Learning Boundaries: The Building Block of Healthy Relationships

The first time I ever heard the term boundaries was about five years ago when I was going back to therapy. What initially brought me back was a toxic marriage with addiction, and I proudly walked in to see what could be done to "fix" my husband's issues.
(I know mature, right?)
However, I quickly began to see that I had my own rug of undealt-with-issues I was dragging behind me. One idea I came to realize and understand more, was that of boundaries.

What are boundaries?

Boundaries are essential for every healthy relationship. Think of boundaries as property lines that define where you begin and end, where another person begins and ends. Boundaries help keep ourselves emotionally safe and within the limits of our own integrity. They help us take responsibility for ourselves without trying to control, fix, or take responsibility for other people.
Having non-negotiable boundaries become a part of your life will truly transform your world. While it might take time to understand and apply them to your unique situations, these practices will benefit all different types of relationships in your life.

What might boundaries look like in different relationships?

Here are some ways boundaries might look different in your romantic relationships, work relationships, and in your own life.
In romantic relationships, healthy boundaries produce:

• Clear, open, and respectful communication
• Honesty and accountability
• Respect of personal needs without controlling behaviors
• Ability to express one's needs and wants within the relationship

In healthy work environments, boundaries can look like:

• Ensuring that communication is open, appropriate, and clear - without the fear of "being fired" for speaking honestly to a superior or co-worker
• Keeping the workplace free of gossip, petty meanness, and invasion of personal privacy
• Leaving work at work so people can rest and recharge when away from work

It can be easy to see where some areas may need boundary work and focus, but where do we begin?

Here are some helpful things to keep in mind as you establish new routines with non-negotiable boundaries. 

Read the rest at Verily for building new boundary routines and how to handle when a boundary is violated.

5 Great Podcasts for Book Lovers

For as long as I can remember I have loved to read. Some of my happiest memories as a little girl were when my mom and I would read together every night before bed. Everything from Laura Ingalls to Nancy Drew, a love for books and reading has been a part of me for as long as I can remember. I consider good books a close friend, rich with memories and meaning.
For bibliophiles like myself, reading is more of a lifestyle than an activity. It seems I am always in one of three stages: reading a book, deciding what book to read next. or calling the library with a list of books I am hoping to find on the shelves. Do you find yourself somewhere in that description.

If you are looking for new ways to freshen up your to-read book pile, one of these podcasts may be what you need to grow deeper as a reader.
Get some new ideas by heading over to Verily to read the rest . . . 

Common Horizon: A New Print Publication on Catholic Social Teaching

Are magazine subscriptions still a thing?
Well if you are looking for something new to challenge yourself and grow, I want to share with you a new print publication called Common Horizon.

I am honored, and truthfully, still pinching myself I get to help contribute something among so many women I admire and am learning from.
Common Horizon is focused on exploring the 7 Themes of Catholic Social Teaching. Contributors explore the seven themes through various creative means from art, poetry, prayers, interviews, and honest reflections. 
The first issue (which is now on sale - limited restock on Friday, May 21 at 9am CST!!!)
I sincerely hope you will consider supporting From Here Media. Alissa is a fierce woman of God; one whom I am constantly learning from. 
Order your copy of the first seven issues today! Well on Friday morning, when the limited re-stock drops in the shop.

Thank you for your support of this amazing project! :)

The Time Jesus Came to CrossFit

While I played CYO basketball and volleyball growing up, I have never really considered myself an athlete. It wasn't until my first marathon that I thought to myself, "My gosh, my body is capable of doing hard, amazing things."

For some time, I have wanted to try out CrossFit. I have thought about it on and off for the last year or so. The easiest way to describe it is high intensity workouts with basic movements using your own body strength. In any given workout, there are different levels of fitness of folks in the class.

One of the things about Joe, is that he notices and sees things about me that other people or men I have dated have not seen about me before. He challenges me and reminds me of things like, "You are much more capable than you give yourself credit." or "You are much stronger than you realize."

About a month and a half ago, Joe offered to pay for me to try out CrossFit for a month to see if I like it and try it out. I Started and March and finished my trial right before Easter. I was going to 3 classes a week.

While it initially felt a little bit intimidating, I was surprised how quickly I began to love it. I began to notice my arms and legs feeling stronger. I started to set some new goals, believing I could do things I used to think I couldn't, like do a full body pull up or climb up a rope.

I began to realize in a new way, how good and capable my physical body is; the real difference it is to feel more physically strong. I am not working to become an Olympic weight lifter. However, I do want to become stronger and feel more at home and peaceful in my physical body.

There was one particular morning about five weeks ago and I had just finished doing leg up's on a high bar. I looked down at the callouses starting to form on my hands. I had this insight into how amazingly awesome it is what my physical body is able to do. In some way, it felt like Jesus was standing off to the side watching his Pattykins learn and absorb something new about herself.

I started thinking long and how hard about the sacramentality of our bodies, how good it is that God gave us our physical bodies to experience, taste, touch, feel, and see the world and people around us. It struck me that it matters to God that we take care of our physical bodies.

I have not always taken care of my physical body, caring for it with good food or exercise. It is interesting to me as I continue to attend CrossFit, the deeper reasons I am sticking with it. I am not sticking with it to lose 20 pounds or be able to wear a bikini. I am sticking with this intense, sometimes culty workout plan because I want to get stronger and feel even more at peace/at home in my body.

Just as I take care of my emotional and spiritual health, taking care of the physical body that God gave me matters. One is not more important than the other, and I think sometimes I used to believe that it was better to always prioritize my spiritual health first.

That 5am class I looked down and saw those worn hands from barbells and high bars were such a spiritual insight for me. It matters to take care of my body for the mere reason that God gave it to me because it is good, very good.

I am continuing to go to 3 classes a week. Sometimes I bring my Patty flair and wear my real pearl earrings (Joe likes to point that out) because they make me feel happy and confident. 

I am working on goals of adding more heavy weights, climbing a rope, and doing a full body pullup. 

Jesus will come and find you anywhere, even at a 5am CrossFit class.

PS I preached a fiery word on Instagram about these things rolling around in my mind if you want an audio version of this post. :)

 

Finding Your Way Back to Normal Habits in 2021

In 2020, I went from a vibrant social life life with family and friends and working outside my home, to working at home for months while having very limited physical contact with the people I loved most in the world. I had to learn new healthy coping tools while relying on my tired-and-true ones to help me navigate through difficult things. Some things had to look different for a time in my life, and I am sure that happened in your life as well.
As life begins to feel more normal than it has this past year, it might be a good time to look at some habits that have been neglected in the pandemic. 
What needs some adjusting or tweaking? What simple practices do we need to "begin again" in living our daily lives as life settles down a bit more?

Here are some of the practices we can re-discover in new ways: eating at the table, cleaning your room or making the bed, prioritizing your to-do list, and being friendly out and about in the world.

Read the rest over at Verily . . .


What habits are you re-discovering as life begins to settle and feel a bit more normal these days?

A Simple Self-Care Question for Hard Times

I didn't always know how to take good care of myself. For a number of years, I prided myself on being the woman who "gets stuff done," and somehow absorbed the lie that productivity mattered over a healthy relationship to my mind and body. I did not know how to listen to my spirit to find out what I needed to take care of myself in a given moment. I was too busy, well, too busy.

As I have grown as a person, I've learned to ask myself a simple question when I am stressed at work or by life scenarios. When I'm feeling overwhelmed, or life feels heavy, hard, lonely, or confusing, I ask, "What do I need right now?" It feels both empowering and freeing, and in many ways helps me trust myself and my intuition.
Looking at your own life, how can this question help you take better care of yourself, especially during a hard time?
Read the rest over at Verily to help apply this question to your emotional, physical, and spiritual health.
What types of questions help you take care of yourself better?

Why We Need Merton (More than Ever)

One of the things I most loved about graduate school at our local seminary were all the new spiritual writers and thinkers I encountered.
I had several professors that opened my eyes to new ideas and gave me me deeper understanding and reflection of my beliefs.
It was in my history of Christian spirituality class I first heard of a man named Thomas Merton. I had never heard of this Oxford studied writer turned Trappist monk. We spent one class on getting to know Merton. My professor gave us his basic biography and we read some passages of his work. 
It was several years later that I eagerly dove into the writings of Thomas Merton and quickly went on a journey of spiritual friendship, learning much from this gifted soul.

I do not know what propelled me to take a second look at Merton. I do remember flying home from somewhere and reading this book which is what drew me in. What I liked about this book is that it was a sampling of his writing from many different published works. 
From there I devoured everything I could that Merton had written. To this day, my favorite books of his are New Seeds of Contemplation and No Man Is an Island. I think those are one of two great places to start.
Since that plane ride several years ago, Thomas Merton has become one of the most influential spiritual writers and teachers to me in my own personal faith journey.
Now, you might be reading and thinking, "That's great Patty! Good for you girlfriend."
I promise to get off my Merton soapbox, but the reason I share this with you is because now more than ever our culture and the world need the words, teaching, and perspective of Thomas Merton.
Why?
I have noticed a growing trend among my friends, acquaintances, and people I follow on social media, many Christians and Catholics are going through a personal deconstruction of their long-held religious tradition of Christianity or Catholicism. A more recent well-known example is that of Audrey Assad. 
For many varied and often good reasons, people choose to let go of the spiritual and religious beliefs they grew up with. I share some of the similar frustrations of things I see in the Church these days. I can understand and hold space in my heart for the pain, hurt, and frustration people feel towards the Church. I find myself fascinated with learning about and understanding a person's perspective on what would lead them to leave and choose a new spiritual path for themselves.
As the world becomes more secular and the population of  "nones" rapidly grows, we see that people in the culture are spiritually seeking in many ways. From what I can see and understand, they desire truth, peace, life-giving spiritual practices, a community to call home and find support. They seek the good and beautiful and work for justice.
I think spiritual teachers like Thomas Merton can speak to the heart of a seeker in an authentic way that allows a person to wrestle with God while come to draw closer. Even if a person never converts or returns to the faith they have always known, the example of Thomas Merton is one of pastoral care, compassion, listening, and vulnerability.
Regardless of whether a person belongs to a spiritual or religious tradition, we all are on a spiritual journey. It is the journey of a lifetime to come to know more fully who we are and experience the Divine living and breathing in us.
Merton speaks to the tired, weary, and burnt out heart. His own religious wandering and restlessness brought him to the doors of a Trappist monastery; which for him, became a home for his own searching heart.

In 2021, Merton is the spiritual teacher we need to rediscover and learn from.

Merton teaches us ...
How to listen well and accompany people where life finds them.
To ask deep questions about ourselves, God, spirituality, and religion.
To dialogue and learn from people of other faiths.
How to wrestle with God while letting ourselves be found by God.
God is much bigger and deeper than what we construct or imagine.
God can be known and personally experienced.
There is room for questions.
How to be a life-long spiritual learner.

As a Catholic, if the Church hopes to be relevant and speak to the depths of people's longing, we need to return to voices that can help meet hearts right where they are.

For me, Thomas Merton is and remains one of those voices.


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Thomas Merton, pray for the nones. Pray for the hearts of all spiritual seekers looking for God.May we be the people to meet them love them right where life finds them.
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5 Good Podcasts, Reads, & Follows

It is crazy to think where we all were a year ago and what has changed so much about the life we knew since then.
I have been spending some time reflecting in my journal with some questions from one of my favorite podcasts. 
I have been reading, listening and following some new voices, so I thought it might be fun to share what I have been enjoying the last few months.

Podcasts:

A Drink With a Friend - This is a new show I discovered when Tsh's old podcast turned into this one with her friend Seth Haines. Thought-provoking conversations that leave me thinking on the topic. My favorite episode so far is this one all about exercise, CrossFit, and the sacramentality of our bodies.

Human Hope - I have been following Carlos Whittaker for awhile on Instagram. I have learned a lot from this man. He talks about many topics on his page; the uncomfortable ones that maybe we don't want to look at sometimes. Everything from what empathy is (and is not), how to apologize well, and racism. Oh and his love for birds too.I really enjoyed his first episode with Sharon McMahon from @sharonsaysso, a Minnesota mom who has taught government for years and offers a really clear, yet nuanced way to talk about government, policy, and politics.

Everything Happens - Kate Bowler is a bit of brightness and truth-telling both in my Instagram feed and in my earbuds each week. A teacher at Duke Divinity, she was diagnosed with stage IV cancer at the age of 35. Her podcast is all about telling stories of survival and thriving through the hard, unexpected things of life. If you need some encouragement, hit subscribe to this one.She also does daily reflections on Instagram for Advent and Lent, and I love them to pieces. 
Her most recent episode with Matthew McConaughey is sweet and delightful...how do you not love that guy and his adorable Texas accent?

More than Politics - Julie is one of those people I follow online and hope someday I get the chance to hug her in person. A former lobbyist she now stays home with her five kiddos in a beautiful old house. Over the last few years, I have become much more interested in politics. While I personally identify in the middle/an independent, I love a good political discussion.
What I love about Julie's podcast is how nuanced it is, something sadly, that seems to be less and less these days. I am always learning something new, especially like in this episode on the Reconstruction period following the Civil War. Also the episode on the insurrection at the Capitol. That captured a lot of what I thought about.

Where Do We Go From Here - I do not even remember how I first found this podcast. The tagline on their Instagram page reads, "untangling sexual ethics for a new generation of Christians." These ladies talk about it all: purity culture, dating, singleness, marriage, porn, lust, and much more. They give me a lot to think about and reflect from my own experience and growing up.This and that episode I found particularly interesting.
If you are looking for a both theological and psychological discussion on this and related topics, I would recommend this one. While not the religious perspective I grew up with, I have found it insightful and helpful.


Reads:

Simple Green Smoothies - Joe and I are doing a green smoothie challenge during Lent. It has been a helpful way to get more raw fruits and veggies into my body. I am starting to love adding a green smoothie into my daily morning routine.

A Primer on Catholic Social Teaching: The Church's Best Kept Secret - Recently one of my RCIA topics to teach was on Catholic Social Teaching. Several years ago, I would have assumed that CST was something "liberal" or "progressive" Catholics clutched onto. However, that is a rather unfair critique. It is most deeply connected to the teaching of Jesus on the greatest commandment; love of God and love of neighbor.

The Gown: A Novel of the Royal Wedding - I love a good historical fiction novel, and this proved to be as good as I hoped it would be. The story is a fictional, yet personal account of the women who worked on designing and making the wedding dress for Queen Elizabeth II. The book goes back and forth between the past and present, which is something I love.An easy read, but very interesting and enjoyable. If you need a light but thoughtful fiction read right now, I would recommend picking this one up.


Follows:
Black Catholic Messenger - This account is a newer one for me. The editor and creator is a young black, Catholic man studying the Josephite order whose goal is to help amplify black voice and experiences in the Church. I am grateful for Nate's work and am grateful for what it is teaching me and what I am learning.
Madison Chastian @maddsienicole - Madison is actually a woman I have been following on the ol' Gram for awhile. Every time I have been to Chicago in the last few years, we bemoan after the fact how great it would be to meet up IRL sometime sooner rather later. Maddie writes at several Catholic sites online and is very passionate about writing about and for non-Catholics, women, disabilities, and more.  She is a thoughtful writer and is not afraid of a difficult conversation when it comes to being a Catholic woman in 2021.
Alissa Molina @alissarmolina - Alissa is another fire cracker I have been following for a long time. This is a woman constantly seeking to bring the fire of the Spirit into everything she does. If you are not following her, change that stat.
Alissa is one of the cohosts on the Upside Down Podcast and the creator of From Here Sessions and the newly launched From Here Media. I have been honored to be a part of several creative projects with Alissa and am constantly learning something new from this spicy, Texan sister in Christ.
Terrible, Sinful Catholics @okcatholics - I started following this account shortly after the election this past November. This account is not afraid to have hard conversations about any and all things related to being a Catholic today. There are equal parts nuance with feeling uncomfortable. Recent conversations on things like purity culture and that Joe Biden still is Catholic have given me a lot of things to think about.It might not be your cup of tea, but I am really enjoying the content that comes out of this account.Check them out and see what you think.




Who are you reading, listening to, or following these days? 

The Advent Jesus & I Stopped Talking ( + what's new)

Why yes I am talking about Advent right smack in the middle of Lent.
Life has changed a lot over the last two months, most especially with my dad's rapid decline, entering hospice, and passing just over a month. Life has been finding a new, yet weird normal.
So anyway, let's back up a bit shall we?
The start to Advent was a bumpy one to say the least. A weeks prior I had broken up with a boyfriend. A good man, but in the end I realized it wasn't going anywhere. On top of that, I was wrapping my mind around the reality this Christmas holiday would be the last with our dad.
While Advent is usually my favorite liturgical season, this year I just felt sad, angry, and frustrated. Life felt like it was not in a place I wanted. I did not want to be single again and my dad was dying. I started grieving deeply for him even while he was still alive and with us.
To say I had a heart full of Advent hope and promise felt like a giant pile of poop, to say it mildly. 
Somewhere within the first week of Advent, I had a very direct and frank conversation with Jesus over my morning coffee. I was pretty honked off. Let's be honest, I was plain pissed off.
In so many (choice!) words, I told Jesus very honestly how I felt. 
I yelled and cried really hard. I told Jesus how sad and helpless I felt watching my dad die; how unfair it felt to know he would not be there with me physically to see me get married or baptize my babies.
I told Jesus I felt so sick and tired of watching life happen to others sometimes, how I hate finding myself in these difficult decisions where I discern it is best to end a relationship with a man. Almost yelling, I hollered at Jesus, "I just want to meet my person, my life partner. I want it to be three times the charm! I want this next time to be the time I meet my person."
I told Jesus how I felt, and honestly for the rest of Advent, we didn't talk much...like at all.
I kept praying daily on some level and was making my way through helpful spiritual reading my spiritual director had suggested for me. Yet, Jesus and I just stopped talking over Advent.
And yet, Advent felt very peaceful, almost freeing. I sat in a lot of silence. I did not really "do" much of anything extra. Somehow Advent felt sacred even if Jesus and I were in the middle of a Taylor Swift break-up song.
I spent Advent taking care myself, helping care for dad, and dipping my toes back into online dating.
The second week of Advent I got a message back from a handsome ginger on CatholicMatch. Hmmm, he was one of the cuties I dropped a note. Within the week we were texting and had a successful first FaceTime date. Another 5 hour FaceTime date and lots of texts later, he drove down from the west side of Michigan for our first date on 12/23.
And yes, we did Christmas presents for someone we had never met.The rest they say, is history. :) 
While it has only been three months, I can quite confidently say this is something quite different and special. I have both never laughed so hard or been treated with such love and attentiveness before. I think I found my lobster.
My sister has long said she always saw me ending up with someone more like myself in temperament and such. After the first time my mom meet Joe (which he met both my parents once before my dad died, which was so special), she shared she always wanted a ginger in our family someday. While its not anything official yet, I can say we're already seriously talking about those things.I mean he tells me quite often, "You know I am keeping you, right?"

So Advent brought on a new beau, and Jesus and I stopped talking.
Opportunities to do more writing online feel as though they have hit a brick wall in some ways. Some connections have fizzled out, though I have been helpful for some new ones on the horizon.
I did a podcast interview for my friend Beth's podcast.
Last night I signed up for the Detroit Marathon. This will be my third time running it, and this time Joe will be running it with me. His first!I am "toying" with the idea of trying CrossFit.
In March, I will be leading an RCIA retreat for a local parish. 
This Friday I will get my second Fauci Ouchie 2.0 (aka dose 2 of the Moderna vaccine).
As things have opened up more here in Michigan, I have been out to dinner with different friends.
I have been spending time with my mom, helping her find her new pace and way to life on her own.

So Advent brings us to Lent...
I am really not into treating Lent like a personal, spiritual improvement plan, which I have done in the past.
With so much changing for me in the last few months, this Lent I am asking and allowing the Father to love me in new ways, especially with the loss of my earthly dad.
I am sitting with that prayer/intention each morning and that has been just what my spirit needs right now.

What is new with you these days?
How is Lent treating you this year?

Sending you air high-fives and hugs during this season!

A Weird, (but Peaceful) New Normal

A month ago yesterday at 9:25am my dad's earthly life ended.
In the end, I am thankful our whole family was together when dad passed away. We had finished praying the Chaplet of Divine Mercy all together and fifteen minutes later, he simply stopped breathing.

It is crazy to think it has already been a month, and yet it feels like so much has happened since then.

The immediate days after his passing were a scurry of planning funeral arrangements, picking flowers, and seeing that last minute details were taken care of - just as my dad desired.
While my dad worked in our archdiocese overseeing all the formation for permanent deacons, he also served as the deacon for many years at the parish we grew up and where my siblings and I went to school.
Going back for his wake and funeral was almost like a homecoming in many ways. The pastor and many, many volunteers came together to not only make those days for our family sacred and special, but they worked diligently to serve the needs our family. We will be forever grateful for all that they did for us.
They had greeters and people at the door to take temperatures. They created a room full of food and drinks so we could relax and get a break throughout the day. In the end, the people of the parish donated almost $34,000 to help cover medical expenses towards the very end so my mom could afford full-time hospice care and cover funeral expenses.
So many parishioners I had not seen in many years came to pay their respects to my dad. They told us kids how much they always loved Deacon Breen's homilies and shared their unique stories and memories of him. These are people whose kids I babysat, went to Youth Group with their kids, or trained their grandkids how to be an altar server. Even now it is difficult to comprehend the loving care and compassion my childhood parish showed to my family. What a gift it has been to see how many people loved, admired, and honored my dad.

The rosary service was the most beautiful wake that included song, Scripture, reflections, and different parishioners each leading a different decade of the Rosary. Towards the end of the wake, Fr. Tom invited people to come share words about my dad. I had spent a lot time thinking and praying what I would say, and I am so glad I shared some things with everyone present.
The funeral Mass for dad was beautiful and so much much more than any of us expected. Everything was as dad wanted it to be. He had planned his funeral from the music to the readings months ago. It was special knowing this was how he wanted things.
Archbishop Vigernon presided at the funeral Mass, along with two other of our regional bishops. Over 30 deacons came and another 10 priests. Seeing the tenderness with which they touched my dad's casket as they processed out of the church was such a  sight to behold.A very close family friend preached the homily. He both equally made us all laugh while convicting us of the power to have hope even in our sadness.
As walked out with my mom and sister of the church after the funeral, we were surrounded by all the clergy who lined the sidewalk as we walked dad to the funeral car. I whispered to my mom, "This is SO much more than Dad ever would have expected. This is the best send-off we could have possibly given him."
A week after the funeral we went to the cemetery for the internment of dad's remains. It was a cold, snowy Michigan day. After the prayers of committal, my nephew, brother's girlfriend, and I made snow angels for Papa right by his grave. It seemed like the most fitting way to end these days of celebrating the life and legacy of my dad.

Since then, life has begun to return to a new, yet weird type of normal.

I am back to work. My mom has gone back to her job as a hospice nurse. I think a lot about my dad, yet I do not cry a lot. I have had some sad, hard days. Things in my daily life remind me of him and I get little reminders of his presence.
I have dad's old sacrament books for Baptism and Matrimony. Someday when I experience those sacraments again, I plan to use them on those days so dad will still be with me. I have called his phone a few times and texted him, even though I know I will not get a response back. I have spent time reading his old WYD journals and have several pictures of him around my apartment.
I most feel my dad's presence at Mass (especially right before and after Holy Communion) or when I am in a church. At those times, the veil feels so thin, like he is peeking around a corner looking at me in a playful way as if to say, "Hey! I am still here with you. I am closer than you realize or imagine."Over the last week or so, that has become a very comforting and reassuring thought to sit with.

A new, yet weird normal is starting to shape in my life and the life of our family. There are some good, exciting things happening in our family (more on that later).
Part of my morning routine driving to work each day is talking with Jesus and reciting a few prayers that are very dear to me. I have recently added talking to my dad as part of that, and asking him to pray for particular intentions.

The most comforting line to me in the whole rite for funerals is this: Life has changed not ended.
What hope there is in that, to cling to that and remember it in my heart.

Life has changed in a huge way for me and my family. But it has not ended. New life is coming and in certain ways has come.
I am taking one day at a time, paying attention to being kind to myself especially when I have a day with a lot of big, heavy feelings. Even when I feel sad and cry wishing I could hear his voice, I find a lot of comfort in the hope of what I believe and the life/legacy my dad left us.

Keep showing up, Dad. Keep showing up with reminders that you are with us.

The Ten Commandments of Catholic Dating

Can I tell you something that may sound a bit weird?
One of my favorite movies as a little girl was The Ten Commandments. You know, the version with Charlton Heston?
As much as I loved that movie (which I absolutely did!), I also had a die hard crush on the man. AKA Moses.
I actually remember telling my mom, "Wow, that is one handsome Moses!" Mom's reaction?She just looked at me and rolled her eyes.
But I mean seriously, am I right?! I think so.

Okay, I am done raving on my crush with Charlton Heston.


I was reminded of this silly quirk of mine a few months ago when I wrote an article talking about the ten commandments of Catholic dating.
Here me out.I am not trying to make a case that there are official "rules" for Catholic Dating. As I look back on my dating highs and lows as a woman in her mid-thirties, I do think there are a handful of dating commandments (aka principles) to remember for Catholic singles.
You might have some different thoughts than me in this department. However, for me, these are the ones I keep returning to again and again. 
Things like always saying thank you, NEVER ghosting the other person, and not being too attached to the outcome.

You can read the rest over at CatholicMatch ...

Do you any of these ring true to your own dating experience?
Is there something missing you would add?

The Mental Health Question Changing Me Right Now

What do I need right now?
This question is saving my life and keeping me sane these days.
At the end of December, my dad began in-home hospice care. Over the last few weeks, it became clear it was becoming too much for my mom to continue caring for my dad while working full-time. This past Saturday, he entered a hospice care center where he will spend his final days.
The last six months have been up and down. It has been difficult watching dad's physical abilities continue to decline. My siblings and I have been juggling caring for dad, being there for mom, and living our own lives.
Today I am sitting in dad's hospice room watching him sleep and using a syringe to give him juice and water to keep hydrated. His final days are upon us, and he is very near going to meet Jesus soon.
In the midst of this sadness, this one little question is helping me navigate the death of my father.
What do I need right now?
What I need is to make sure I am praying each day and connecting with the Divine spark inside my spirit.What I need is to allow my body rest or sleep in if I am tired. What I need is to make the time to move my body physically and exercise.What I need allow myself to feel and name the feelings and emotions that come up for me.
There is a lot of hard in life right now. However, continuing to ask this question each day (sometimes multiple times a day!) helps me take care of myself and focus on what is the next right thing I can do for myself.
What does the next right thing look like right now?What do I need right now, in this moment?
Over the last few years of going to therapy, I have learned how to really listen to my body and feelings to tell me what is going on inside of me. This question helps me know how best to care for myself in the moment.
This part of life is sad and hard right now. Yet, there are other parts of my life right now that are special and beautiful.
I know what the next few weeks will hold for our family. Life will change and look different, but it will not end.As I look ahead to dealing with the grief and loss of a parent, I will keep asking myself, "what do I need right now?"
Hard days are ahead, but I know I can get through them. I can do hard things and have done them before.

What do I need right now?
What do you need right now?