The Advent Jesus & I Stopped Talking ( + what's new)

Why yes I am talking about Advent right smack in the middle of Lent.
Life has changed a lot over the last two months, most especially with my dad's rapid decline, entering hospice, and passing just over a month. Life has been finding a new, yet weird normal.
So anyway, let's back up a bit shall we?
The start to Advent was a bumpy one to say the least. A weeks prior I had broken up with a boyfriend. A good man, but in the end I realized it wasn't going anywhere. On top of that, I was wrapping my mind around the reality this Christmas holiday would be the last with our dad.
While Advent is usually my favorite liturgical season, this year I just felt sad, angry, and frustrated. Life felt like it was not in a place I wanted. I did not want to be single again and my dad was dying. I started grieving deeply for him even while he was still alive and with us.
To say I had a heart full of Advent hope and promise felt like a giant pile of poop, to say it mildly. 
Somewhere within the first week of Advent, I had a very direct and frank conversation with Jesus over my morning coffee. I was pretty honked off. Let's be honest, I was plain pissed off.
In so many (choice!) words, I told Jesus very honestly how I felt. 
I yelled and cried really hard. I told Jesus how sad and helpless I felt watching my dad die; how unfair it felt to know he would not be there with me physically to see me get married or baptize my babies.
I told Jesus I felt so sick and tired of watching life happen to others sometimes, how I hate finding myself in these difficult decisions where I discern it is best to end a relationship with a man. Almost yelling, I hollered at Jesus, "I just want to meet my person, my life partner. I want it to be three times the charm! I want this next time to be the time I meet my person."
I told Jesus how I felt, and honestly for the rest of Advent, we didn't talk much...like at all.
I kept praying daily on some level and was making my way through helpful spiritual reading my spiritual director had suggested for me. Yet, Jesus and I just stopped talking over Advent.
And yet, Advent felt very peaceful, almost freeing. I sat in a lot of silence. I did not really "do" much of anything extra. Somehow Advent felt sacred even if Jesus and I were in the middle of a Taylor Swift break-up song.
I spent Advent taking care myself, helping care for dad, and dipping my toes back into online dating.
The second week of Advent I got a message back from a handsome ginger on CatholicMatch. Hmmm, he was one of the cuties I dropped a note. Within the week we were texting and had a successful first FaceTime date. Another 5 hour FaceTime date and lots of texts later, he drove down from the west side of Michigan for our first date on 12/23.
And yes, we did Christmas presents for someone we had never met.The rest they say, is history. :) 
While it has only been three months, I can quite confidently say this is something quite different and special. I have both never laughed so hard or been treated with such love and attentiveness before. I think I found my lobster.
My sister has long said she always saw me ending up with someone more like myself in temperament and such. After the first time my mom meet Joe (which he met both my parents once before my dad died, which was so special), she shared she always wanted a ginger in our family someday. While its not anything official yet, I can say we're already seriously talking about those things.I mean he tells me quite often, "You know I am keeping you, right?"

So Advent brought on a new beau, and Jesus and I stopped talking.
Opportunities to do more writing online feel as though they have hit a brick wall in some ways. Some connections have fizzled out, though I have been helpful for some new ones on the horizon.
I did a podcast interview for my friend Beth's podcast.
Last night I signed up for the Detroit Marathon. This will be my third time running it, and this time Joe will be running it with me. His first!I am "toying" with the idea of trying CrossFit.
In March, I will be leading an RCIA retreat for a local parish. 
This Friday I will get my second Fauci Ouchie 2.0 (aka dose 2 of the Moderna vaccine).
As things have opened up more here in Michigan, I have been out to dinner with different friends.
I have been spending time with my mom, helping her find her new pace and way to life on her own.

So Advent brings us to Lent...
I am really not into treating Lent like a personal, spiritual improvement plan, which I have done in the past.
With so much changing for me in the last few months, this Lent I am asking and allowing the Father to love me in new ways, especially with the loss of my earthly dad.
I am sitting with that prayer/intention each morning and that has been just what my spirit needs right now.

What is new with you these days?
How is Lent treating you this year?

Sending you air high-fives and hugs during this season!