Ponderings for Holy Week...

2 things that left me thinking on Palm Sunday:

{1}

"After arresting him they led him away and took him into the house of the high priest; Peter was following at a distance" (Luke 22:14-23:56).   One of the things I love about St. Peter, is every time this guy opened his mouth he always seemed to put his big foot in it.  He questioned Jesus, didn't trust him, denied knowing him, and ran away when his best friend needed him most...and then after the Resurrection, Jesus makes this infamous 'mess-up' the first Pope!?!? I guess there is hope for me then too...
But what really strikes me from this Gospel reading yesterday is how 'Peter followed at a distance.'  I feel like Peter here, for this Lent it feels like I have followed Jesus at a distance.  I haven't as my spiritual director encouraged me, "Just let the Lord love you! And in knowing his love for you then you start to be more loving with yourself."  I haven't been walking hand in hand daily with Jesus as much as I like...but more like playing catch up.  And as I heard that read at Mass, I started wondering, "Lord, what ways in my life do I follow you at a distance?"  That's something I'm really going to spend some time reflecting on this week...
Lent has been a tough one in more ways than one.  Those spiritual goals I had at the beginning of Lent have withered and faded, and have been hard for me to be constant in.  It's been a hard Lent for my hubs and I.  We have been working through a lot of issues in our relationship that have surfaced.  We started seeing a Catholic therapist to help us resolve and work together to learn from all of this and grow stronger together as a family.  Things are getting better, but it takes work on both our parts {duh!} and we're learning to do so more and more.  And so as I enter into Holy Week, my first thought is to feel weighed down and sad/frustrated/depressed that Lent wasn't some awesome experience for me spiritually.  But instead, I'm remembering that just like Jesus was able to use Peter for great things the same thing is so true for all the rest of us too, whew!  Lord, help me to really enter in this week with you, and not follow from a distance...

{2}

The whole scene of Peter in the garden and being recognized as a follower of Jesus.  And in the third time he denied knowing Jesus, "the cock crowed, and the Lord turned and looked at Peter; and Peter remembered the word of the Lord, how he had said to him, 'Before the cock crows today, you will deny me three times.'  Peter went out and began to weep bitterly"  Just that whole imagery, the Lord turning to look at Peter, and Peter's remembering of what Jesus said to him. wow. just leaves me speechless.  And then I realize, I'm not really any different than Peter here, am I?

And that causes me to think, "Lord in what ways do I deny you in my life?"  Probably too many to

count, I'm embarrassed to say.

So as I enter into Holy Week, there's no deep theological, earth shattering realizations here.  Only that I'm a work in progress.  I cannot be slack, but also not impatient/unkind with myself.  I'm going to not follow Jesus at a distance this week, but rather help comfort him and keep him accompany as he walks this lonely road.