5 Questions to Help You Live a Focused 2021

I started 2020 with the greatest hope and anticipation. I rang in the New Year with a new boyfriend. I had thought ahead and planned out some good, intentional goals. I was developing projects to grow in my writing skills and creativity. Then a global pandemic hit. Everything I had plotted out and was ready to tackle very quickly changed.
Now, as 2020 winds down, my world looks much different than it did a year ago. I am watching my dad slowly die of a rare neurological disease. The writing project I hoped would turn into a book deal was denied. I broke up with a man who turned out to be emotionally unavailable and am putting myself out there in online dating yet again.
And all those goals I imagined for myself? Well, let's just say the year went very differently from how I imagined it twelve months ago.
Maybe your 2020 was a year of flourishing and personal growth. Perhaps you had breakthroughs on some of your goals, dreams, or creative pursuits. But maybe this year was hard and lonely, as it was for many of us in the human family.
Regardless of what our last twelve months looked or felt like, here are five questions to help you think, reflect, and look ahead to a focused 2021.
1. What worked well ( and did not work) for me in the last year?2.What new things did I learn about myself?3. How have I personally grown?4. What resources helped me grow?5. What do I want to do differently in 2021?

Read more about each of these questions at Verily . . .

2020 may not have been the year any of us imagined, but that does not mean it was all a waste. If we take time to reflect and look at all we learned from this year, it can help us live with more focus and intention as we head into 2021.

Sending each of you light, love, and peace as you begin 2021!

From Open to Fearless

2019 was my year to be Open.
It looks like 2020 is the year to be Fearless.

One of the traditions I have enjoyed over the last few years is choosing a word. I have shared here and there on past words. What this last year has shown me is sometimes the word you start with takes on a whole different meaning than what you originally thought.
I was heading into 2019 with the word, Open. 
I thought it held a particular meaning for me. At the time, I was seriously dating a man (with whom I thought I would eventually marry). I thought this word meant to be open to ways my life would look different than how I always imagined. Specifically, with the serious possibility of becoming a stepmom to his three children.
But early into 2019, I no longer felt peace and ended that relationship. It was sad, messy, and confusing. I was really surprised by my choice, but in the end, knew it was the right decision for my life.
So what did it look like now, to be open?
For me, it looked like giving myself space and time to process and grieve that relationship. I looked at the gifts, blessings, and also the things I did not like or would do differently. In time, I began to date again.
I knew I wanted to date a bit differently this time around. 
Open.
I showed up as my authentic, Patty self and went on lots of dates.
I learned to trust myself even more, kindly turn men down, and walk away with ardent certainty on what are the most important things I am looking for in a serious relationship, and someday in a marriage.
I got a lot of practice in healthy dating principles; what it means to lean back into my own life and not try to make something happen with a man. 
As the year progressed, what I thought my word for the year meant developed and changed.
I started out with a certain idea of what being open would look like for me.
As life unfolded, so did a deeper meaning of my word.

So that brings me to the final weeks of 2019 . . .

One night, I was tooling around late on my laptop and at random, decided to pick a word for 2020.
I did not have high hopes for anything terribly profound and was more expecting to get something random like the word toast (that did happen one year!).
I was surprised to see the word fearless staring back at me.
I would use a wide variety of words to describe myself, but fearless is not one I think I would ever pick.
I stared at the computer screen. 
Over the next few days, I sat with the word more. I asked Jesus what He thought about this word, what He had to say to me about it. For about a week or so, I kept coming back to fearless.
It rings true with me. It sits well in my soul, so 2020 will be my year of fearless.
I will choose to be fearless. I do not know how it will play out or develop over the next months, but I want to be more fearless in all areas of my life, especially when it comes to seeking the will of God in all the spaces of my heart.

Do you pick a Word for the Year? 
Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you or try on several different options until you find the right fit. You can always use Jennifer Fulwiler's Word of the Year Generator!

What is a Word that will guide this new decade of life for you?

2018: The Year of Surprises

Almost a year ago today I was reflecting on some new things going on in my life.
I was about to start a brand new job.
I went to some very life-giving conferences where the Lord worked powerfully.
I was enjoying spending time with my new baby nephew and dating again.
Jennifer Fulwiler's Saint Name Generator matched me with St. Therese, to which I slightly inwardly groaned.  My word of the year I was assigned was present. 
It turns out even though St. Therese and I have wildly different personalities, there were some lessons she had to teach my stubborn little heart. My word of the year was a gift to me in more ways than one. 
I went on a date in mid-January that turned into something very beautiful and healthy I could have never imagined. We were set-up by a few, very involved players: a mutual friend, some Facebook stalking, the Holy Spirit, and two good ol' Catholic Match profiles.
I was not expecting this nor was I looking for something really serious. But over the last year, I have come to experience what it means to be in a healthy relationship with a man who is truly worthy of me. I know what it means to be completely myself and have learned to ask difficult questions/have conversations that I never had before I had gotten married. 
People who held hope for me were right, yes, there are still good men out there in the world.

2018 was also full of other good surprises.

I began to do some speaking at conferences and was offered a few more opportunities to write online.
I went on a few travel adventures to London and Chicago.
One of my best friends got married and I went on retreat with women I dearly love.
I ran my second marathon and was interviewed on some podcasts.

2018 was the year God revealed to my heart, "If you try to control your life, you will never be truly happy." It is a truth we've wrestled with together over the last year, but it has been so, so good for my heart.
Living in fear or trying to control whats coming up the pike, is not how God wants me to live. But rather, with open hands of receptivity.

It was very interesting because one of the days in the Blessed is She Advent Journal this year was looking at Mary and Elizabeth. How in many ways, there were very ordinary Jewish women of their times who probably imagined or had an idea how their life would turn out. 
But then God presented them both with opportunities to participate in something they never could have imagined or dreamt up. There lives looked radically different. I found myself sitting with these two women looking at their lives, and finding a lot of comfort for the place God has me at this season of my life...especially as it has looked so different than I ever imagined.
This year I chose a word, open. I also was assigned one at random which was, still. Already I am sensing God has more to teach me where He has me in life right now through these words. My patron saint of the year will be St. Philip Neri, and I am looking forward to getting to better know the patron saint of joy and humor.

I don't know what 2019 will hold.
But I am sensing I have more to learn and grow in being still. I think God has lessons to teach me on what it means to be open to my life as it unfolds.

Whatever comes, I am waiting in expectant faith with my fists open...not clenched.

19 Ways for Singles to Live Better in 2019

I think sometimes New Year's Resolutions get a really bad rap.
I actually have always loved the hope and promise of what another New Year brings. I get excited about things like goal planning and thinking about new habits or structures I want to build more into my life.

What I think can feel overwhelming for some people is making these broad-sweeping types of resolutions. The best way to tackle goals and make lifestyle changes is by setting small goals and making progress.
Once you tackle the smaller goals, reach higher! Dream bigger!
It is not about perfection, but progress over time. Show yourself grace and kindness.

Here are a few ideas to get you thinking about new habits or structures to implement in the New Year:

1. Need help with your finances?
Use to 2019 to work on paying off debt and learning to pay for things with cash. Dave Ramsey and his course Financial Peace University is a great resource to help people learn to stop letting their money control them.
2. Practice gratitude daily by counting your daily gratefuls.
Buy a journal and use it to count the things you are grateful in life, for all the ways God blesses you.

3. Struggling with too much screen time? 
Try building some social media guidelines to help you use your phone more intentionally and with greater focus. I have found it very helpful to set timers and when the timer goes off, I am done for the day.


(READ THE REST OVER AT CATHOLIC MATCH INSTITUTE) 

One Little Word for 2017

I'm an extroverted, type A personality. I embrace being a loud laugher and love to talk.
For a period in my life, I was not good at.all. with silence, being still and quiet...with myself and even more so with God.
As I look ahead to the coming year, I always love to choose a word to keep grounded and focused; something to challenge me in the coming year.
Last year my word was cultivate. The year before that my word was serenity.
My word for 2017 is stillness.

Over the last few weeks several things in reading and prayer have come up that are showing me I need to cultivate more stillness in my life.
I find myself continuing to come back to these two passages in Scripture:

• Be still and know that I am God.  -Psalm 46:10
• The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be still.  -Exodus 14:14

In the last six months I have begun to carve out time day to start and end my day with silence and meditation. Deep breathing helps me focus and let go of the distractions running around in my brain. Slowly repeating a word or prayer helps me re-focus when my mind starts to chatter again.

Living on my own for the first time in my life, getting used to more silence is something new for me. But more and more, I am seeing how much I need it. How much my soul actually aches and craves it.

It is one thing to be still physically but a completely different thing to still your mind and spirit. And while I am growing in this area, I see how much more stillness I need in my life; relationship with myself, God, and others.

Life, relationships, and my mind can very quickly become noisy and fragmented. I am looking forward to more stillness in my life...more just being, instead of always doing.

Do you have a word to guide and inspire you for 2017? What does it mean to you?
Whatever your dreams, hopes, or goals are for 2017, remember that you can do hard things.

12 in 2016

I really love celebrating the New Year and looking back on the past year I lived. I know some people struggle with the whole resolution thing, but I thrive on it. 
I spend the last week of December looking over the past year and dreaming big for the upcoming one. I also love looking back at all the pictures I took over the past year, it reminds me what mattered to me.
My friend Bobbi is hosting a photo link-up in review of 2016, so here is the year in review in photo's!

In January I was a guest on this podcast! It was my first time ever doing that but it was super fun!

So at this point we are well into the Year of Mercy. I spent a lot of time thinking and praying on entering a season of mercy in my own life.

My friend shared this article with me that has really messed me up in a good way, it was a reality check for me in how to do ministry well....what ministry is all about.
I also went to the South for the first time in my life! I went to Atlanta for a weekend to help run a retreat with a girlfriend. I have since decided I need to do a road trip through the South and that the Midwest needs to get Chick-fil-A.

  April 3 I ran my second half marathon. It snowed the day before and was much colder than I anticipated, but super glad I did it. The crazy things people will do for free pizza and beer.
In April, my divorce was also finalized. I continue to be so grateful for all the crazy, wonderful ways God is leading me through this new phase in life.

In May one of the couples from the young adult group at church had their second baby baptized. Afterwards, there was a party a bunch of us young-ish adults went to. There was lots of laughter, good food, beautiful weather, and a growing sense in my spirit I can do this...I can be on my own:)

In June our parish staff went to an AMAZING conference (Divine Renovation) in Halifax Nova Scotia.  The conference was hosted by the the pastor, Fr. James Mallon of St. Benedict. He wrote a book called Divine Renovation explaining how he radically changed his parish from maintenance to mission mindset. It was exhausting, uplifting, and amazing all rolled into one! Minus crazzzyyyy flight delays on Air Canada of which I am still scarred by.

July busy with our annual youth conference at Franciscan University in Steubenville, Ohio. Or as I call it "Catholic Disney World."
And at the very end of July, I led a group of 12 pilgrims to World Youth Day in Poland.

We came home safe and sound from Poland. This was my 4th WYD. It was also the most difficult and spiritually life-changing one I ever experienced. While we were there, I got very sick and almost died. 

In September I turned 31. I had celebrated with sweet friends and my family took me out for a fancy dinner and drinks at a brewery.
I also got to attend a retreat with all of the beautiful women I work with in the women's ministry Blessed Is She. It.was.amazing. I always wanted a big sister, I just never knew I had so many.

In October I ran my 3rd half marathon. Running has become such an important part of my life, and a big part of my own healing. After this race, I decided next year I will run my first marathon! 

In November I got to participate in our Archdiocesan synod, which our local church has been preparing for for three years!  It was also really special because my Dad and my sister also participated in various ways. It was exhausting but so exciting to see the power of the Spirit radically re-shaping our archdiocese!
I also got my second tattoo! 
December
I don't have a picture for December, but I do have a VIDEO!!!! #spicingthingsup
Our youth ministry made a Christmas video for Pope Francis. I about died laughing and we had a ton of fun!


Be sure to head over to Bobbi's for the link-up!!!

Hopes and Dreams for 2016

When my Dad is preaching in church (he is a deacon) he always weaves in interesting life stories or quotes from different people into his homilies. One of my favorites was when he quoted the Rolling Stones, "you can't always get what you want but if you try sometime you find you get what you need."
As I start 2016, I find myself mulling over those song lyrics. Life is turning in a different direction I never saw coming, but in spite it all there is much to be excited, hopeful, and grateful for in it all.

-I am really, really excited to do two more half marathons.
-I am excited (and nervous) to find my own apartment and make it into a home.
-I am writing an e-book right now on boundaries and looking forward to offering it to subscribers and readers of my blog.
-Connected to the above, I excited to connect more with other women online and nurture friendships through community and blogging. I want to make an effort to reach to readers of my blog and see what I can offer to them.
-While its in the early stages, I am looking forward to taking girl's trip to NYC with just my Mom and sister. Word on the street, Momsy is paying for flight and airfare ;)
-I am hopeful for continued healing and growth as I move through the divorce and annulment process
-I am excited to travel to Poland for World Youth Day this summer
-I am hopeful and plan to pay off $6,000 of school loans to help set me up better financially on my own.
-I am hopeful I can learn to feel confidant and comfortable while starting to do life on my own, that God+me is enough.always.

It's gonna be a different kind of year in a lot of ways, but if I choose to do so, I can still find grace in it all along the way.
When life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. And when life is bitter, say thank you and grow. (Shauna Niequist).

Photo Credit- Lara Casey 

Where are you dreaming big, beautiful things? What is filling your heart with hope and excitement? 
What are your hopes and dreams for 2016?

One Little Word for 2016

Can I tell you something?
Growing up I HATED gardening. 
I have awful memories of my Mom taking us kids strawberry picking and I would whine and just lay in the dirt begging to go back to the car because I was "tired." And God forbid if we had a Saturday family work day outside! I'd hide in the bathroom with a boat load of books to read while sitting in the bathtub. I know, pathetic.
So when the word CULTIVATE kept coming up as a word for the year I honestly had to laugh a bit.

Cultivate. You know what definitions for that word include??

• to prepare and work on
• improve the growth of (a plant, crop)
• to improve and prepare (land), as by plowing or fertilizing, for raising crops
• to loosen or dig soil around (growing plants)
• to grow or tend (a plant or crop)

And if I really stop to think about it, cultivate is a good place to start in 2016.

2016 is going to be a year of cultivation, a year of growth.

As a little kid, I hated planting and getting my hands dirty. But now I am going to dig in and get messy with my life. There is soil that needs to be loosened up, weeds in my heart/mind that need to be picked. I am going to let God do some intense soul work in me this year; pull up the weeds and tend the seedlings that need to grow strong and tall.

I am going to get messy with some of the messy things in life. The messy work of cultivating plants or crops leads to something stronger and richer. I am going to nurture the seedlings God has started sprouting in my life, and work to weed out the things that don't have a place in my life.

Whatever your word for 2016 is, give yourself permission to get messy. Embrace the beautiful imperfections and shows yourself lots of grace along the way.

Do you choose a word to guide and inspire you in the coming year? Share in the comments:)

Happy 2016, friends! :)

5 Things to Say Goodbye to in 2016

What worked and what didn't work in 2015?
It will different for every single one of us.

Here are some good places to start throwing out what maybe didn't work over the past year.
Say goodbye to...
-those nasty gremlin voices in your head that tell you are incapable of doing something.
-the times you were immature, out of line, harsh, or just used no freaking common sense. Take them as humbling experiences (sometimes I hate that part!) and keep moving along.
-expectations you had for yourself that by now you should have done this or that. Life can be messy and imperfect. Hold yourself to a standard of grace, not perfection.
-constant need for connection by carrying the phone around each room of the house religiously. Put the phone down more. Turn off the dings, beeps, and rings. Maybe even set in the other room, gasp! I know I need more of that in my life.
-to the nagging thought that next year will be the same and that nothing will ever change. Rather, say hello and embrace all the wonderful possibilities and dreams this next year will hold for you.
Am I missing anything? What would you add to the list?

Making 2016 Happen: PowerSheets Prep

For a good portion of my 20's, I only saw New Year's as a time to renew my age-old resolution to lose weight. I know how original. Over the past few years, I have begun to really cherish and get excited about the New Year. It means a new start, a new opportunity to focus on what matters most in life.
As a girl who loves making lists and dreaming big, I have found that certain tools in life help me dream big and focus on goals that align with me core (Love God. Love People...next tattoo idea I'm thinking ;). There a lot of talk on Periscope and the inter webs as folks are using these things called PowerSheets. The PowerSheets are not some magic binder of papers that are going to make you more productive, but they help you plan goals while focusing on the things that matter most in your life. 

My second year using these little beauties, I love using a tool like this that isn't just gonna put more on my plate but help me discern where God is leading me and where I wanna dream big dreams in the coming year.
One of the great things about the PowerSheets, is the prep work that helps you sort through, dream, and discern as you head into the New Year or just a new season in life.
The other night I was working on a section where I am reflecting and looking back over what I am saying "no" and "yes" to in the coming year. Here's what some of the things I am sensing I need to say "no" and "yes" to:
I Am Saying "NO" To:

• "Everything-tasking"!!!!
• Being judgmental
• Scrolling or re-tweets instead of starting my day with God
• Climbing into another person's process when its really about them not me
• Anger/bitterness/resentment (all the fun ones ;)

I Am Saying "YES" To:

• New Adventure & being more spontaneous
• More intentional living vs."fragmented living"
• Even more races, running, and training
• More love/grace to other people, especially myself
• Simplicity

Just as I am preparing my heart for Christmas, for Jesus Christ to come make His home in my mess o a life, I want to prepare for 2016 with thoughtful prayer and reflection on where God is leading me in the coming New Year.
If you are looking for something to help you focus with purpose and intention in 2016, I highly recommend checking out Lara Casey's products (especially the PowerSheets!). Whatever you use, just find something that helps you launch into 2016 with intention, passion, and focus! Do not let whatever happened this past year, hold you back from dreaming big with God in the coming year.

As we draw closer to 2016, what are the things you will be saying "yes" and "no" to in the New Year?Do you use any particular system for goal setting with a purpose?

5 Phrases I'm Giving Up for 2016

2015 has almost left the building. 2016 will soon enough be here. Some folks are probably beginning to think what their word will be for 2016 (I know I am! -if that's your thing) or starting to think about goals for 2016.
Over the last few year's I have begun to really enjoy New Year's: the goal planning, dreaming, and doing. New Year's has become more about doing instead of just dreaming I'd be 15 pounds thinner without any effort on my part.
This coming year is going to be beautiful and scary. Realizing the power of of the words I say to myself, I want to let go and drop the phrases that have held me back the past year as I head into 2016. I am giving them up so I can take on 2016.

1. I can't. Over the past year there were several things I told myself "I can't." Every time I say "I can't" it robs me of the power deep inside to change. It is that place inside us that brings out amazing drive, courage, and energy to chase after what matters most and fills us up. I refuse to continue to whisper the lies of "I can't" in 2016, when deep down I always know that I CAN.
2. It will always be this way. When things are tough, it is SO easy to think things "will always be this way." And then I realized the only way things will stay the same, is if I do nothing to change myself and/or a situation. Things won't and don't have to "always be this way." Looking back on the times I have said this, I think it robs me of the power I have inside of myself to thrive through the tough stuff of life.  It won't always be this way. But it will stay the same if I do nothing on my part. 
3. I'm sorry. I tend to over-apologize. Like a lot. Honestly, sometimes I don't even know I'm saying it until after it has been said. Yes there is a definite time and place for heartfelt apologies. But if I am apologizing every time I need a hand or am asking for a favor, it is mis-guided and unnecessary. In 2016, I want to save my "I'm sorry's" for when I actually do something wrong.
4. I'll do it later. When I start putting things off, chances are very high it won't get done or I'll just push it off and fill my time with something more mindless. Things like daily prayer or exercise are the types of things if I say "I'll just do it later," very often that never even happens.
The present moment in front of me is the best time to get done what really matters. Let's be honest, Netflix and Instagram will still be there when I am done. ;)
5. It has to be perfect This one is not helped by the picture perfect life of Pinterest. I know I can treat my life, other people, and myself like it all has to be perfect. When I wake up from that fantasy, I see that life is never ever perfect. Sometimes it can be a hot mess; throw in relationships with other people and it's a hot mess X2. 
Life isn't meant to be perfect; it's meant to be lived and cherished even though the messy imperfections. I want to strive better to embrace and even love the imperfections in myself, life, and other people. 

What phrase do you want to give up this year? How do you think it has held you back from becoming the best version of yourself?

One Little Word {2015}

This past year I was amazed how the word I chose to challenge and grow me really did just that.

There were several area's I really needed to focus on in an intentional way. Looking back on 2014, I am blown away by all the lessons I have learned and insights along the journey.

Over the past week, I have been thinking a lot on what word I want to shape me in 2015.

The more I thought and prayed about it, the more I knew my word for 2015 was serenity.

Over the past year, I have really come to reflect a lot on what serenity means in my life.  Serenity is not just for people working the 12 steps but really for everybody. Serenity is about peace, calm, surrender, and stillness. In our crazy fast-paced world today, who doesn't need more of those in life?? Serenity is about being at peace with yourself and your place in this crazy, beautiful world. It is about accepting life on life's terms...and being at peace with that (or striving to) no matter where life takes you.

Serenity is about acceptance and surrender. Throughout 2014, I really began to pray from the heart the Serenity prayer. These words stretch me like a rubber band, and remind me that I am really not in control. Even to this day I still set alarms on my phone several times a day to stop and take a few minutes to really pray these words from the heart.

Serenity is teaching me to accept the many things/situations/people in life I cannot control (which at times are many!). As a recovering control freak, it is quite the reality check to accept the idea that I'm not in control.

The only person I have control over is me, and sometimes that can be hard enough. It takes a lot of courage to be aware of the things I can change and then to act on them in faith. However, it takes even more wisdom to discern and know the difference between the two.

And that's what I need more and more as 2015 starts: more peace, acceptance, surrender, courage, and wisdom...

2015 is all about serenity for me.

Are you choosing a word for 2015?

What will be the word to inspire you the coming year?

14 Things I Learned in 2014

Its amazing how much can happen and change over one year of life. 365 days is certainly not enough time to learn all the lessons needed to become the person God wants me to be. When I was in elementary school, I thought after I graduated I would be done with learning. Not.so. Part of growth and maturity is realizing that we never stop learning and that there is always opportunities to stretch yourself. And 2014 has kind of been a year like that for me.
So here's a quick recap at what I have learned this year...

1. I really should have started being financially responsible a whole heck of a lot sooner. Enter in our new friend, Mr. Dave Ramsey.

2. SERENITY: Something I often suck at, but desire to grow in. I have learned a lot about serenity this year...this prayer has challenged.stretched.and made me more uncomfortable than any other prayer I have ever prayed. It speaks to me so deeply that I set alarms several times a day to stop and really pray these words from the heart.
I dare you to do it! You'll be blown away at what will happen.

3. Connected to serenity is learning to surrender to the will of God. If the Serenity prayer is my mantra, then this prayer comes close behind in second place.I have learned much and wrestled often with the reality of these words in my own life.

4. No Bible, no breakfast. No Bible, no lunch. Making excuses for not praying daily is not helping me become a saint.

5. You waste way too much time in life worrying about what others think about you. At the end of the day, it really only matter what God thinks.

6. BOUNDARIES. Before this past year, I had no freaking idea what boundaries were. Through a lot of situations in the past year, I have learned so much about myself and how to better deal with people. I need boundaries for myself and with all the other people in my life. Boundaries are not selfish or mean, but meant to keep you safe and about staying in your own yard. Oh boundaries how you have helped me become a stronger and healthier person...

7. Choosing one little word for the year really helped me grow in ways I didn't even think imaginable.

8. After many years of being the girl who didn't exercise because I "didn't like to sweat" I took up running this year. like a lot. I put off getting fit and taking care of my body for a long time. I am getting stronger, setting goals, and feeling great doing it...well most days ;)

besties.

9. Sometimes people who you thought were your closest friends or safe people, turn out to not be. And while ending a friendship sucks and is awkward, I see more clearly who are meaningful, treasured friends. I have also been terribly blessed and surprised by new friendships with women who inspire and support me in ways I never imagined.

My safe people. My cheerleaders.

10. Suffering is a bi!$#. Sorry madre for the language. This year I have watched some of the people I love most suffer. Truth be told, I personally have been through what feels like the ringer at times this year. God has and is continuing to teach me.so.much. in this department.

11. Read books more often than you watch T.V. Reading is my drug of choice.

12. Choose how to respond, don't just be reactionary.

13. Dating shouldn't end when you get married, it should flow into married life. Every other week dates are a nice thing. Consider it.

14. My life, marriage, and home do not have to be perfect to be beautiful.

What have you learned this past year? How has 2014 challenged and stretched you?

One Little Word {2014}

I suck at New Year's Resolutions (minus the year I went to Weight Watchers & lost 30ish pounds).
I start off with grand expectations, like many of us, but by the time Valentine's Day rolls around I'm like, "Screw it, I'm eating the damn roll/cupcake/{insert your comfort food here}. 
Multiple things {resolutions}to work on actually make me anxious; probably because when I don't accomplish them the way I want, I can beat myself for it the following months.

But I like the idea of one little word to help guide, encourage, and give me direction as I start and live 2014. So I've been thinking and asking God what one little word would He like to use to help teach me is.

On NYE, Jim and I were driving to church for an evening of prayer, food, & ringing in 2014 with Jesus.  During prayer, earlier that day I was asking God and listening for guidance on a word.  I said to Jesus, "Lord, please help me cling more and more each day to your sacred heart!"  Cling. Hmmm, like a window cling?  Clinging to Jesus, yeah I like that...

Well I asked Jim what he thought, and his response was, "...Yeah I guess its okay, as long as you don't become one of those weird, crazy, clingy people."  Oh.okay.  Nothing like honest feedback from your spouse.  After he said that, I had all these weird images of crazy cat ladies or stalkers who can't take a hint running through my head.  And knowing that wasn't helping me stay focused or in tune to the voice of the Spirit, I decided to nix "cling."

So since then, I've been praying about it more.  And today in my prayer, I was struck by the word focus.  So I've been sitting with "focus" and its really starting to gel in me (not to mention I'm not getting images of cat ladies in my head anymore).
Lord, where do I need more focus in my life?  What are the things that you want me to focus on this year?
Honestly some of the things that came to mind surprised me, while some I think I always need to be consistent with.

Focus on...not being so reactionary
Darn it.  This one is hard for me.  I'm on the more emotional side of the feelings spectrum; when I'm happy, bubbly, you'll know it.  When I'm frustrated and ticked off at someone, I quickly react and sometimes let it just eat away at me.  I react {at times} poorly to mean.insensitive.any type. comments and actions so easily; and it doesn't always help that I'm a more sensitive soul.  I get worked up about dumb things and worry, "what does this text 'really' mean?" or "How can she act this way, does she realize how that comes off to other people?".  I need to focus and get better at how I react to situations with others.  If someone chooses to ignorant, mean, or insensitive, I have a right to how it makes me feel.  But I really should not get SO worked up about it, and just remember I actually have the power to decided how much/if at all this controls and affects my perspective, my attitude.

At work the other day, I reacted poorly to a series of texts from a family member; over-analyzed, got worked up, and frankly, just got my panties in a bunch.  While I was driving home, I was just talking {with a little venting} to Jesus about the whole situation.  As I was driving, I began to look more objectively at the situation and realized once again I over-reacted.  I sincerely started praying for this person; asking God to bless her, to help me genuinely love, and be kind to her.  It did help me re-evaluate the situation, and remember in the scheme of things it really doesn't matter.  Feelings are one thing, but its about how I react to those feelings and how much power I let them have over me.  Acknowledge when I catch myself being too reactionary, name my feelings, and then simply move on....

Focus on...spending daily time in God's Word
I'm sure a lot of people include spiritual goals in their resolutions, but this is one I have been trying to more faithful in the last few months.  Growing up as a Catholic, I definitely met and encountered the Lord in our faith.  And definitely was familiar with the Bible {in one year at Mass, through the readings, we actually read over half of the Bible!}, but never was really taught how to pray with Scripture or make it a regular part of my prayer life.  I have a great spiritual director who has always said just as we would reverence the Eucharist, so too should we honor and venerate the Word of God. love.that.

In the fall, Jim and I went on a retreat where a nun gave a talk where she said we have no excuse to not spend time with Scripture every morning {I've heard this before, but it has never struck me as much this time}.  Since then I have been slowly working my way praying and reflecting through the New Testament writings.  I set my alarm every most nights to 30-60 minutes before I need to leave for work in the morning, so I can have my prayer time in the morning.
Do I get up every morning? No, honestly right now my track record is 2-3 days each week.  But I keep striving and working at it, because when I do it I know I'm checking in with God, leaning on Him to guide my day instead of my plans I have already mapped out in my planner.  Since the beginning of December I've been making my way through the book of James; what an awesome little gem it is!!  Who knew 5 small chapters could be so jam packed with wisdom and relevance for where I am in life right now.

If I try to live my life mapped out my what I have written down in my planner, it won't necessarily be living the life God has for me.  But when I put Him first, get into Scripture, and bring my day before Him each morning, it is a sign that I am trying to live under the lordship of Jesus and not under the lordship of the world.

Focus on...not caring about what others think of me
Sometimes I care or worry too much about what other people think of me.  It comes in all sorts of forms from comparing myself to other people to feeling guilty when I have to say no to something.  I want people to like me, find me to be an enjoyable, fun person to be around; I mean, who doesn't want that?  But sometimes I care too much about what others think: was what I said the right thing, over-analyzing something said to me, and wondering were my words/actions mis-read or judged wrongly.  At the end of the day, it really can not be about trying to please other people, or even myself; but caring about what God thinks of me.  His opinion {along with my husband and family/friends} is really all that matters.

I think part of not caring about what others think of me, is related to having confidence and self-esteem; and not believing the negative self-talk which I am working on getting better at.  Sometimes I have to just chuckle as I think about Jesus not caring what others thought of Him.  He could have cared less that he ticked off the Pharisee's or when many disciples walked away from Him when they thought what He was calling them to was crazy.  If Jesus only cared about what His Father thought and not about all the nay-sayer's, how much more true is that for me?

We all need an attitude adjustment in an ongoing way throughout our life, so that we can become more fully who God created us to be.  We have all those certain area's of our lives that need direction and refinement.  And for where God has me in my life right now, this word resonates with me in so many ways.
I am excited and curious to see where this one little word will take, lead, and teach me in 2014...

Reflections on 2011, Hopes for 2012...

2011 was a year full of all kinds of stuff.  By far, the most exciting and happiest time was getting engaged to Jim in August when I got home from World Youth Day in Madrid, Spain.  SO. FREAKING. HAPPY.  Other exciting things included a trip to Rome and then Madrid for WYD 2011 in Madrid with the Pope and 2 million other young Catholics.  Such a joyful celebration of the beauty and fullness of the Catholic faith.

The year also included some sadness and disappointments.  My Gradnpa died on June 2, 2011.  He was a man of great faith, love for family, and had a strong work ethic.  He lives on through our happy memories together, and I look forward to telling my children someday about the humble greatness of their great grandpa.  A disappointment came in not getting what I considered to be the perfect job...but God always has other plans, when things don't go as we want.

I have several hopes for this new year of 2012.  First of all, that God would continue to bless Jim and I both emotionally and spiritually as we prepare to become husband and wife on June 22, 2012.  One of my resolutions is that we would grow closer in prayer together as a couple...the couple that prays together, stays together :)  By reading good spiritual books together, praying the Rosary, and going to Eucharistic Adoration at least twice a week, this will only strengthen the foundation for a holy Christian marriage.  One of our deepest connections is our faith we share, and through these specific ways, I hope and pray God will draw us closer together as a couple.

Jim and I have also decided to start our first "official" family tradition.  Each new year, we will pick a new family saint for the new year to learn about, study, use as a model in holiness, and strive to live out their virtues and charisms.  Being that we are getting married, we are looking at married couples or saints who were married to be our "first official Hubbard family patron saint" for this upcoming year, and are currently searching for our first family patron saint.  Holy Spirit, led us to the right holy men/women to draw us closer to Jesus!

I also have two personal hopes for myself.  Currently one of the books I am reading is "Weightless: Making Peace with your Body" by Kate Wicker.  It is a great book written from a Catholic perspective in how to truly love yourself and your body, no matter your shape or size.  Being that I can be very hard on my body, I am going to really strive to use healthy, positive self-talk whenever I am in front of the bathroom mirror.  God never makes junk, and I think I need to get better of reminding myself that I am beautiful and rare in the eyes of my King; that I need to love the amazing creation he made in ME!  The more I do things like that, I can stop believing lies I told myself about my body.

I am also going to create my daily "spiritual Alamo."  That is the spiritual pratices I will commit myself to grow in my personal relationship with Christ.  This is something I have been praying about for awhile, and I think it is time to commit to certain things each day that will strenghten my relationship with God.

As you start 2012, may you be filled with a renewed sense of hope and joy!

BRING. IT. ON. 2012 :-)