28 April 2014

How NOT to handle anger in marriage...

 Honestly I would not describe myself as an 'angry' type person; I'm not a yeller or a rager.  Sure I have my cold shoulder and pouty moments, but anger for me is an emotion I don't do a whole lot.  One thing marriage is teaching me is how to learn from my mistakes, to use them as an opportunity to learn from them and (hopefully) not continually keep screwing up.   Sure we all get angry at times throughout life, but of course its what you do with the anger that is what really matters.
Obviously from the title, I have learned some valuable lessons almost two years in on how to anger the wrong and right way.

1.  DON'T kick a hole in your bedroom door....do go for a walk, journal about your feelings.
Yes I one time was so angry I kicked a hole in our bedroom door.  Ouch and yikes.  Breaking things is anger done poorly.  Lesson learned for me!  Not to mention it makes an awkward reminder of a bad decision I choose to do when I just wasn't mature enough to use my words or go journal about whatever the hell I was mad at to begin with. 

2.  DON'T throw a hissy fit....do take a grown up version of "time out"
When I was little, I have one clear memory of totally loosing it in public with my Mom.  I remember laying on the ground thrashing, kicking, and screaming.  Hot mess 101.  She promptly scooped me up and carried me to the car where I was put in my car seat.  I then got the "look" and she proceeded to tell me I would NOT behave in public like that again.  Any time I saw the "look", I knew Mom or Dad meant business. 

Fast forward 25 years.  And no, I didn't lay down in public thrashing as an adult.  But I have thrown a few hissy fits since getting married.  The kind where I've stomped my feet (I know, miss maturity), slammed doors, and walked out in a loud, noticeable way to make a point.  Because I'm 28 and not 5 years old anymore, learning to take a grown up 'time out" is a grand thing.  Taking anger out on the treadmill, what a wonderful to let out the steam! Journaling about the feelings of what's behind big feelings also has helped me reign it in.

 3.  DON'T be passive aggressive...do use your words, and if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all

So this winter Michigan got an insane amount of snow.  One morning as I was heading out the door to work, Jim and I had a small tiff.  Well obviously it was more than a 'small tiff' because as I was tromping out to my car in the snow, I decided to use my leftover steam to hurl a few snow balls at Jim's truck to 'deal' with my feelings.  Later he called me and asked if I knew why his truck was covered in snow when only 2 hours before he had cleared it?  Ummm, well you see....  #awkward

 So is anger a 'bad' thing? No, not necessarily but if you feel the need to throw snowballs with Buddy-the-elf-like fury or break something, you might want to check yo self...before you wreck yo self or someone else.

Reaction GIF: angry, grumpy, Amy Poehler, Leslie Knope, Parks and Recreation

May your days be merry and bright...and all your emotions handled with grace and class:)


  1. what great tips!!!!!! I have violated all of the above-mentioned no's no's just like you girl!! Thank God for a patient, forgiving husband...and a patient, forgiving God. :-)

  2. Patty!!! My mom had a "look" to kill!! I knew she meant business whenever that came out, lol!!

  3. These are good lessons to learn early on! I can have a bit of a temper on occasion--mine usually makes itself shown with cutting words, and even with "only words" I need to be careful not to let my words cause too much damage.

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