21 August 2018

The Questions Every Woman Needs To Ask A Man

My counselor has this saying, "You know when you know it."

There are a lot of life lessons I wish I knew in my twenties when I was dating and before I got married. 

But here I am, almost 33, and now I know what I need to ask a man. I know what are things I will not tolerate, how I will not allow myself to be treated.

These insights, these questions are things I think all women need today in the world need to be brave and courageous in asking.

Today I am over at FemCatholic sharing on the questions all women need to ask men with whom they are in a serious relationship with.

No it is not easy, but these messy conversations are some of the most important ones we need to be having.

Head over to FemCatholic to read more . . .



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19 August 2018

Where to Go From Here? Action, Repentance, Prayer, and Fasting

What an awful, terrible week it has been.

I am trying to pray about all the evil and brokenness coming out of the recent sex abuse scandals in the Church. But honestly it is really hard for me right now.

I alternate between rage and weeping. I have yelled and hollered at Jesus. 

I was only 16 when the scandal in Boston broke in 2002. While I didn't fully understand what it meant, I knew it was very, very bad. 

Now I am older, an adult Catholic practicing the faith. 
I have a more holistic, healthy spirituality and relationship with God.


But I, like so many Catholics, am very much struggling with horrific stories I have learned over the past few weeks at the lack of leadership.

All of this has rattled me and I am wrestling with it all.
Amid trying to pray and fast, I have taken to writing letters and calling offices of bishops and the USCCB. 

As the reality of what needs to change grows stronger, I want to share with you a few articles I have found helpful as I try to process it all. Also included are phone numbers to contact to express your voice demanding justice for the crimes committed.

Articles:

An Open Letter from Young Catholics 

A Letter to my Bishop and A Letter to my Parish Priest by Molly Walter

What Can *WE* Do About the Abuse Crisis? by Haley Stewart

Dear Catholic bishops: This is not the time to play defense by Katie Prejean McGrady

The Church And Clergy In Crisis: 7 Practical First Steps We Must Take by Elizabeth Scalia 

An open letter to my Roman Catholic friends by Jeffrey Salkin 


Action:

You can contact the Archdiocese of Washington if you desire to ask for the resignation of Cardinal Wuerl. I plan to be making a phone call this week.


You can also call the USCCB at 202-541-3000. 



There is also a concentrated prayer and fasting effort organized by Catholic women through the internet. More on that as it goes live tomorrow...


Jesus, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

Help us rid the rot of evil that has hidden for far too long.




09 August 2018

Codependent Red Flags & What You Can Do

I'm convinced every single human being has issues and probably at some point in life would benefit from going to counseling.

I still go for regular tune ups myself. 

One of the the greatest lessons I've learned about myself through that journey is how I have codependent tendencies. I most especially realized this after my divorce as I started diving deeper into my healing work. I read a lot of books that have helped me in this area.

While I am a few years past that chapter of life, I still find I have to live acutely aware how easily these tendencies can sneak up behind me.


What does it mean to be codependent?

If you're in a codependent relationship, you will find yourself basing your self-worth and sense of purpose on your partner's approval. Often times your life revolves around someone else in an unhealthy way. This can quickly become a dysfunctional cycle of sacrificing yourself for the sake of someone else's happiness, while often receiving very little in return.

Codependency is an unhealthy, chaotic dance you dance with another person, it could be a friend, family member, or significant other. In my life, I was in a very codependent relationship when I was married.


If you are new to understanding what is and is not codependent behavior, I would HIGHLY recommend you read everything on this topic by Melody Beattie. She is the guru and go-to person for the best of the best stuff on codependency.
Seriously, just do yourself a favor and read all her books.


Some red flags to consider?

  • You feel your happiness depends on another person
  • You are not able to say no to your partner
  • You struggle to focus on your own needs and lean towards people pleasing
  • You feel guilty for not helping others, sometimes this may look like mothering
  • You NEED to feel needed
  • You struggle (often a lot) with boundaries
  • You may struggle with communication
  • Your mood is dictated by your partner's behavior and actions (boy did I struggle with this one!)


This is just a sample, there are plenty more red flags.

What I have found in my own life, is self-awareness is key. Once I started to learn and understand what codependency was, I began to see how it played out in my daily life and relationships.

Once you can see things for what they are, continue educating yourself more. Read books (enter Melody Beattie). Consider finding a therapist to help you grow and learn new tools. Think about joining a support group like Co-Dependents Anonymous (CODA) to find support and practical tools for your life and relationships.

When we are able to identify unhealthy patterns, then we are able to deconstruct the chaos and entanglement in our relationships.

You are worth the time and work.

Healthy love (which I did not always know what that looked like) is about creating relationships that are inter-dependent and built on respect and honesty.

I know I still have codependent tendencies that creep in from time to time.

But I also know I am a lot wiser and stronger for growing through these issues.


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