, I hollered at Jesus, "I just want to meet my person, my life partner. I want it to be three times the charm! I want this next time to be the time I meet my person."
I told Jesus how I felt, and honestly for the rest of Advent, we didn't talk much...like at all.
I kept praying daily on some level and was making my way through helpful spiritual reading my spiritual director had suggested for me. Yet, Jesus and I just stopped talking over Advent.
And yet, Advent felt very peaceful, almost freeing. I sat in a lot of silence. I did not really "do" much of anything extra. Somehow Advent felt sacred even if Jesus and I were in the middle of a Taylor Swift break-up song.
I spent Advent taking care myself, helping care for dad, and dipping my toes back into online dating.
The second week of Advent I got a message back from a handsome ginger on CatholicMatch. Hmmm, he was one of the cuties I dropped a note. Within the week we were texting and had a successful first FaceTime date. Another 5 hour FaceTime date and lots of texts later, he drove down from the west side of Michigan for our first date on 12/23.
And yes, we did Christmas presents for someone we had never met.The rest they say, is history. :) 
While it has only been three months, I can quite confidently say this is something quite different and special. I have both never laughed so hard or been treated with such love and attentiveness before. I think I found my lobster.
My sister has long said she always saw me ending up with someone more like myself in temperament and such. After the first time my mom meet Joe (which he met both my parents once before my dad died, which was so special), she shared she always wanted a ginger in our family someday. While its not anything official yet, I can say we're already seriously talking about those things.I mean he tells me quite often, "You know I am keeping you, right?"

So Advent brought on a new beau, and Jesus and I stopped talking.
Opportunities to do more writing online feel as though they have hit a brick wall in some ways. Some connections have fizzled out, though I have been helpful for some new ones on the horizon.
I did a podcast interview for my friend Beth's podcast.
Last night I signed up for the Detroit Marathon. This will be my third time running it, and this time Joe will be running it with me. His first!I am "toying" with the idea of trying CrossFit.
In March, I will be leading an RCIA retreat for a local parish. 
This Friday I will get my second Fauci Ouchie 2.0 (aka dose 2 of the Moderna vaccine).
As things have opened up more here in Michigan, I have been out to dinner with different friends.
I have been spending time with my mom, helping her find her new pace and way to life on her own.

So Advent brings us to Lent...
I am really not into treating Lent like a personal, spiritual improvement plan, which I have done in the past.
With so much changing for me in the last few months, this Lent I am asking and allowing the Father to love me in new ways, especially with the loss of my earthly dad.
I am sitting with that prayer/intention each morning and that has been just what my spirit needs right now.

What is new with you these days?
How is Lent treating you this year?

Sending you air high-fives and hugs during this season!

Hard Yet Holy: A Corona Thanksgiving & Other Life Updates

2020 has been a hard, heavy not just for some, but in many ways, for all of us.
I have been feeling the impact of some heavy things in my own life over the last few months.
Even though I have very frankly told Jesus I cannot handle one more heavy hit in my life, I know something sacred is going on. Life can be hard, yet holy.


My Dad is dying. Our family is celebrating our last set of holidays with him this year.In July, he was diagnosed with a rare neurological disease similar to ALS. Since then, his health and physical abilities continue to decline. We know it will only get worse from here.My siblings and I each take turns working remotely on days my mom works so my Dad will have someone to help care for him.

It is both devastating and sacred, sad yet holy. Please prayer for my Dad (his name is Deacon Kevin Breen) and our family as we walk this road of suffering and pain with him. 

I am grieving the loss of my Dad as I know him but also the losses which I will experience after he is gone. He will never see me get remarried someday. He will never baptize anymore of his grandchildren or meet any of my babies. 
I am so grateful for the time we are savoring and soaking up as a family as I balance caring for my own emotional and spiritual health during this difficult time.

Hard yet holy.

About five weeks ago, I broke up with my boyfriend. Looking back, I made the best decision for myself in true peace and freedom. I think in all honesty, I saw it coming on certain levels. We ended things amicably, but in the end, there were certain things I began to realize and experience that would not be good for me longterm.
I am getting back into dating (whatever that looks like during a pandemic!?) in a way that feels healthy and empowering for me. I have been on a few dates including two over Zoom, which actually were more fun than I anticipated. 
I know what I want and need in a relationship. I know what I deserve, am worth, and am not willing to put up with. Jesus, can we please have three times be the charm meet the right man for me? You cool with that? Thanks.

Hard yet holy.

A writing project I was hoping would turn into a book deal with a well known Catholic publisher was denied. It was such a disappointment to receive, but I do believe the writing samples I have are a story that needs to be told. Just because this publisher did not want it, does not mean it will never be published.


Because these holidays will be our last with my Dad, all the more reason we safely and carefully got together. It was a special yet bittersweet day. We enjoyed a delicious meal. My BIL made a bonfire outside and we opened the door so my Dad could enjoy it all bundled up. We enjoyed our family tradition of watching Die Hard with our dessert.

There were hard, painful moments, but also moments of laughter and joy together. The day after Thanksgiving my brother, sister and nephew, and I came over to help my parents put up their tree and decorate for Christmas.

No matter how hard the holidays will be this year, I am so grateful we have them this year.

Hard yet holy.

Work is well and I am excited how our RCIA program is going so far. I am looking for some new opportunities to freelance write but nothing new has turned up yet. 

I am honestly not looking forward to Advent and Christmas this year. I feel frustrated and sad when Advent is all about waiting for the coming of Jesus, and what am I waiting for? Well, I am waiting for my Dad to die. 
I had this thought earlier today: Advent could still be a sacred time, even I don't really like or feel close to Jesus right now.There is something there but I am not sure yet what it is.

Hard yet holy.


Maybe there are parts of your life that feel hard and heavy. 
I have a lot of feelings these days on lots of different things. 
But even the hard is holy.

Freshly 35.

Birthdays were always a special part of growing up in my family.
I love to celebrate the birthdays of those I love, but equally love it when friends and family remember me on my special day.
Over the years, I written a birthday post here and there,
Beginning a new decade at 30.
31.  The first birthday after my divorce.
32, which somehow I skipped? LOL.
33. The one where I went to London.
34. A year that was filled with adventure, insight, and a lot of personal growth.

When I turned 35 on September 9, it was a wonderful and special first day of another new year.
I started the day off with the woman who had a date with me 35 years ago in the hospital, my mom.

We met for coffee at my favorite local coffee shop.
I went home to exercise and putter around my apartment. I was showered with texts and phone calls throughout the day from lots of my friends. Both my brother and sister/BIL/nephew had fresh flowers delivered to my apartment.
Another friend sent me a video of her three kiddos singing to me.
Jeff came by and we celebrated in the evening. He took us shoe shopping (what can I say, we both love shoes!? :) and bought me some special gifts. We went to dinner where we had our first date almost a year ago. 

This past year has been filled with many wonderful surprises, growth opportunities, and ways to be stretched in more ways than one (hello pandemic!).
I am grateful for the life I am living right now and all the people in my life to share it with.
We will see what year 35 holds for me. I have to keep reminding myself to not control, lean back, and stay open to receive from God.
Alrighty then 35, let's see what you have in store for me! 

Summer 2020 > Winter 2020

Well hello there! Gosh it's been awhile.
I don't know about you but I have been using social media less frequently these past few months. It's felt refreshing, but I know I've lost a bit of motivation to develop this little space and write more here.
Here is an attempt to get back into the swing of things.


The pandemic has affected life in lots of different ways, but I am grateful life is resuming with more ease and familiarity. I have been going back to Mass and enjoyed connecting with friends in-person as resturaunt began to open up a few months ago.
I will say this much, summer 2020 has been a lot better than winter 2020.
Here is a recap of what I have been up to these last few months.
In June, I went to Illinois and visited my dear friend Christina (and finally met Lauren!). We laughed hard, stayed up late, and I was overjoyed when Christina asked me to be the godmother for baby Lucy. I am so excited to head down there this weekend for her baptism, see some people I love so much, and have Jeff meet some more of my friends.

Back in March Jeff and I were supposed to go on a trip to the Grand Canyon together. Unfortunately, COVID-19 came to Michigan and very quickly things changed and we felt it was better to not go. In June, we used our airline credit to fly to Colorado. 
As a Midwestern girl, I have never seen mountains before. To say I was thrilled when I saw the Rocky Mountains was an understatement. We ate good food, went off roading in the rented Jeep, and enjoyed the beauty of nature surrounding us.

Later in June, Jeff surprised me with a trip to Ludington over the Fourth of July weekend where we camped overnight on the beach at Lake Michigan. We ate roasted chicken and drank gin and tonics, swam in the lake watching fireworks, and fell asleep under the stars.
My mom and I went to a lavender farm and our family celebrated all the family birthdays we missed during quarantine times. 

In July and August, Jeff and I took turns planning some surprise adventures for each other. I took him to the Cross in the Woods Shrine in Indian River and we stayed in Harbor Springs, MI.He planned another weekend for us in Harbor Springs.We've decided we're easily becoming Harbor Springs people.

Over Labor Day, Jeff took us on another adventure to the Upper Peninsula and we stayed in the small but charming town of Grand Marais. We could hear the church bells every hour from the local Catholic church in town from our room. The whitefish was amazing, star gazing incredible, and loved the beauty of Lake Superior and Pictured Rocks.

On the way home we extended our trip and drove to Manitowoc, WI and took a car ferry back to Ludington, MI and then drove home late. A fun, relaxing end to the summer.

Work has been good and I am grateful for things starting to pick up a bit more. I have been working on some writing projects and have been featured on a few different podcasts, which has been fun.
On September 9, I turned 35 (more on that in an upcoming post). It was a wonderful day and I felt so loved and special from all my family, friends, and Jeff.

How has your summer been?! What is new, exciting, or special in your life?

Power Up Your Morning Coffee with Superfoods!

My favorite time of the day is the early morning hours. It is full of such promise and opportunity for what the day will bring - especially making my morning coffee. I grind my favorite beans. I choose a pretty mug from meaningful places where I have traveled or had adventures in life.
My morning routing is more than just a cup of coffee, it is an experience.

If you're a lover of coffee like me, you might be looking for ways to enhance your coffee and add some variety to the everyday - maybe you could try mixing it up with various super foods. With a little boost, your morning cup could actually provide many health benefits.
Here are some of the boosts that I have been using in my coffee, to give you some inspiration for perking up your morning brew:

• Collagen 
• Coconut Oil
• Cinnamon
• Ghee Butter
• Maca Powder

Read more about the power behind these superfoods over at Verily  . . .

3 Big Dating Mistakes Women Make

Ladies, I promise I am not trying to throw you or any of us under the bus.
But...

Can we all admit to something?
All of us who are dating and seeking to find the right man (or woman if you're a man reading this) have made dating mistakes along the way. I could write a book about all mine over the years. 
Friends, none of us have this figured out. We are not perfect when it comes to dating and it is important to take responsibility for our part.

I know this has been a lesson to learn for me on more than one occasion. I ghosted a man when I should not have, and really regretted how I treated him. There have been other times I reacted too strongly to something that turned out not to be a red flag. On other occasions,  I became too emotionally attached or invested in man too soon.
Needless to say I have been in the trenches with you figuring out and learning (sometimes through big or small mistakes!) how to be a healthy dater.
Over the last year and a half, I have spent a lot of time reflecting on my own dating mistakes. I have thought about what dating mistakes I see other Catholic women struggling with just like me. 
The three I most see common for Catholic women?

1. Letting your heart run away with your mind
2. Attaching to a particular outcome
3. Focusing on him vs. your own life

Head over to the CatholicMatch Institute to read more . . .


What are some of the dating mistakes you have made or learned from in your own life?

The Power in a Purple Dress

On Easter, I dressed up and wore a beautiful purple dress.
It was comfortable, had pockets, and fit me like a glove. I decided to dress up especially for Easter this year even if I was going to be physically alone and not see my family.

You see, my purple dress means something very important to me.

This month was four years since my divorce, April 5, 2016. It is certainly not a day to celebrate, but it is a date that represents something important to me.

This day in my life is an example of the sacred tension where grace and suffering meet. A day filled with incredible loss and sadness, but a day equally filled with hope and newness.
That's where the story of my purple dress begins.

After I left the courthouse with my mom, she decided we would spend the whole afternoon together. We went shopping at Home Goods and Nordstrom Rack, laughed and cried, and she bought me a stunning purple dress.

This wonky sunlight is not helping me become a fashion blogger.

Later that evening, my brother, sister, and BIL took me out for a delicious dinner at a fancy restaurant. It was by no means a celebration of my divorce, but a way for them to support and love me on this very difficult day.
I remember going to the bathroom and catching my reflection in the mirror after I washed my hands. I smiled at what I saw, grateful I said yes to this dress and hopeful of what it represented in this new life for me.
The night was perfect. My brother made sure we ordered and ate all of the 15 appetizers on the menu. I even swallowed the fish eyeball from the cooked trout. We ate yummy food, laughed, and drank too much wine.

I hadn't thought about that purple dress until I recently tried it on again, cleaning out my closet for the warmer months ahead.


It might sound silly, but as I look back that purple dress represented a new chapter in my life, new beginnings.
While I looked and felt great in this piece of clothing, it did something to my spirit. It became a representation of where my life was going, even if I didn't know all the twists and turns in this new season.

Purple was the new Patty, a different and stronger version.

Life has been good to me since that day, as well as difficult and hard.

We are living in weird and crazy times right now. 
Do you have something in your life that is the equivalent to my purple dress? It points to a stronger, more whole version of yourself. 
Does it bring hope or new perspective in these times?

There is still a lot of meaning for me in that purple dress.
I hope you find a purple dress in your life too. :)

Retreating, Speaking, & Living

I took off some time over Christmas +New Year's. It was absolutely delightful.
Since 2020 rolled around, it has been go-go-go. There have been some exciting things happening around these parts along with some sweet surprises.

One of the spiritual goals I had for this year was to go on a silent retreat. Several years ago, I did the Spiritual Exercises with a priest friend over the course of five days. Wanting to do something a bit different this time, I have booked a room at The Abbey of Our Lady of Gethsemani for five days in May.

It is a Cistercian monastery which was the home and is the final resting place of Thomas Merton. He is one of my favorite spiritual writers and thinkers of all time.
My time there will not be a guided retreat, but more open-ended. I will attend Mass, participate in praying The Hours, and only bring my Bible, journal, and maybe a book for spiritual reading.

The last months have been busy with preparing for upcoming speaking events. This past weekend I went to Branson, MO to lead a day retreat for women at a parish.  My host Nyssa was so gracious and kind, I met some lovely women (not to mention Nann my Uber driver!), and I was able to get Chick-Fil-A for dinner my last night.

I had the most wonderful time and came home happily exhausted.

At the end of this month, I am flying to speak at a diocesan youth conference in St. Augustine, Florida and have a few local things between February and March.
As I do more of these things, I see how much it feeds my soul, how much I love it. I just keep praying for God to open more doors and new opportunities as He sees fit for me.

I had a special movie date with my nephew Xavier.  The same night, my sister Annie and I had a special movie marathon together.

I have started seriously dating someone. It is going really well and has been a sweet surprise from the end of 2019.  It was a surprising (even jarring) at first because right off the bat it felt so natural, easy, and comfortable...it continues to feel that way. I shared with my mom a month or two ago, Mom, is this what is supposed to feel like when you meet the right person? She smiled saying, Yeah, I think so sweetie.
We are not rushing down a church aisle, but the pace of this feels different yet very good. I am making mental notes along the way and paying attention to how I feel; and so far, this feels very good to me.
We have been meeting each other's family and friends and that has been going well. Apparently my two-year old nephew gave his stamp of approval. I am looking forward to some fun adventures we have coming up in the next month or two.
I have been able to catch up with a couple of dear girlfriends over the last month and am looking forward to going out with a few more this month.

I am staying present (as best as I can lol) and reminding myself that God's will, with all things in my life, is revealed in a quiet, beautiful unfolding.  Life is rich and meaningful, and for that I am very grateful.


What is new and exciting in your life as we start this new decade!?

From Open to Fearless

2019 was my year to be Open.
It looks like 2020 is the year to be Fearless.

One of the traditions I have enjoyed over the last few years is choosing a word. I have shared here and there on past words. What this last year has shown me is sometimes the word you start with takes on a whole different meaning than what you originally thought.
I was heading into 2019 with the word, Open. 
I thought it held a particular meaning for me. At the time, I was seriously dating a man (with whom I thought I would eventually marry). I thought this word meant to be open to ways my life would look different than how I always imagined. Specifically, with the serious possibility of becoming a stepmom to his three children.
But early into 2019, I no longer felt peace and ended that relationship. It was sad, messy, and confusing. I was really surprised by my choice, but in the end, knew it was the right decision for my life.
So what did it look like now, to be open?
For me, it looked like giving myself space and time to process and grieve that relationship. I looked at the gifts, blessings, and also the things I did not like or would do differently. In time, I began to date again.
I knew I wanted to date a bit differently this time around. 
Open.
I showed up as my authentic, Patty self and went on lots of dates.
I learned to trust myself even more, kindly turn men down, and walk away with ardent certainty on what are the most important things I am looking for in a serious relationship, and someday in a marriage.
I got a lot of practice in healthy dating principles; what it means to lean back into my own life and not try to make something happen with a man. 
As the year progressed, what I thought my word for the year meant developed and changed.
I started out with a certain idea of what being open would look like for me.
As life unfolded, so did a deeper meaning of my word.

So that brings me to the final weeks of 2019 . . .

One night, I was tooling around late on my laptop and at random, decided to pick a word for 2020.
I did not have high hopes for anything terribly profound and was more expecting to get something random like the word toast (that did happen one year!).
I was surprised to see the word fearless staring back at me.
I would use a wide variety of words to describe myself, but fearless is not one I think I would ever pick.
I stared at the computer screen. 
Over the next few days, I sat with the word more. I asked Jesus what He thought about this word, what He had to say to me about it. For about a week or so, I kept coming back to fearless.
It rings true with me. It sits well in my soul, so 2020 will be my year of fearless.
I will choose to be fearless. I do not know how it will play out or develop over the next months, but I want to be more fearless in all areas of my life, especially when it comes to seeking the will of God in all the spaces of my heart.

Do you pick a Word for the Year? 
Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you or try on several different options until you find the right fit. You can always use Jennifer Fulwiler's Word of the Year Generator!

What is a Word that will guide this new decade of life for you?

What Locusts are Teaching Me About the Last 10 Years

I am really fortunate to be surrounded by a great tribe of people in my life.
I was recently on the phone with one of my besties who is a priest. I was sharing with him some surprising jealousy and insecurities that rose up inside of me over the last few weeks.
While I am more self-aware than I used to be, I still struggle sometimes with beating myself up for my big feelings or becoming too self-critical.
The good ol' padre gave me some spiritual homework...because why not?
He asked me to spend some significant time these last weeks of December to reflecting and praying over the last decade I have lived in order to prepare for a new one beginning on January 1, 2020.
We ended the phone call. It was already dark outside.
I turned on the tree lights and lit lots of candles in my living room. The smell was like pine and my apartment had a cozy glow as I settled in my prayer to do some talking and listening with God.
I started to name all the many things that have taken place in my life this last decade: starting and completing my graduate degree, marriage, divorce, annulment, healing and growth, a serious relationship and later breaking up, more healing, more dating part 2, writing, speaking, and growing in my creative dreams and passions.
The last ten years have held a lot for me.

I started thinking about how this decade, in many ways, was filled with a lot of growing, pruning, weeding, plowing, and tending the soil of my life. I remembered certain images God has given me in prayer related to those farming analogies, even though I am the furthest thing from a farmer girl.
So I sat in the silence, remembering and reflecting.
I prayed a bold prayer: Jesus, can this next year of my life and into this next decade, bring about the fruit and harvest of the previous decade? Can all that healing, growth, and transformation come to fruition in these next years? Can this decade be my decade?
I did not hear an audible voice, but it felt so honest and true. And I know God heard my prayer.
As I wiped the tears from eyes, I remembered a specific memory.
It was when I was married and going to a support group for women whose husbands struggled with sexual integrity issues. I was crying to her, wondering if life would always be this way or if it would ever change. She quoted to me a verse of Scripture I had never heard before, Joel 2:25: I will repay you double for what the swarming locust has eaten.
I remembered the verse that night sitting in my living room. I sat with the words and asked Jesus that this next year especially and into my next decade would bring a harvest in my life.
Fast forward to the next day when I was sitting in a Walmart parking lot. I had a list of items to get ready for a day retreat that weekend I was hosting at the parish I work at.
I was finishing a podcast episode of Ruah Storytellers. It was this episode.
Rachel expressed similar longings and desires that I wish for in my own life. Right there in my car, she mentioned that verse in Joel I just recalled the night before.
Cue the waterworks.
I burst into tears and started to sob.
Jesus saw me. He heard that little prayer. It did not necessarily take away the big feelings or change my reality in an instant, but I felt seen and heard by God.
I mopped up my face and thanked Jesus for hearing that little prayer. 
I am believing and holding tight to that promise in Joel 2:25.
God will repay double for all that I endured, healed from, and the many ways I have grown over the last ten years.

I have no idea what 2020 or the next years will hold for me. But I am claiming that Scripture over my life in expectant faith and trust, that this decade will bring about the harvest of those difficult and painful years.

Who knew locusts had so much to me about the last decade of life.


Come Lord Jesus.
I am waiting with openness and expectancy.

The Whirlwind of Fall

Today was a rainy, cold day in SE Michigan. It seemed to set the tone for the cozy setting of meeting with my spiritual director in her office.
After we prayed, she asked me to describe what the last month has been like.
My response? Full, rich, and beautiful.

The last month or two this Fall have been so busy, but in the best possible ways.

The first weekend of October, a dear friend Hope and I went up north for a writing retreat together. It like an old fashioned girls slumber party and we had the best heart chats on all the things of life: dating, marriage, babies, sex, politics, religion, and spirituality. I have known Hope professionally for awhile but we have developed a friendship over the last year or so, and she is such a gift to me.

The weekend before Halloween one of my favorite human beings Christina came to visit for the weekend. This beautiful soul is proof real, authentic friendships can be formed over Instagram. Her encouragement, laughter, sass, and friendship have been one of the best surprises of 2019.

We spent the weekend eating good food, wandering downtown Detroit, hitting up a used bookstore, dinner + dessert with my sister Annie, and equal doses of snort laughing with heart chats.  We ended the weekend with a walk in the rain in Detroit and matching avocado friendship tattoos. I legit cried when she drove away.

I decided to open up and share on allll the "interesting" experiences of online dating and even created some funky hash tags...because why not? Thanks Patrick for the inspiration and feedback! ;) The quality of my dates and men has shifted, and there is one very good man I am enjoying getting to spend more time with these days. Hopefully more on that in the future. ;)

My sweet nephew/godson Xavier turned two on November 1. How is he already two!? When I got out of my car to bring him his birthday present, he came running out of the house in his footie jammies yelling my name. Seriously, I can think of few things that make my heart so happy.

The second week of November we got our first snowstorm of the season. I was less than thrilled but having a snow day to babysit X-Man was a-okay in my book.

I have new speaking opportunities that have opened up and are on my schedule for 2020. I have started writing at Grotto Network as a regular contributor and will begin writing at Endow in the New Year. I am grateful how doors continue to open for me to grow and use my creative skills.

It is crazy to think Thanksgiving is one week away and Advent starting shortly after. I am looking forward to an RCIA team dinner tomorrow after work, cleaning my apartment, reading, and dinner with a priest friend this weekend.
God continues to show me in little ways even there are spaces of life I wish were different, joy and beauty can be found right now in my current reality


Did Fall feel like a whirlwind for you?
What is new & exciting in your life?