369 Days Later.

It has been just over one year.
One year since the last time I saw my dad. One year since he took his last breath on this earth.

I was feeling a little restless and anxious as January 22 drew near.
There was a part of me that wanted the day to hurry up and pass by as quickly as possible. As if the death of my dad wasn't hard enough, there are other losses in life I am navigating and working through; those things made the loss of dad's presence feel even more profound.
While Saturday was a difficult day, I was so grateful to feel the love and support of many people in my life.

The day before, several women from my Bible study had sundae fixings delivered to my apartment so I could have a sweet treat to celebrate my dads feast day. Saturday morning my pastor offered the 9am Mass intention for the soul of my dad. As I drove home afterwards, he called me to check on me and see how I was doing. 
I had many friends text me throughout the day; checking on me, letting me know there were praying for me, or sharing ways in their own life they were celebrating dads feast day. I even had an Instagram friend from Ireland offer Mass for my dad at her local cathedral in Ireland. She sent me a video clip of the priest praying for the soul of Deacon Kevin Breen on the first anniversary of his death.
My prayer buddy and soul sister Mave, texted me throughout the day and called on me to see how I was feeling. She was ever present to me on a hard day.

It was a real comfort to feel such love and support from so many people.

My siblings and I went to my moms house (it still feels weird to say that sometimes) for lunch and then went to the 5pm Mass at the parish we grew up at, where dad also served as the deacon. Do you ever have those times where going to Mass is the absolute last ting you want to do? This day was one of those for me.
I felt sad and disconnected from my heart; in some ways, just numb with grief. I cried through most of Mass, and left as quickly as I could afterwards. Driving home, I had a very frank and direct conversation with Jesus - in which I used a fair amount of four lettered words.Feeling sad and lonely, I was honest with Jesus about the day and other things on my mind.

I ended the day with a little too much ice cream (thanks Bible Babes!) and several hours of hanging out in Stars Hollow with the Gilmore girls.

I have great hope and confidence of where my dad is. I know he is more alive now than ever, and I am grateful he is not in physical pain or suffering. But I just wish I could have one more hug. I wish he would call me on the phone. I wish I could hear his laugh.

One of the most beautiful things I heard leading up to dads feast day, was something my girlfriend's mom shared with her growing up: the day a person is born and the day they die are the most powerful days to ask their intercession and prayers. If we have the hope and trust a person is with God in their eternal reward, it is their new job to advocate for us in Heaven.
So, Kate reminded me, it is my dads job to ADVOCATE on my behalf before the throne of God. Isn't that absolutely beautiful?
I took that to heart and especially on dads feast day, asked his prayers for some very particular intentions.

Life continues to move forward even when it is forever changed by something like death. 



Dad -Wherever I am, you'll always be.More than just a memory...