Practical Ways to Maximize Your After-Work Time

A little intentionality can go a long way.
For the modern woman, sometimes it can feel like there are never quite enough hours in a day. Whether one is working from home, in an office, in school, or at home taking care of kids, the after-work hours become sometimes a blend of trying to relax but then play catch up with tasks you often can't done during a work day. Still, we all have choices on how to spend our down time, and most of us want to do so in a way that feels life-giving instead of gone before you know it.
Whether you have an endless to-do list or just trying to better effectively maximize your time after work, here are some practical ways to help you be more intentional and thoughtful with that time.

Head over to Verily to read more . . .

How to be a Friend to Your Heart

I acknowledge how the above title might sound a little bit hokey.
But in all honesty, this is life-changing principle I have been learning over the last 8 - 10 months.
When I started my new healthcare job in January, I did something special for myself. I joined a female coaching and mastermind group. It has been a supportive community for women working on career goals, dating, and doing their own healing work.
One of the many insightful things I have learned, is in the title - how to be a friend to my own heart.
I have come to realize how sometimes in relationships and dating that sometimes I over give, serve, and love on the other person at the expense of myself - my feelings and emotions. 
It might not sound like that big of a deal to you, but I am learning (especially in dating) be a friend to my heart first - listen and pay attention to her, loving tend to her when she has needs. I am the first person to meet the needs of my heart and mind. I do not put that responsibility on anyone else but myself first.
In new ways as a 36 year old woman, I am learning how to meet the needs of my heart - to re-parent my "little Patty" from a place of wholeness and healing; not neediness or insecurity.
Let me offer an example of how I recently applied this in my life. About a month ago, I went to the wedding of a dear friend. 
Watching the father-daughter dance was painful for me, a bit triggering even. In that moment, I could only feel the loss of never having that moment with my dad someday when I get remarried.
I left the reception earlier than usual, and came home to fall asleep watching Golden Girl's.
As I woke up the next morning, I felt "off."
I was bumping into my wounded self, little Patty. 
I spent some time journaling and getting in touch with what was really going on inside of me. After some tears and more journaling I decided to read the daily Mass readings.
The Gospel was from John, and in it Jesus is talking about the vine and the branches - how we must stay connected to Him, the true vine.
And then, this: "As the Father loves me, so I also love you" (John 15:9).
So, I also love you.

Jesus loves even my little Patty parts. He loves even those spaces in my heart that feel needy, fearful, anxious, or insecure.
I felt like Jesus was saying those words to me, my five year old little girl who is aching to be loved, taken care of, and safe.
As I sat in those words, I let Jesus hug my little Patty. I let Jesus hug my grown-up Patty self.

That is how to be a friend to your own heart. That is how I am learning to do it in my life right now.

May we love all our parts, just as Jesus loves those parts.

Be a Shero

Happy Mother's Day, friend!
Shero - a woman who inspires you. A woman who has poured into your life, helping you become the woman God created you to be.
Though an unofficial definition perhaps not found in the Webster Dictionary, today is a day we celebrate each and every Shero in our lives: mothers, birth and adoptive mothers, foster mom's, godmothers, spiritual mentors, aunts and grandma's, sisters and friends. 
This Mother's Day is for all women, because each of us is a Shero; rare, unique, and irreplaceable.
The Shero's in my life are varied and many. My Aunt Carolyn, a Catholic school teacher turned prosecutor. She was bold and unafraid to share her opinion and rock the boat. Married later in life and unable to have children of her own, she became a second mom to my siblings and I.
My own mom Sheila (though we call her SheShe). A prayer warrior and hospice nurse, she is still one of my best friends and biggest cheerleaders in my life.
My spiritual director, Dr. Cooney. My academic advisor and professor in graduate school, she has walked with me through the pain of a divorce, dating/relationships, and the loss of my dad. Her voice is a loving but firm tone that brings me peace and clarity.
A band of beautiful friendships that I thank God everyday for: Christina, Helena, Sarah, Beth, Mary Catherine, MC, Alanna, and so many more (not even including the many friendships born out of social media connections).
This weekend our country celebrates Mother's Day.
While a day filled with love and celebration, this day can also be filled with pain and sorrow for many of us. Perhaps your mom has left this earth or you have an estranged relationship with your mom. Maybe your heart is breaking because of the infertility you experience or the desire for marriage and babies has not yet happened in your life. Maybe as a woman you feel hurt or abandoned by the church or your spiritual community.

Read the rest over at Wisdom's Dwelling ...

(Learn more about Wisdom's Dwelling and sign up to receive their email devotions here).

Just Like Me.

Take some deep breaths.
Notice the inhalation exhalation of your breath.

As you are able, bring someone into our mind that you have difficulty relating to.
Maybe they have opposing ideas or philosophies.
Maybe they are simple unkind.

Using all the wisdom you have acquired through your experiences, imagine gazing into this person's eyes with an open heart and an open mind.
Without trying to change them in any way, say to yourself...

This person is incarnated in a body. Just like me.
This person was once a child. Just like me.
This person has known joy in their life. Just like me.
This person has known sorrow. Just like me.
This person has loved someone. Just like me.
This person has had their heart broken. Just like me.
This person has experienced confusion and uncertainty. Just like me.
This person has tried and failed. Just like me.
This person needs forgiveness. Just like me.
This person wants to be loved. Just like me.
This person wants to be happy. Just like me.
See them now as part of your experience as a human being and say to them,

May you be happy and free. I wish for you strength, peace, and liberation in your human life.
Notice how this changes how you hold this person...and how you hold yourself.

Try this practice with different people. We can even use this practice when we become impatient or annoyed by a complete stranger...Just like me.


(This meditation was written by Brian W, a co-worker from another ministry market. Our team used it in a recent retreat, and since then I have been thinking a lot about it. I hope it blesses you as it has blessed me.)
Peace, friends!

Gone but Healed.

It was a cool October night I was driving home from an evening work meeting.
I was feeling excited because that Saturday I would be going on a double date with my older cousin Mike and his wife Lisa, along with the man I was dating at the time.
I remember the exact red light where my car was stopped when the thought hit me.

Even though Dad is gone, our relationship is more whole and healed than it ever was when he was alive. He is physically gone from life but I feel closer to him now more than ever.

I burst into tears, feeling overwhelmed by a deep sense of something that I would continue to lean into in the coming weeks.
I was very blessed to have an overall very healthy and loving family of origin. My parents, while imperfect, did their very best and gave my two siblings and I a stable home and loving childhood.
As I grew up, and began my own healing journey, I saw one of the area's that suffered was my emotional relationship with my dad. 
As a sensitive, tender little girl, I often felt my dad was not emotionally available to me or minimized my emotions and feelings. The father wound in my little Patty heart was probably one of the area's I most needed inner healing and growth.
Looking back it affected many things: how I saw myself, my own codependency, and even my choice in men - in a particular way the man I married. What I really needed from my dad was not often emotionally available to me, and that affected me more than I realized as I got older.

I am grateful and proud of the inner work I have done over the last six years to acknowledge and heal that wound. However, I was not expecting such a profound insight into this healing journey with my dad almost a year after he died. And yet, the more I sat in that realization, the more I prayed about it or discussed it with my spiritual director, I began to see God was at work here.

Watching my dad physically suffer while we helped care for him and into his final days was one of the hardest yet most sacred experiences of my life.
It was as if all the healing work I had faced in my father wound Jesus came and said to me, "My sweet Patty girl, all this has been restored and made whole. Your dad is gone but all this is healed as much as it can be this side of Heaven."
Dad's physical presence is gone. And yet, I feel closer to him in several ways. Our relationship is more whole and healed.
Perhaps it sounds a bit odd, it certainly feels weird to say it this way. But it is true. To the deep part of my soul, it is true.
I know not everyone perhaps has this experience with a parent who passed away. So Jesus, find me very grateful and humble for that beautiful insight. It makes me more hopeful and excited for the day when I see my dad again and am able to give him a big bear hug.

Dad may be gone, but it has all been healed.

Jesus, find me grateful for that.

Three Things Andrew Garfield Teaches Us About Grief

As I experience the milestones of the first year after my dad's passing, I find myself curious about how grief can manifest in one's life. Whether it's in response to the loss of a parent, child, spouse, or significant other, grief is universally messy, painful, and raw. There is no one way to navigate it.Loss will inevitably touch each of our lives; it's necessarily part of the human experience.
Recently, I came across an interview with actor Andrew Garfield (you may know him better as Spider-Man) on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert. I have been following Garfield's work with interest and curiosity, so to hear him talk about the recent loss of his own mother touched me in a particular way.
What Garfield had to say about grief is bound to resonate with anyone who's experienced loss, recently or otherwise.

Grief is unexpressed love

Garfield beautifully referred to the grief he feels for the loss of his mother as "unexpressed love." When we grieve the loss of a loved one, a big portion of what we miss is never being able to hug or hold that person again, to laugh and smile and be silly together, to hear the sound of his or her voice.

It is all those moments we won't get to express our love, affection, and warmth and the end of being able to experience receiving those things from the person whose presence we are grieving.

In his heartfelt interview with Colbert, Garfield says, "I hope this grief stays with me because it's all the unexpressed love that I didn't get to tell her. And I told her every day."

You can read the rest over at Verily.

ten years

Ten years ago this month, I started a blog.
(Okay, technically it was January...so I am off one day!)
I remember another friend had started a blog sharing about her work in ministry and her new life as a wife and mom. I looked up to this person; in some ways, I wanted to be like her when I grew up. 

As I read her blog, I thought to myself, "This looks like fun. Gosh, I could do that!"
And so I started.

I started it about six months before my wedding. After getting married, I used it as a little spot to talk and reflect on marriage, my faith, and working in ministry.
Over the last ten years, this space has changed and evolved. In many ways, just like me.
I have went through divorce, annulment, dating and being single, career changes...pretty much a lot of the "big" adult things.
I have went through big changes here; healed, grown, and shifted.
From the time I was a little girl, I loved writing. When I began this space, I saw it as a creative outlet I could practice the art of writing. 
And you know what happened?

a 2012 Patty...

I discovered something in this little space - my soul came alive in new ways writing. It helped me find myself in deeper ways and became a way to process and navigate hard things in my life.
I did it just for me, for Patty. Not knowing where it would take me. 

Yes, blogging has led me to opportunities to write more professionally online and speak from time to time. Those experiences enriched me as a woman and I am grateful for opportunities to be paid for my work.
However, those experiences alone do not keep me writing. 
I keep writing because I love it. I keep writing because it is a fire in my soul, my blue flame if you will. I keep writing because it helps me feel more connected to my own heart, my spirit, and to God.

a 2022 Patty

This humble little space has done more good for me than I anticipated. 
Happy anniversary, little blog. Happy anniversary, writing life. Happy anniversary, sweet dream I never let die.
You brought me more than I ever expected: a deeper sense of being connected to myself and the heart of Divine love.

What Does It (Really) Mean to Be a Feminine Woman?

When you heard the word femininity, what comes to mind?
There was a period in my life if you had asked me that question I would have answered something like: being quiet, reflective, wearing dresses, etc. 
Growing up, one of the harmful messages I hd to let go and undo over time was unhelpful messaging about what it meant to be a little girl, to be feminine. 
There are very particular memories I have where my mom would repeatedly remind me to be a good girl, a quiet girl and act ladylike. 
"Remember," mom would say to me, "Nobody like a loud girl."
While her intention was not to hurt me, my sensitive Patty heart absorbed unhelpful (and unhealthy) messages about what it meant to be a girl.
As I have gotten older, I can see how this instance was one of the most hurtful messages I absorbed as a little girl and carried with me into my early twenties.
What I heard in those words was, "Be different from who you are. Act a certain way or people will not accept or like you."
"Being loud equals being bad."

Why share such a personal story with you?
Because sometimes I feel in Catholic circles there is a false perception of what it means to be feminine, to be a woman.
To be feminine is never a one-size fits all prescription. It looks different for every woman because we are all unique and none of us are the same.

Head over to Catholic Match to read the rest ...

369 Days Later.

It has been just over one year.
One year since the last time I saw my dad. One year since he took his last breath on this earth.

I was feeling a little restless and anxious as January 22 drew near.
There was a part of me that wanted the day to hurry up and pass by as quickly as possible. As if the death of my dad wasn't hard enough, there are other losses in life I am navigating and working through; those things made the loss of dad's presence feel even more profound.
While Saturday was a difficult day, I was so grateful to feel the love and support of many people in my life.

The day before, several women from my Bible study had sundae fixings delivered to my apartment so I could have a sweet treat to celebrate my dads feast day. Saturday morning my pastor offered the 9am Mass intention for the soul of my dad. As I drove home afterwards, he called me to check on me and see how I was doing. 
I had many friends text me throughout the day; checking on me, letting me know there were praying for me, or sharing ways in their own life they were celebrating dads feast day. I even had an Instagram friend from Ireland offer Mass for my dad at her local cathedral in Ireland. She sent me a video clip of the priest praying for the soul of Deacon Kevin Breen on the first anniversary of his death.
My prayer buddy and soul sister Mave, texted me throughout the day and called on me to see how I was feeling. She was ever present to me on a hard day.

It was a real comfort to feel such love and support from so many people.

My siblings and I went to my moms house (it still feels weird to say that sometimes) for lunch and then went to the 5pm Mass at the parish we grew up at, where dad also served as the deacon. Do you ever have those times where going to Mass is the absolute last ting you want to do? This day was one of those for me.
I felt sad and disconnected from my heart; in some ways, just numb with grief. I cried through most of Mass, and left as quickly as I could afterwards. Driving home, I had a very frank and direct conversation with Jesus - in which I used a fair amount of four lettered words.Feeling sad and lonely, I was honest with Jesus about the day and other things on my mind.

I ended the day with a little too much ice cream (thanks Bible Babes!) and several hours of hanging out in Stars Hollow with the Gilmore girls.

I have great hope and confidence of where my dad is. I know he is more alive now than ever, and I am grateful he is not in physical pain or suffering. But I just wish I could have one more hug. I wish he would call me on the phone. I wish I could hear his laugh.

One of the most beautiful things I heard leading up to dads feast day, was something my girlfriend's mom shared with her growing up: the day a person is born and the day they die are the most powerful days to ask their intercession and prayers. If we have the hope and trust a person is with God in their eternal reward, it is their new job to advocate for us in Heaven.
So, Kate reminded me, it is my dads job to ADVOCATE on my behalf before the throne of God. Isn't that absolutely beautiful?
I took that to heart and especially on dads feast day, asked his prayers for some very particular intentions.

Life continues to move forward even when it is forever changed by something like death. 



Dad -Wherever I am, you'll always be.More than just a memory...

The New, Exciting, and Surprising (AKA Where I Have Been)

So what has been going on this past year? Where I have been?
Well for starters, not really on here writing much.

Each year of the pandemic has been different. With it, has brought in new experiences; some wonderful and some harder than others.
January 22 is the first anniversary of dad's death. It is crazy to think a year has passed where I haven't been able to hear his voice or hug him. I believe and trust he is in the Joy of Heaven, but as the Christmas season drew closer, I felt the ache of missing him all the more.
Christmas was particularly hard for me this year. Namely, one of them dad being gone. 
This year on January 22, I will attend Mass at my little parish where the priest will offer the Mass for dad's soul. Later in the afternoon, my siblings and I will go to my mom's house for lunch and then the 5pm Mass at the parish we grew up at, where dad served as the deacon for many years.
If could remember the soul of Deacon Kevin and my family on January 22, I would be so grateful.
I shared the exciting news about my new job. My little office is nicely set up in my bedroom, and I am really enjoying wearing my cozy Ugg slippers to work each day. 

I started going to CrossFit last March and am still sticking with it. I love it so much more than I would and it feels amazing to see my body get stronger and what it is capable of doing. One of my goals for 2022 is to spend a month or two working one-on-one with a personal trainer.
In October I ran my third Detroit marathon. It wasn't my best race, but the weather was perfect and I had lots of people cheering me on.
One of the best surprises was beginning to date Joe last December. However, shortly after our one year anniversary and Christmas, we decided to stop dating each other. Honestly, I think I possibly saw it coming since the middle of the summer. 
There was a lot of clarity and peace in the decision but I am sad things did not work out as I hoped. I loved both him and his three kids a lot. In the end, we both are in very different spaces. My heart is grieving right now, but I am proud of myself for not settling and trusting my heart through it all.
I signed up to lead a pilgrimage to the Holy Land with one of my best friends in September. I am so excited to go, I still cannot believe it is actually happening.
I started an LLC for my writing and speaking. I am excited to have some out of state speaking engagements over the next few months, and am hopeful this will lead to more opportunities.
As part of my LLC, I want to re-design this space here with a more professional website. As part of that, I am having a professional photo shoot this Saturday for new headshots. Who am I kidding, I am also absolutely doing it for new photos to use in online dating.
2021 was full of all kinds of things I didn't expect, some wonderful and some more difficult.
I am intrigued to see what 2022 holds for me. The word I picked for the year is STRENGTH, which I think will be teach me something in more ways than one.

I feel like the world is at my finger tips.
I am starting 2022 with some sadness and hurt, but am also brimming with hope and expectant faith.

I look forward to seeing you more around here these parts. :)

A New Year. A New Adventure.

Do people even read blogs anymore?
(Patty awkwardly dusts this thing off).

It has been a very long time since I have shown up around these parts other than an occasional post of sharing some writing.
I have missed blogging, more than I thought. Even if a ton of people don't come here, I do really love having a creative space to write. 
A lot has happened in the last year - more on that in an upcoming post.
One of the biggest changes most recently is I have started a new job. Actually, a brand new career in a direction I never imagined for myself.
After working in lay ministry for the Catholic Church for over a decade, I have made a transition into Catholic healthcare.

For the last two or three years, I have been restless in parish ministry and desiring a change. Since March, I have been actively looking, working on my resume, and going through interviews. The week before Thanksgiving I was offered a position at Ascension Health as a Ministry Formation Manager in the Michigan market.
To say I was excited is an understatement. When the woman in HR called to tell me I was chosen, I told her that someone needs to show me how to do a cartwheel - because I was that happy about it!
My role is connected to Mission Integration in growing and strengthening Catholic identity through offering meaningful and relevant spiritual formation to all associates within Ascension. I will also help develop and lead different formational retreats and work with volunteer mission teams at different hospitals within Ascension.
In more ways than one, this is the career move and job I have been waiting for. Everyone I have met has been so welcoming and I love the team I am on. I started on January 3 and my first week went really well. While it feels like I am drinking from a firehose, I know this is exactly where I supposed to be. It truly feels like God placed me in this new career, and I am so grateful for it.
Due to the pandemic, I am working remotely from home which is a transition but I know I will get my extrovert needs met in other ways. I have a cozy little work space set up in my bedroom.
I am looking forward to being "here" more this year. I am planning to finally transition to a permanent domain name and have my sister help me re-work my blog into a professional website.
There are lots of other things I want to share and write about here, but I will leave some of that for later.


What exciting things are starting off your new year so far?



I hope your 2022 is off to a bright and beautiful beginning!

Learning Boundaries: The Building Block of Healthy Relationships

The first time I ever heard the term boundaries was about five years ago when I was going back to therapy. What initially brought me back was a toxic marriage with addiction, and I proudly walked in to see what could be done to "fix" my husband's issues.
(I know mature, right?)
However, I quickly began to see that I had my own rug of undealt-with-issues I was dragging behind me. One idea I came to realize and understand more, was that of boundaries.

What are boundaries?

Boundaries are essential for every healthy relationship. Think of boundaries as property lines that define where you begin and end, where another person begins and ends. Boundaries help keep ourselves emotionally safe and within the limits of our own integrity. They help us take responsibility for ourselves without trying to control, fix, or take responsibility for other people.
Having non-negotiable boundaries become a part of your life will truly transform your world. While it might take time to understand and apply them to your unique situations, these practices will benefit all different types of relationships in your life.

What might boundaries look like in different relationships?

Here are some ways boundaries might look different in your romantic relationships, work relationships, and in your own life.
In romantic relationships, healthy boundaries produce:

• Clear, open, and respectful communication
• Honesty and accountability
• Respect of personal needs without controlling behaviors
• Ability to express one's needs and wants within the relationship

In healthy work environments, boundaries can look like:

• Ensuring that communication is open, appropriate, and clear - without the fear of "being fired" for speaking honestly to a superior or co-worker
• Keeping the workplace free of gossip, petty meanness, and invasion of personal privacy
• Leaving work at work so people can rest and recharge when away from work

It can be easy to see where some areas may need boundary work and focus, but where do we begin?

Here are some helpful things to keep in mind as you establish new routines with non-negotiable boundaries. 

Read the rest at Verily for building new boundary routines and how to handle when a boundary is violated.

5 Great Podcasts for Book Lovers

For as long as I can remember I have loved to read. Some of my happiest memories as a little girl were when my mom and I would read together every night before bed. Everything from Laura Ingalls to Nancy Drew, a love for books and reading has been a part of me for as long as I can remember. I consider good books a close friend, rich with memories and meaning.
For bibliophiles like myself, reading is more of a lifestyle than an activity. It seems I am always in one of three stages: reading a book, deciding what book to read next. or calling the library with a list of books I am hoping to find on the shelves. Do you find yourself somewhere in that description.

If you are looking for new ways to freshen up your to-read book pile, one of these podcasts may be what you need to grow deeper as a reader.
Get some new ideas by heading over to Verily to read the rest . . . 

Common Horizon: A New Print Publication on Catholic Social Teaching

Are magazine subscriptions still a thing?
Well if you are looking for something new to challenge yourself and grow, I want to share with you a new print publication called Common Horizon.

I am honored, and truthfully, still pinching myself I get to help contribute something among so many women I admire and am learning from.
Common Horizon is focused on exploring the 7 Themes of Catholic Social Teaching. Contributors explore the seven themes through various creative means from art, poetry, prayers, interviews, and honest reflections. 
The first issue (which is now on sale - limited restock on Friday, May 21 at 9am CST!!!)
I sincerely hope you will consider supporting From Here Media. Alissa is a fierce woman of God; one whom I am constantly learning from. 
Order your copy of the first seven issues today! Well on Friday morning, when the limited re-stock drops in the shop.

Thank you for your support of this amazing project! :)

The Time Jesus Came to CrossFit

While I played CYO basketball and volleyball growing up, I have never really considered myself an athlete. It wasn't until my first marathon that I thought to myself, "My gosh, my body is capable of doing hard, amazing things."

For some time, I have wanted to try out CrossFit. I have thought about it on and off for the last year or so. The easiest way to describe it is high intensity workouts with basic movements using your own body strength. In any given workout, there are different levels of fitness of folks in the class.

One of the things about Joe, is that he notices and sees things about me that other people or men I have dated have not seen about me before. He challenges me and reminds me of things like, "You are much more capable than you give yourself credit." or "You are much stronger than you realize."

About a month and a half ago, Joe offered to pay for me to try out CrossFit for a month to see if I like it and try it out. I Started and March and finished my trial right before Easter. I was going to 3 classes a week.

While it initially felt a little bit intimidating, I was surprised how quickly I began to love it. I began to notice my arms and legs feeling stronger. I started to set some new goals, believing I could do things I used to think I couldn't, like do a full body pull up or climb up a rope.

I began to realize in a new way, how good and capable my physical body is; the real difference it is to feel more physically strong. I am not working to become an Olympic weight lifter. However, I do want to become stronger and feel more at home and peaceful in my physical body.

There was one particular morning about five weeks ago and I had just finished doing leg up's on a high bar. I looked down at the callouses starting to form on my hands. I had this insight into how amazingly awesome it is what my physical body is able to do. In some way, it felt like Jesus was standing off to the side watching his Pattykins learn and absorb something new about herself.

I started thinking long and how hard about the sacramentality of our bodies, how good it is that God gave us our physical bodies to experience, taste, touch, feel, and see the world and people around us. It struck me that it matters to God that we take care of our physical bodies.

I have not always taken care of my physical body, caring for it with good food or exercise. It is interesting to me as I continue to attend CrossFit, the deeper reasons I am sticking with it. I am not sticking with it to lose 20 pounds or be able to wear a bikini. I am sticking with this intense, sometimes culty workout plan because I want to get stronger and feel even more at peace/at home in my body.

Just as I take care of my emotional and spiritual health, taking care of the physical body that God gave me matters. One is not more important than the other, and I think sometimes I used to believe that it was better to always prioritize my spiritual health first.

That 5am class I looked down and saw those worn hands from barbells and high bars were such a spiritual insight for me. It matters to take care of my body for the mere reason that God gave it to me because it is good, very good.

I am continuing to go to 3 classes a week. Sometimes I bring my Patty flair and wear my real pearl earrings (Joe likes to point that out) because they make me feel happy and confident. 

I am working on goals of adding more heavy weights, climbing a rope, and doing a full body pullup. 

Jesus will come and find you anywhere, even at a 5am CrossFit class.

PS I preached a fiery word on Instagram about these things rolling around in my mind if you want an audio version of this post. :)

 

Finding Your Way Back to Normal Habits in 2021

In 2020, I went from a vibrant social life life with family and friends and working outside my home, to working at home for months while having very limited physical contact with the people I loved most in the world. I had to learn new healthy coping tools while relying on my tired-and-true ones to help me navigate through difficult things. Some things had to look different for a time in my life, and I am sure that happened in your life as well.
As life begins to feel more normal than it has this past year, it might be a good time to look at some habits that have been neglected in the pandemic. 
What needs some adjusting or tweaking? What simple practices do we need to "begin again" in living our daily lives as life settles down a bit more?

Here are some of the practices we can re-discover in new ways: eating at the table, cleaning your room or making the bed, prioritizing your to-do list, and being friendly out and about in the world.

Read the rest over at Verily . . .


What habits are you re-discovering as life begins to settle and feel a bit more normal these days?

A Simple Self-Care Question for Hard Times

I didn't always know how to take good care of myself. For a number of years, I prided myself on being the woman who "gets stuff done," and somehow absorbed the lie that productivity mattered over a healthy relationship to my mind and body. I did not know how to listen to my spirit to find out what I needed to take care of myself in a given moment. I was too busy, well, too busy.

As I have grown as a person, I've learned to ask myself a simple question when I am stressed at work or by life scenarios. When I'm feeling overwhelmed, or life feels heavy, hard, lonely, or confusing, I ask, "What do I need right now?" It feels both empowering and freeing, and in many ways helps me trust myself and my intuition.
Looking at your own life, how can this question help you take better care of yourself, especially during a hard time?
Read the rest over at Verily to help apply this question to your emotional, physical, and spiritual health.
What types of questions help you take care of yourself better?

Why We Need Merton (More than Ever)

One of the things I most loved about graduate school at our local seminary were all the new spiritual writers and thinkers I encountered.
I had several professors that opened my eyes to new ideas and gave me me deeper understanding and reflection of my beliefs.
It was in my history of Christian spirituality class I first heard of a man named Thomas Merton. I had never heard of this Oxford studied writer turned Trappist monk. We spent one class on getting to know Merton. My professor gave us his basic biography and we read some passages of his work. 
It was several years later that I eagerly dove into the writings of Thomas Merton and quickly went on a journey of spiritual friendship, learning much from this gifted soul.

I do not know what propelled me to take a second look at Merton. I do remember flying home from somewhere and reading this book which is what drew me in. What I liked about this book is that it was a sampling of his writing from many different published works. 
From there I devoured everything I could that Merton had written. To this day, my favorite books of his are New Seeds of Contemplation and No Man Is an Island. I think those are one of two great places to start.
Since that plane ride several years ago, Thomas Merton has become one of the most influential spiritual writers and teachers to me in my own personal faith journey.
Now, you might be reading and thinking, "That's great Patty! Good for you girlfriend."
I promise to get off my Merton soapbox, but the reason I share this with you is because now more than ever our culture and the world need the words, teaching, and perspective of Thomas Merton.
Why?
I have noticed a growing trend among my friends, acquaintances, and people I follow on social media, many Christians and Catholics are going through a personal deconstruction of their long-held religious tradition of Christianity or Catholicism. A more recent well-known example is that of Audrey Assad. 
For many varied and often good reasons, people choose to let go of the spiritual and religious beliefs they grew up with. I share some of the similar frustrations of things I see in the Church these days. I can understand and hold space in my heart for the pain, hurt, and frustration people feel towards the Church. I find myself fascinated with learning about and understanding a person's perspective on what would lead them to leave and choose a new spiritual path for themselves.
As the world becomes more secular and the population of  "nones" rapidly grows, we see that people in the culture are spiritually seeking in many ways. From what I can see and understand, they desire truth, peace, life-giving spiritual practices, a community to call home and find support. They seek the good and beautiful and work for justice.
I think spiritual teachers like Thomas Merton can speak to the heart of a seeker in an authentic way that allows a person to wrestle with God while come to draw closer. Even if a person never converts or returns to the faith they have always known, the example of Thomas Merton is one of pastoral care, compassion, listening, and vulnerability.
Regardless of whether a person belongs to a spiritual or religious tradition, we all are on a spiritual journey. It is the journey of a lifetime to come to know more fully who we are and experience the Divine living and breathing in us.
Merton speaks to the tired, weary, and burnt out heart. His own religious wandering and restlessness brought him to the doors of a Trappist monastery; which for him, became a home for his own searching heart.

In 2021, Merton is the spiritual teacher we need to rediscover and learn from.

Merton teaches us ...
How to listen well and accompany people where life finds them.
To ask deep questions about ourselves, God, spirituality, and religion.
To dialogue and learn from people of other faiths.
How to wrestle with God while letting ourselves be found by God.
God is much bigger and deeper than what we construct or imagine.
God can be known and personally experienced.
There is room for questions.
How to be a life-long spiritual learner.

As a Catholic, if the Church hopes to be relevant and speak to the depths of people's longing, we need to return to voices that can help meet hearts right where they are.

For me, Thomas Merton is and remains one of those voices.


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Thomas Merton, pray for the nones. Pray for the hearts of all spiritual seekers looking for God.May we be the people to meet them love them right where life finds them.
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5 Good Podcasts, Reads, & Follows

It is crazy to think where we all were a year ago and what has changed so much about the life we knew since then.
I have been spending some time reflecting in my journal with some questions from one of my favorite podcasts. 
I have been reading, listening and following some new voices, so I thought it might be fun to share what I have been enjoying the last few months.

Podcasts:

A Drink With a Friend - This is a new show I discovered when Tsh's old podcast turned into this one with her friend Seth Haines. Thought-provoking conversations that leave me thinking on the topic. My favorite episode so far is this one all about exercise, CrossFit, and the sacramentality of our bodies.

Human Hope - I have been following Carlos Whittaker for awhile on Instagram. I have learned a lot from this man. He talks about many topics on his page; the uncomfortable ones that maybe we don't want to look at sometimes. Everything from what empathy is (and is not), how to apologize well, and racism. Oh and his love for birds too.I really enjoyed his first episode with Sharon McMahon from @sharonsaysso, a Minnesota mom who has taught government for years and offers a really clear, yet nuanced way to talk about government, policy, and politics.

Everything Happens - Kate Bowler is a bit of brightness and truth-telling both in my Instagram feed and in my earbuds each week. A teacher at Duke Divinity, she was diagnosed with stage IV cancer at the age of 35. Her podcast is all about telling stories of survival and thriving through the hard, unexpected things of life. If you need some encouragement, hit subscribe to this one.She also does daily reflections on Instagram for Advent and Lent, and I love them to pieces. 
Her most recent episode with Matthew McConaughey is sweet and delightful...how do you not love that guy and his adorable Texas accent?

More than Politics - Julie is one of those people I follow online and hope someday I get the chance to hug her in person. A former lobbyist she now stays home with her five kiddos in a beautiful old house. Over the last few years, I have become much more interested in politics. While I personally identify in the middle/an independent, I love a good political discussion.
What I love about Julie's podcast is how nuanced it is, something sadly, that seems to be less and less these days. I am always learning something new, especially like in this episode on the Reconstruction period following the Civil War. Also the episode on the insurrection at the Capitol. That captured a lot of what I thought about.

Where Do We Go From Here - I do not even remember how I first found this podcast. The tagline on their Instagram page reads, "untangling sexual ethics for a new generation of Christians." These ladies talk about it all: purity culture, dating, singleness, marriage, porn, lust, and much more. They give me a lot to think about and reflect from my own experience and growing up.This and that episode I found particularly interesting.
If you are looking for a both theological and psychological discussion on this and related topics, I would recommend this one. While not the religious perspective I grew up with, I have found it insightful and helpful.


Reads:

Simple Green Smoothies - Joe and I are doing a green smoothie challenge during Lent. It has been a helpful way to get more raw fruits and veggies into my body. I am starting to love adding a green smoothie into my daily morning routine.

A Primer on Catholic Social Teaching: The Church's Best Kept Secret - Recently one of my RCIA topics to teach was on Catholic Social Teaching. Several years ago, I would have assumed that CST was something "liberal" or "progressive" Catholics clutched onto. However, that is a rather unfair critique. It is most deeply connected to the teaching of Jesus on the greatest commandment; love of God and love of neighbor.

The Gown: A Novel of the Royal Wedding - I love a good historical fiction novel, and this proved to be as good as I hoped it would be. The story is a fictional, yet personal account of the women who worked on designing and making the wedding dress for Queen Elizabeth II. The book goes back and forth between the past and present, which is something I love.An easy read, but very interesting and enjoyable. If you need a light but thoughtful fiction read right now, I would recommend picking this one up.


Follows:
Black Catholic Messenger - This account is a newer one for me. The editor and creator is a young black, Catholic man studying the Josephite order whose goal is to help amplify black voice and experiences in the Church. I am grateful for Nate's work and am grateful for what it is teaching me and what I am learning.
Madison Chastian @maddsienicole - Madison is actually a woman I have been following on the ol' Gram for awhile. Every time I have been to Chicago in the last few years, we bemoan after the fact how great it would be to meet up IRL sometime sooner rather later. Maddie writes at several Catholic sites online and is very passionate about writing about and for non-Catholics, women, disabilities, and more.  She is a thoughtful writer and is not afraid of a difficult conversation when it comes to being a Catholic woman in 2021.
Alissa Molina @alissarmolina - Alissa is another fire cracker I have been following for a long time. This is a woman constantly seeking to bring the fire of the Spirit into everything she does. If you are not following her, change that stat.
Alissa is one of the cohosts on the Upside Down Podcast and the creator of From Here Sessions and the newly launched From Here Media. I have been honored to be a part of several creative projects with Alissa and am constantly learning something new from this spicy, Texan sister in Christ.
Terrible, Sinful Catholics @okcatholics - I started following this account shortly after the election this past November. This account is not afraid to have hard conversations about any and all things related to being a Catholic today. There are equal parts nuance with feeling uncomfortable. Recent conversations on things like purity culture and that Joe Biden still is Catholic have given me a lot of things to think about.It might not be your cup of tea, but I am really enjoying the content that comes out of this account.Check them out and see what you think.




Who are you reading, listening to, or following these days? 

The Advent Jesus & I Stopped Talking ( + what's new)

Why yes I am talking about Advent right smack in the middle of Lent.
Life has changed a lot over the last two months, most especially with my dad's rapid decline, entering hospice, and passing just over a month. Life has been finding a new, yet weird normal.
So anyway, let's back up a bit shall we?
The start to Advent was a bumpy one to say the least. A weeks prior I had broken up with a boyfriend. A good man, but in the end I realized it wasn't going anywhere. On top of that, I was wrapping my mind around the reality this Christmas holiday would be the last with our dad.
While Advent is usually my favorite liturgical season, this year I just felt sad, angry, and frustrated. Life felt like it was not in a place I wanted. I did not want to be single again and my dad was dying. I started grieving deeply for him even while he was still alive and with us.
To say I had a heart full of Advent hope and promise felt like a giant pile of poop, to say it mildly. 
Somewhere within the first week of Advent, I had a very direct and frank conversation with Jesus over my morning coffee. I was pretty honked off. Let's be honest, I was plain pissed off.
In so many (choice!) words, I told Jesus very honestly how I felt. 
I yelled and cried really hard. I told Jesus how sad and helpless I felt watching my dad die; how unfair it felt to know he would not be there with me physically to see me get married or baptize my babies.
I told Jesus I felt so sick and tired of watching life happen to others sometimes, how I hate finding myself in these difficult decisions where I discern it is best to end a relationship with a man. Almost yelling, I hollered at Jesus, "I just want to meet my person, my life partner. I want it to be three times the charm! I want this next time to be the time I meet my person."
I told Jesus how I felt, and honestly for the rest of Advent, we didn't talk much...like at all.
I kept praying daily on some level and was making my way through helpful spiritual reading my spiritual director had suggested for me. Yet, Jesus and I just stopped talking over Advent.
And yet, Advent felt very peaceful, almost freeing. I sat in a lot of silence. I did not really "do" much of anything extra. Somehow Advent felt sacred even if Jesus and I were in the middle of a Taylor Swift break-up song.
I spent Advent taking care myself, helping care for dad, and dipping my toes back into online dating.
The second week of Advent I got a message back from a handsome ginger on CatholicMatch. Hmmm, he was one of the cuties I dropped a note. Within the week we were texting and had a successful first FaceTime date. Another 5 hour FaceTime date and lots of texts later, he drove down from the west side of Michigan for our first date on 12/23.
And yes, we did Christmas presents for someone we had never met.The rest they say, is history. :) 
While it has only been three months, I can quite confidently say this is something quite different and special. I have both never laughed so hard or been treated with such love and attentiveness before. I think I found my lobster.
My sister has long said she always saw me ending up with someone more like myself in temperament and such. After the first time my mom meet Joe (which he met both my parents once before my dad died, which was so special), she shared she always wanted a ginger in our family someday. While its not anything official yet, I can say we're already seriously talking about those things.I mean he tells me quite often, "You know I am keeping you, right?"

So Advent brought on a new beau, and Jesus and I stopped talking.
Opportunities to do more writing online feel as though they have hit a brick wall in some ways. Some connections have fizzled out, though I have been helpful for some new ones on the horizon.
I did a podcast interview for my friend Beth's podcast.
Last night I signed up for the Detroit Marathon. This will be my third time running it, and this time Joe will be running it with me. His first!I am "toying" with the idea of trying CrossFit.
In March, I will be leading an RCIA retreat for a local parish. 
This Friday I will get my second Fauci Ouchie 2.0 (aka dose 2 of the Moderna vaccine).
As things have opened up more here in Michigan, I have been out to dinner with different friends.
I have been spending time with my mom, helping her find her new pace and way to life on her own.

So Advent brings us to Lent...
I am really not into treating Lent like a personal, spiritual improvement plan, which I have done in the past.
With so much changing for me in the last few months, this Lent I am asking and allowing the Father to love me in new ways, especially with the loss of my earthly dad.
I am sitting with that prayer/intention each morning and that has been just what my spirit needs right now.

What is new with you these days?
How is Lent treating you this year?

Sending you air high-fives and hugs during this season!