Sex and the Catholic Feminist (a Book Review)

Sex, Catholicism, and feminism.
Do I have your attention?
These words are spoken about more frequently these days, both online and in Catholic culture.
You might not think that those three words go together at all. In many ways, these words do go together. The intersection of these words have powerful implications for the Catholic Church and for women.
Defining the Terms and Exploring History
A few years ago while browsing the FemCatholic group recommended books to read, my eye was caught by Sue Ellen Browder's book Subverted: How I Helped the Sexual Revolution Hijack the Women's Movement. As a woman who values certain but not all ideals held by feminism, I was very interested to read this book from the perspective of a woman who used to identify as a secular feminist. 

One of the main things I learned? Abortion and contraception were never originally a part of the 1960's women's movement. I was shocked. The book went more deeply into the background and history of how those changes came to be.
Fast-forward to the present day.


Sex and the Catholic Feminist Book Review
In January of 2020, Sue Ellen Browder released her newest book, Sex and the Catholic Feminist: New Choices for a New Generation.
The premise of the book delves more deeply into tracing back the roots and history of feminism in the United States while taking up a battle cry for the ardent need for Catholic women to take back the word (and ideals) of feminism.
Secular feminism has reduced a woman's dignity and personhood merely to her sex organs and desirability. At the same time, it denies motherhood, marriage, and exults abortion and contraception.


How Did We Get Where We are Today?
The author does an incredible job of laying the historical foundation of feminism in this country )also covered in her previous book). In this book, she also introduces readers to several women from the women's movement in the 1960's and how their individual influence has brought our culture to where it is today.

I want to highlight two of them so you can get a fuller picture of how we ended up here.

Have you ever heard of Betty Friedan and Helen Gurley Brown?


Read more on the Blessed is She blog . . . 

An Epidemic Only Whispered About?

I recently came across a Gallup poll that said in 2018 43% of Americans believe that pornography is "morally acceptable."
That is up from 36% just one year ago. And the reality that percentage will only grow is heart breaking to me.
I am deeply convicted that pornography is the greatest killer to healthy relationships between women and men. It leads us to treat other people as objects, merely used for personal sexual satisfaction. 
I recently was on an episode of Certifiably Catholic hosted by some of my favorite humans.
In it, we talk honestly about a conversation too often I find the Church only whispers about, pornography and sexual addiction. 

You can listen here. 

In the interview, I share about a ministry my friend Danielle and I have developed over the last year called Whispered in the Dark.  We work to offer resources, counselors, and hope to people whose lives, relationships, or marriages have been impacted by pornography and sexual addiction.
On November 10th, we are offering a day conference in Detroit, Michigan. 
If you are in or near the SE Michigan area, we would so greatly appreciate your support and help in getting the word out.


Its time to stop whispering.
Let's start to have honest, real conversations about the biggest relationship epidemic in modern culture.


Thank you for your support.
It means so much to me. 

Where to Go From Here? Action, Repentance, Prayer, and Fasting

What an awful, terrible week it has been.
I am trying to pray about all the evil and brokenness coming out of the recent sex abuse scandals in the Church. But honestly it is really hard for me right now.
I alternate between rage and weeping. I have yelled and hollered at Jesus. 
I was only 16 when the scandal in Boston broke in 2002. While I didn't fully understand what it meant, I knew it was very, very bad. 
Now I am older, an adult Catholic practicing the faith.  I have a more holistic, healthy spirituality and relationship with God.

But I, like so many Catholics, am very much struggling with horrific stories I have learned over the past few weeks at the lack of leadership.
All of this has rattled me and I am wrestling with it all. Amid trying to pray and fast, I have taken to writing letters and calling offices of bishops and the USCCB. 
As the reality of what needs to change grows stronger, I want to share with you a few articles I have found helpful as I try to process it all. Also included are phone numbers to contact to express your voice demanding justice for the crimes committed.
Articles:
An Open Letter from Young Catholics 
A Letter to my Bishop and A Letter to my Parish Priest by Molly Walter
What Can *WE* Do About the Abuse Crisis? by Haley Stewart
Dear Catholic bishops: This is not the time to play defense by Katie Prejean McGrady
The Church And Clergy In Crisis: 7 Practical First Steps We Must Take by Elizabeth Scalia 
An open letter to my Roman Catholic friends by Jeffrey Salkin 

Action:
You can contact the Archdiocese of Washington if you desire to ask for the resignation of Cardinal Wuerl. I plan to be making a phone call this week.

You can also call the USCCB at 202-541-3000. 


There is also a concentrated prayer and fasting effort organized by Catholic women through the internet. More on that as it goes live tomorrow...

Jesus, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
Help us rid the rot of evil that has hidden for far too long.

There Are Some Things We Won't Tolerate.

I had a hard time listening and watching all the news coverage that followed the evil of the whole Larry Nassar trial.
It is heartbreakingly sad and infuriates me at the same time. It triggers my own scars and wounds. And it just shows me how much work we have ahead of us as a society and Church to do better.

I was asked to write a blog post for a well known Catholic Young Adult ministry in our area on the topic.
It is hard to capture all the words and feelings.
This is an attempt, but certainly so much more needs to be said.

---
I am so sick and tired of this.
As a woman and a Christian, it makes me angry that I live in a world where I constantly hear stories of women and young girls taken advantage of and molested.
I have been heartsick watching bits and pieces of the Larry Nassar trial unfold. I have shed many tears witnessing the pain of more than 150 women as they shared their victim statements during the sentencing. I cannot begin to imagine the hurt and pain those women experience.
Recently, there have been times when I've looked at the crucifix hanging by the entrance to my apartment and I just get angry at Jesus. WHY, LORD?
READ THE REST HERE. 

Whispered in the Dark

Sometimes I think Christians struggle to have certain difficult pastoral conversations well.
We don't know how to talk about certain things because we struggle with the language or its just plain awkward and messy.
But sometimes the most awkward, messy conversations are the most important ones we need to be having.
Enter Whispered in the Dark.

My friend Danielle and I are introducing a new workshop to the Archdiocese of Detroit--a workshop for the empowerment and support of women who find themselves seriously dating/married to a man who addicted to porn.
If we as a Church want to help young women today date smart and form strong holy marriages, we have to talk about one of the biggest killers to good Christian relationships and marriages. Roughly 60% of marriages that end in divorce, porn use played a role.
It is not an easy topic to talk about. We as a Church have be on the front lines.  We have to be willing to talk about the painful stuff.
We have compiled a morning of compassionate, informative professionals who will talk about sexual addiction 101, testimonies from women whose relationships have been impacted, list of resources/books/counselors/where to turn for help, teaching from sound spiritual leaders who understand the connection between addiction and spirituality.
Maybe you don't deal with this personally, but the statistics STRONGLY suggest that you know someone who does. And she probably doesn't know how to talk to you about it.
If you have young daughters, nieces, goddaughters, granddaughters, etc. this is the culture they will be growing up in: pornography, objectification, sexual abuse and manipulation, and misogyny.
If you have young women in your life you care about, this is something you need to be educated about. And if you happen to live in or near Southeastern Michigan, I would really love you to come on September 23...and help us spread the word!
One of the greatest lies is for Satan to confuse us and make us feel alone; like we are the only one going through something. I know I felt this way many times when I was in the middle of it when I was married.
If you do not live near SE Michigan, please pray and fast for us. We have never done this before. We have no idea how many women will come, but Danielle and I see it as such an urgent need for the Church to speak into more. #bringallthewomen #pleasejesus
At the end of the day, this is something we are all facing, since we are all a part of the Church together.
And for the sake of young women you care about, be educated so you can help empower and educate her.

3 Netflix Documentaries to Challenge You

There have been some really good documentaries on Netflix I have been watching over the last few weeks.
Here are three that I have found particularly eye-opening and have challenged me.

The True Cost

Over the last years, there has been much more talk on ethical fashion and what does it mean to make ethical choices for our clothing purchases. This documentary opens up the tragic reality of millions of people around the globe who work in sweat shops for low-cost high fashion for the western world.
It was helpful for me in understanding something I've heard about before but never have consciously looked into.

13th

It is clear that in 2017 in the United States racism and racial injustice are still very much a problem and rampant sin.  This is one of the best documentaries I have seen. It was heartbreakingly sad and eye opening all in one.
The film takes an in-depth look at our nation's dark history of racial injustice and slavery. It also draws connections to our current criminal justice system, hugely over-crowded prisons, and out-of-balance drug laws that more often than not seem to target people of color. It is unsettling and compelling. But watch it.

The Propaganda Game

This is a video-style 2015 documentary was created by a foreign filmmaker who visits North Korea and thoroughly examines the country's propaganda machine.
North Korea is the most secretive country in the world today. It gives such a compelling look into what life is like for the North Korea people. They really are living in a cult, it is mind blowing to think so man millions of people are living this way; with nor rights, freedom, or personal voice.
I am telling everybody to watch it (even the teens in youth ministry) because it is that good. By the end of the movie, for a minute I was questioning could life really be so bad? It looks not that bad...well that's good their propaganda machine is.



Do you have any good suggestions on films or documentaries to watch?
Have you ever watched any that changed your perspective or broadened your personal views?

Pope Francis' War on Christmas

The culture wars against Christmas rage onward.
People get upset over Starbucks cups or worked up over "Happy Holidays" vs. "Merry Christmas." 
Children are being slaughtered in Aleppo or dying from diarrhea because of drinking contaminated water. Women and young children are sold into slavery and used as sex slaves at alarming rates. Almost half of the world-almost 3 billion people-live on less than $2.50 a day. Countries treat war like a well-planned chess game instead of the horror and devastation it is for those affected by it.
Sorry, but I really don't think God cares about the stupid cultural "War on Christmas."
The real war on Christmas is indifference. The real war on Christmas is coldness of heart.
A week before Christmas I stumbled onto some strong words from the Holy Father on the charade of Christmas this year. I still find myself going back to them; wrestling and reflecting on what it means.

"It's all a charade. The world has not understood the way of peace. The whole world is at war." Francis continued, "A war can be justified, so to speak, with many, many reasons, but when all the world as it is today, at war, piecemeal though that war may be-a little here, a little there-there is no justification."
"The world continues to go to war. The world has not chosen a peaceful path. There are wars today everywhere, and hate," said Pope Francis. " We should ask for the grace to weep for this world, which does not recognize the path to peace. To weep for those who live for war and have the cynicism to deny it."
"God weeps; Jesus weeps."
There is no reading between the lines here, the message is clear.  Christmas that ignores suffering is not really Christmas. 
For Francis, Christmas is less about glad tidings of comfort and joy, and more about encountering and walking with those who are greatly afflicted by pain and suffering.  It is about accompanying people through whatever mess they are facing.
I think especially in the western world, it can be so easy to domesticate and sanitize Christmas. Sometimes I miss when I am doing it; it can happen so easily.
Christmas isn't pretty, shiny, and wrapped up perfectly with a big red bow.  Christmas is about brokenness, messiness. No one expected the Messiah to be born into poverty, obscurity, and exclusion, far away from power and wealth.
At Christmas, Jesus comes all the way down into messiness of human dysfunction-the violence, the sinfulness, the hatred, the racism, and the wars. This holiday, this holy day calls us out of comfort into discomfort. And facing each of those head-on can be uncomfortable.
The world today is blinded by all kinds of hate. Blinded by finding our security in nuclear weapons and war games. Blinded by our indifference, coldness of heart, and legalism.
I know I do not understand fully what it means to be a peacemaker as Jesus spoke about during his earthly ministry. I know I do not fully understand the pain or suffering of refugees, the imprisoned, black lives, migrant lives, and LGBT lives. 
The 12 days of Christmas are upon us. It is a time of celebrating and joy. But we (I) have to make room for weeping. 
Weeping with Jesus for what we have turned his world into. 
Weeping for my own indifference, whatever it looks like.
Weeping for my cold heart.
Weeping for the sins of our world.
Yes the whole world is at war. Our future President is perhaps calling for a nuclear arms race.  But the state of the world reflects the state of our own hearts in a lot of different ways.
I need to be honest with myself, with Jesus about the state of my own heart. When I am more loving and less indifferent, I think I become a little more of the person God wants me to become.
Let's stop getting worked up about coffee cups and the cashier at Kroger wishing you "Happy Holidays."
Let's look at our hearts and see where the have grown cold or indifferent.
Because that is the real war on Christmas.

3 Signs You Are a Modern Day Pharisee

We all (even amid good intentions) have tendency to act hypocritical in life. Maybe on occasion flash our own Pharisee card from time to time. In my life, I have done that more times than I would like to admit. 
And honestly who wants to be compared to those guys Jesus so often had to forcefully address throughout his ministry? But deep down, each of us is more like those guys than we'd care to admit. The Pharisees are mentioned in sermons and classrooms, and even are a source of jokes. The truth of the matter though is that Pharisees still exist today.  

The following things are ways I have personally struggled with legalism and being a Pharisee in my own life. While I am less blind and more aware now, I still have a long way to go in the grace and mercy department.
1. Believing showing up for worship every Sunday makes you right with God. I used to think just "showing up" on Sunday morning meant that I was better holier than other people, especially people like rapists or murderers. Just because I slid my butt in the pew and showed up, I somehow thought the bar for sanctification was less for me. I tried to measure my holiness. Funny thing though all that measuring I was doing, didn't have me in many ways transforming into the image of God.  I was probably as judgmental, selfish, and unloving as the person who wasn't just "showing up" on Sunday. Just showing up on Sunday is not what makes us right with God. 
2. Making every issue black and white. There are many things the Bible is very clear on, but the Bible is grey on many issues too. I don't think modern-day Pharisees are even remotely comfortable in the world of grey (because I used to be like that). Everything must be black and white. In or out. Yes or no. Sinner or Saved. Up or down.
This is the one I most aligned myself with. I made people and situations black or white. The thing though behind every hot-button religious or cultural issue are people. People whose situations define and shape them in ways only God alone knows. There is really a lot more grey than we think.
I can relate to this concept a lot know because I can humbly admit I used to make the issue of divorce very black and white: "Well, good and righteous Christians don't get divorced. And those that do are creating a grave sin against God." It is really, really humbling (not to mention eye opening) when the tables turn and you find yourself in a situation you previously deemed so awful.
It is dangerous to become the morality police. I know in my own life those are the area's God has humbled me most. When I am willing to stop making assumptions before I listen and allow myself the possibility maybe I don't have it all right.
3. An unrepentant heart...you don't have any "serious" sin to repent of. I used to think I was a pretty good person because I never had "serious sin" to repent of. Sure I wasn't a rapist, murderer, never had an abortion, or stole millions of dollars. But what about the way I gossiped or judged others? What about lying and selfishness? Or how about self-righteousness?
Modern-day Pharisees think they don't have any sin to repent of. Repentance involves vulnerability and weakness. Repentance is for people who sin "really" bad. Not for them.
See when you start to think as long as there is no "serious sin" in your life, you are just fooling yourself. Because Jesus didn't come to earth and categorize sin. He hated all sin, all things that led us away from Him. So He hates all sin. We all have serious sin that needs to be dealt with. The fact we are all sinners reveals our need for God.

Have you ever found yourself to struggle with any of these in your own life? 
Are there others signs you would to the list?

Less Band-Aids, More Life-Support...and why I'm praying for Anna Duggar

What's the difference between band-aids and life-support?
Band-Aids are a temporary fix to heal something little and minor, like a paper cut. If you put a band-aid on a gaping wound, it does nothing to heal or fix it. Life-Support is much more drastic and intense. It involves complicated, intricate procedures to help an individual.
As I have read the headlines about Josh Duggar, and others like him, my heart breaks and grieves for their families, but I'm also reminded of the reality that the Church needs to more ardently give Christians life support in the face of these sins and enemies, not just band-aids.
This isn't just about Josh Duggar. It's about the Church standing up and doing battle with evil itself.

When it comes to this whole Ashley Madison scandal, yes its very sad, but more than anything it angers me. 
I'm angry because at almost 30 years old I have heard 1 sermon in my life on the evils of pornography addiction.
I'm angry that only when a big sex scandal like this comes out do people start talking about sexual sin and acknowledging it. The rest of time there is no discussion of it, because sadly it has become a socially acceptable and even "normal."
I am angry that my faith tradition (Catholicism) still in many ways is silent on these issues when it comes to preaching in church on a Sunday morning. I am angry when well-intentioned people make idiot statements in ways that don't help the issue.at.all. 
I am both angry and sad when I see young people I know struggling and getting caught up in the web of sexual sin. We as a Church need to stop avoiding and start talking about the messy.painful.difficult. stuff. This means preaching about affairs, divorce, pornography/sexual sin, and other difficult issues. Not talking about the messy stuff only gives it room to grow and destroy families. I know there is a wide array of thoughts towards the Duggar family for SO many reasons. 
This sad reality of leaked information about the secret life of Josh Duggar is a staunch reminder that pornography, infidelity, and sexual sin are rapidly becoming a growing problem in our culture.
Over the last week, I have found myself thinking of Anna Duggar and her young children. 
I cannot imagine the pain and shock she must feel and trying to manage it all with three little ones plus a newborn baby. I pray she finds help, healing, and the right resources. I pray for her courage, wisdom, and discernment in the coming weeks and months. I pray she gets proper counsel from the proper people. I'm praying for Anna Duggar not because I'm a fan or even that I necessarily agree with her, but because she too like me is a wife and a Christian. And yes I pray for Josh Duggar too. 
I pray he wakes the Hell up, repents, and changes; but not by just reading his Bible or doing manual labor but that he chooses to enter into recovery for himself, his wife, and his children. 
I pray he realizes the damage his selfish choices have done to his family. You can hold whatever opinions you want on the Duggar family and even Josh himself, but might I ask you to say a prayer for his hurting wife and children today? Because they are the ones that have to deal with these life-changing realities moving forward. No wife wants to wake-up the to reality her husband cheated multiple times, but to do so in the face of great public scrutiny is unimaginable to me.
Sin is real. Evil exists. Our choices always have consequences. With all that in mind, let's stop avoiding the messy. Rather, embrace the painful realities many of our brothers and sisters sitting in the same pew as you are battling. 
Part of being church is to walk with each other through the painful mess of life. 
And the mess of sexual sin doesn't need anymore band-aids.

A Modern House of Horrors=A Bored Media

The more I read about this absolutely horrifying story of Kermit Gosnell's "house of horrors" it truly makes me sick to my stomach and cry many tears; tears women who were victimized/died and tears for the little ones who become nothing more than another number whose lives have been lost to abortion. 

Almost as horrifying as this story is, the fact that this story is not on many mainstream media outlets is a complete. total. injustice.

When 'The Today Show' finds more value in sharing on the new and latest sex toys for couples over such a story as this, that leaves me blown away and quite appalled in terms of what our country considers 'good' reporting and journalism.

Here are some places where you can read more about this story:

• http://www.slate.com/blogs/weigel/2013/04/12/kermit_gosnell_the_alleged_mass_murderer_and_the_bored_media.html

• http://m.usatoday.com/article/news/2072577

• http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/infant-beheadings-severed-baby-feet-but-media-still-ignoring-gosnell-trial
• 
  

Bonnie shared these words on her blog this afternoon from the Overview at the Grand Jury hearing regarding the trial and charges held against Dr. Kermit Gosnell.  These are a mere stating of the facts that happened:

This case is about a doctor who killed babies and endangered women. What we mean is that he regularly and illegally delivered live, viable, babies in the third trimester of pregnancy – and then murdered these newborns by severing their spinal cords with scissors. The medical practice by which he carried out this business was a filthy fraud in which he overdosed his patients with dangerous drugs, spread venereal disease among them with infected instruments, perforated their wombs and bowels – and, on at least two occasions, caused their deaths. Over the years, many people came to know that something was going on here. But no one put a stop to it. 

 Let us say right up front that we realize this case will be used by those on both sides of the abortion debate. We ourselves cover a spectrum of personal beliefs about the morality of abortion. For us as a criminal grand jury, however, the case is not about that controversy; it is about disregard of the law and disdain for the lives and health of mothers and infants. We find common ground in exposing what happened here, and in recommending measures to prevent anything like this from ever happening again. 

You can read the full article here....

The point here is that the media on a vast level is completely ignoring this issue!  This is really the problem: a doctor (and I'm using that term very loosely) intentionally and knowingly killed babies born alive at his abortion clinic facility.  That's murder last time I checked.

This is evil.inhumane.disgusting.  And to top it off, nobody is saying a word.

NBC, CBS, ABC, civil rights groups, women's groups, the freaking medical community....where are all you, nobody saying anything!?!?  Instead of red little medical waste bags, imagine small white coffins.  No need for politics.  Cover the story.  Please don't be shy and speak up on this! 

President Obama, I know you and have different views on this issue of abortion, but how can you not speak up on this particular case?

Imagine if Gosnell had been butchering up puppy dogs and kitty cats instead of babies. There wouldn't be enough freaking parking for the satellite news vans and trucks.

Why am I and many others outraged and beating this dead horse?
Because the media would cover the beating of a dead horse and not this. sad. but. true. fact.