Practical Ways to Maximize Your After-Work Time

A little intentionality can go a long way.
For the modern woman, sometimes it can feel like there are never quite enough hours in a day. Whether one is working from home, in an office, in school, or at home taking care of kids, the after-work hours become sometimes a blend of trying to relax but then play catch up with tasks you often can't done during a work day. Still, we all have choices on how to spend our down time, and most of us want to do so in a way that feels life-giving instead of gone before you know it.
Whether you have an endless to-do list or just trying to better effectively maximize your time after work, here are some practical ways to help you be more intentional and thoughtful with that time.

Head over to Verily to read more . . .

How to be a Friend to Your Heart

I acknowledge how the above title might sound a little bit hokey.
But in all honesty, this is life-changing principle I have been learning over the last 8 - 10 months.
When I started my new healthcare job in January, I did something special for myself. I joined a female coaching and mastermind group. It has been a supportive community for women working on career goals, dating, and doing their own healing work.
One of the many insightful things I have learned, is in the title - how to be a friend to my own heart.
I have come to realize how sometimes in relationships and dating that sometimes I over give, serve, and love on the other person at the expense of myself - my feelings and emotions. 
It might not sound like that big of a deal to you, but I am learning (especially in dating) be a friend to my heart first - listen and pay attention to her, loving tend to her when she has needs. I am the first person to meet the needs of my heart and mind. I do not put that responsibility on anyone else but myself first.
In new ways as a 36 year old woman, I am learning how to meet the needs of my heart - to re-parent my "little Patty" from a place of wholeness and healing; not neediness or insecurity.
Let me offer an example of how I recently applied this in my life. About a month ago, I went to the wedding of a dear friend. 
Watching the father-daughter dance was painful for me, a bit triggering even. In that moment, I could only feel the loss of never having that moment with my dad someday when I get remarried.
I left the reception earlier than usual, and came home to fall asleep watching Golden Girl's.
As I woke up the next morning, I felt "off."
I was bumping into my wounded self, little Patty. 
I spent some time journaling and getting in touch with what was really going on inside of me. After some tears and more journaling I decided to read the daily Mass readings.
The Gospel was from John, and in it Jesus is talking about the vine and the branches - how we must stay connected to Him, the true vine.
And then, this: "As the Father loves me, so I also love you" (John 15:9).
So, I also love you.

Jesus loves even my little Patty parts. He loves even those spaces in my heart that feel needy, fearful, anxious, or insecure.
I felt like Jesus was saying those words to me, my five year old little girl who is aching to be loved, taken care of, and safe.
As I sat in those words, I let Jesus hug my little Patty. I let Jesus hug my grown-up Patty self.

That is how to be a friend to your own heart. That is how I am learning to do it in my life right now.

May we love all our parts, just as Jesus loves those parts.

Be a Shero

Happy Mother's Day, friend!
Shero - a woman who inspires you. A woman who has poured into your life, helping you become the woman God created you to be.
Though an unofficial definition perhaps not found in the Webster Dictionary, today is a day we celebrate each and every Shero in our lives: mothers, birth and adoptive mothers, foster mom's, godmothers, spiritual mentors, aunts and grandma's, sisters and friends. 
This Mother's Day is for all women, because each of us is a Shero; rare, unique, and irreplaceable.
The Shero's in my life are varied and many. My Aunt Carolyn, a Catholic school teacher turned prosecutor. She was bold and unafraid to share her opinion and rock the boat. Married later in life and unable to have children of her own, she became a second mom to my siblings and I.
My own mom Sheila (though we call her SheShe). A prayer warrior and hospice nurse, she is still one of my best friends and biggest cheerleaders in my life.
My spiritual director, Dr. Cooney. My academic advisor and professor in graduate school, she has walked with me through the pain of a divorce, dating/relationships, and the loss of my dad. Her voice is a loving but firm tone that brings me peace and clarity.
A band of beautiful friendships that I thank God everyday for: Christina, Helena, Sarah, Beth, Mary Catherine, MC, Alanna, and so many more (not even including the many friendships born out of social media connections).
This weekend our country celebrates Mother's Day.
While a day filled with love and celebration, this day can also be filled with pain and sorrow for many of us. Perhaps your mom has left this earth or you have an estranged relationship with your mom. Maybe your heart is breaking because of the infertility you experience or the desire for marriage and babies has not yet happened in your life. Maybe as a woman you feel hurt or abandoned by the church or your spiritual community.

Read the rest over at Wisdom's Dwelling ...

(Learn more about Wisdom's Dwelling and sign up to receive their email devotions here).

Just Like Me.

Take some deep breaths.
Notice the inhalation exhalation of your breath.

As you are able, bring someone into our mind that you have difficulty relating to.
Maybe they have opposing ideas or philosophies.
Maybe they are simple unkind.

Using all the wisdom you have acquired through your experiences, imagine gazing into this person's eyes with an open heart and an open mind.
Without trying to change them in any way, say to yourself...

This person is incarnated in a body. Just like me.
This person was once a child. Just like me.
This person has known joy in their life. Just like me.
This person has known sorrow. Just like me.
This person has loved someone. Just like me.
This person has had their heart broken. Just like me.
This person has experienced confusion and uncertainty. Just like me.
This person has tried and failed. Just like me.
This person needs forgiveness. Just like me.
This person wants to be loved. Just like me.
This person wants to be happy. Just like me.
See them now as part of your experience as a human being and say to them,

May you be happy and free. I wish for you strength, peace, and liberation in your human life.
Notice how this changes how you hold this person...and how you hold yourself.

Try this practice with different people. We can even use this practice when we become impatient or annoyed by a complete stranger...Just like me.


(This meditation was written by Brian W, a co-worker from another ministry market. Our team used it in a recent retreat, and since then I have been thinking a lot about it. I hope it blesses you as it has blessed me.)
Peace, friends!

Gone but Healed.

It was a cool October night I was driving home from an evening work meeting.
I was feeling excited because that Saturday I would be going on a double date with my older cousin Mike and his wife Lisa, along with the man I was dating at the time.
I remember the exact red light where my car was stopped when the thought hit me.

Even though Dad is gone, our relationship is more whole and healed than it ever was when he was alive. He is physically gone from life but I feel closer to him now more than ever.

I burst into tears, feeling overwhelmed by a deep sense of something that I would continue to lean into in the coming weeks.
I was very blessed to have an overall very healthy and loving family of origin. My parents, while imperfect, did their very best and gave my two siblings and I a stable home and loving childhood.
As I grew up, and began my own healing journey, I saw one of the area's that suffered was my emotional relationship with my dad. 
As a sensitive, tender little girl, I often felt my dad was not emotionally available to me or minimized my emotions and feelings. The father wound in my little Patty heart was probably one of the area's I most needed inner healing and growth.
Looking back it affected many things: how I saw myself, my own codependency, and even my choice in men - in a particular way the man I married. What I really needed from my dad was not often emotionally available to me, and that affected me more than I realized as I got older.

I am grateful and proud of the inner work I have done over the last six years to acknowledge and heal that wound. However, I was not expecting such a profound insight into this healing journey with my dad almost a year after he died. And yet, the more I sat in that realization, the more I prayed about it or discussed it with my spiritual director, I began to see God was at work here.

Watching my dad physically suffer while we helped care for him and into his final days was one of the hardest yet most sacred experiences of my life.
It was as if all the healing work I had faced in my father wound Jesus came and said to me, "My sweet Patty girl, all this has been restored and made whole. Your dad is gone but all this is healed as much as it can be this side of Heaven."
Dad's physical presence is gone. And yet, I feel closer to him in several ways. Our relationship is more whole and healed.
Perhaps it sounds a bit odd, it certainly feels weird to say it this way. But it is true. To the deep part of my soul, it is true.
I know not everyone perhaps has this experience with a parent who passed away. So Jesus, find me very grateful and humble for that beautiful insight. It makes me more hopeful and excited for the day when I see my dad again and am able to give him a big bear hug.

Dad may be gone, but it has all been healed.

Jesus, find me grateful for that.

Three Things Andrew Garfield Teaches Us About Grief

As I experience the milestones of the first year after my dad's passing, I find myself curious about how grief can manifest in one's life. Whether it's in response to the loss of a parent, child, spouse, or significant other, grief is universally messy, painful, and raw. There is no one way to navigate it.Loss will inevitably touch each of our lives; it's necessarily part of the human experience.
Recently, I came across an interview with actor Andrew Garfield (you may know him better as Spider-Man) on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert. I have been following Garfield's work with interest and curiosity, so to hear him talk about the recent loss of his own mother touched me in a particular way.
What Garfield had to say about grief is bound to resonate with anyone who's experienced loss, recently or otherwise.

Grief is unexpressed love

Garfield beautifully referred to the grief he feels for the loss of his mother as "unexpressed love." When we grieve the loss of a loved one, a big portion of what we miss is never being able to hug or hold that person again, to laugh and smile and be silly together, to hear the sound of his or her voice.

It is all those moments we won't get to express our love, affection, and warmth and the end of being able to experience receiving those things from the person whose presence we are grieving.

In his heartfelt interview with Colbert, Garfield says, "I hope this grief stays with me because it's all the unexpressed love that I didn't get to tell her. And I told her every day."

You can read the rest over at Verily.

ten years

Ten years ago this month, I started a blog.
(Okay, technically it was January...so I am off one day!)
I remember another friend had started a blog sharing about her work in ministry and her new life as a wife and mom. I looked up to this person; in some ways, I wanted to be like her when I grew up. 

As I read her blog, I thought to myself, "This looks like fun. Gosh, I could do that!"
And so I started.

I started it about six months before my wedding. After getting married, I used it as a little spot to talk and reflect on marriage, my faith, and working in ministry.
Over the last ten years, this space has changed and evolved. In many ways, just like me.
I have went through divorce, annulment, dating and being single, career changes...pretty much a lot of the "big" adult things.
I have went through big changes here; healed, grown, and shifted.
From the time I was a little girl, I loved writing. When I began this space, I saw it as a creative outlet I could practice the art of writing. 
And you know what happened?

a 2012 Patty...

I discovered something in this little space - my soul came alive in new ways writing. It helped me find myself in deeper ways and became a way to process and navigate hard things in my life.
I did it just for me, for Patty. Not knowing where it would take me. 

Yes, blogging has led me to opportunities to write more professionally online and speak from time to time. Those experiences enriched me as a woman and I am grateful for opportunities to be paid for my work.
However, those experiences alone do not keep me writing. 
I keep writing because I love it. I keep writing because it is a fire in my soul, my blue flame if you will. I keep writing because it helps me feel more connected to my own heart, my spirit, and to God.

a 2022 Patty

This humble little space has done more good for me than I anticipated. 
Happy anniversary, little blog. Happy anniversary, writing life. Happy anniversary, sweet dream I never let die.
You brought me more than I ever expected: a deeper sense of being connected to myself and the heart of Divine love.

What Does It (Really) Mean to Be a Feminine Woman?

When you heard the word femininity, what comes to mind?
There was a period in my life if you had asked me that question I would have answered something like: being quiet, reflective, wearing dresses, etc. 
Growing up, one of the harmful messages I hd to let go and undo over time was unhelpful messaging about what it meant to be a little girl, to be feminine. 
There are very particular memories I have where my mom would repeatedly remind me to be a good girl, a quiet girl and act ladylike. 
"Remember," mom would say to me, "Nobody like a loud girl."
While her intention was not to hurt me, my sensitive Patty heart absorbed unhelpful (and unhealthy) messages about what it meant to be a girl.
As I have gotten older, I can see how this instance was one of the most hurtful messages I absorbed as a little girl and carried with me into my early twenties.
What I heard in those words was, "Be different from who you are. Act a certain way or people will not accept or like you."
"Being loud equals being bad."

Why share such a personal story with you?
Because sometimes I feel in Catholic circles there is a false perception of what it means to be feminine, to be a woman.
To be feminine is never a one-size fits all prescription. It looks different for every woman because we are all unique and none of us are the same.

Head over to Catholic Match to read the rest ...

369 Days Later.

It has been just over one year.
One year since the last time I saw my dad. One year since he took his last breath on this earth.

I was feeling a little restless and anxious as January 22 drew near.
There was a part of me that wanted the day to hurry up and pass by as quickly as possible. As if the death of my dad wasn't hard enough, there are other losses in life I am navigating and working through; those things made the loss of dad's presence feel even more profound.
While Saturday was a difficult day, I was so grateful to feel the love and support of many people in my life.

The day before, several women from my Bible study had sundae fixings delivered to my apartment so I could have a sweet treat to celebrate my dads feast day. Saturday morning my pastor offered the 9am Mass intention for the soul of my dad. As I drove home afterwards, he called me to check on me and see how I was doing. 
I had many friends text me throughout the day; checking on me, letting me know there were praying for me, or sharing ways in their own life they were celebrating dads feast day. I even had an Instagram friend from Ireland offer Mass for my dad at her local cathedral in Ireland. She sent me a video clip of the priest praying for the soul of Deacon Kevin Breen on the first anniversary of his death.
My prayer buddy and soul sister Mave, texted me throughout the day and called on me to see how I was feeling. She was ever present to me on a hard day.

It was a real comfort to feel such love and support from so many people.

My siblings and I went to my moms house (it still feels weird to say that sometimes) for lunch and then went to the 5pm Mass at the parish we grew up at, where dad also served as the deacon. Do you ever have those times where going to Mass is the absolute last ting you want to do? This day was one of those for me.
I felt sad and disconnected from my heart; in some ways, just numb with grief. I cried through most of Mass, and left as quickly as I could afterwards. Driving home, I had a very frank and direct conversation with Jesus - in which I used a fair amount of four lettered words.Feeling sad and lonely, I was honest with Jesus about the day and other things on my mind.

I ended the day with a little too much ice cream (thanks Bible Babes!) and several hours of hanging out in Stars Hollow with the Gilmore girls.

I have great hope and confidence of where my dad is. I know he is more alive now than ever, and I am grateful he is not in physical pain or suffering. But I just wish I could have one more hug. I wish he would call me on the phone. I wish I could hear his laugh.

One of the most beautiful things I heard leading up to dads feast day, was something my girlfriend's mom shared with her growing up: the day a person is born and the day they die are the most powerful days to ask their intercession and prayers. If we have the hope and trust a person is with God in their eternal reward, it is their new job to advocate for us in Heaven.
So, Kate reminded me, it is my dads job to ADVOCATE on my behalf before the throne of God. Isn't that absolutely beautiful?
I took that to heart and especially on dads feast day, asked his prayers for some very particular intentions.

Life continues to move forward even when it is forever changed by something like death. 



Dad -Wherever I am, you'll always be.More than just a memory...

The New, Exciting, and Surprising (AKA Where I Have Been)

So what has been going on this past year? Where I have been?
Well for starters, not really on here writing much.

Each year of the pandemic has been different. With it, has brought in new experiences; some wonderful and some harder than others.
January 22 is the first anniversary of dad's death. It is crazy to think a year has passed where I haven't been able to hear his voice or hug him. I believe and trust he is in the Joy of Heaven, but as the Christmas season drew closer, I felt the ache of missing him all the more.
Christmas was particularly hard for me this year. Namely, one of them dad being gone. 
This year on January 22, I will attend Mass at my little parish where the priest will offer the Mass for dad's soul. Later in the afternoon, my siblings and I will go to my mom's house for lunch and then the 5pm Mass at the parish we grew up at, where dad served as the deacon for many years.
If could remember the soul of Deacon Kevin and my family on January 22, I would be so grateful.
I shared the exciting news about my new job. My little office is nicely set up in my bedroom, and I am really enjoying wearing my cozy Ugg slippers to work each day. 

I started going to CrossFit last March and am still sticking with it. I love it so much more than I would and it feels amazing to see my body get stronger and what it is capable of doing. One of my goals for 2022 is to spend a month or two working one-on-one with a personal trainer.
In October I ran my third Detroit marathon. It wasn't my best race, but the weather was perfect and I had lots of people cheering me on.
One of the best surprises was beginning to date Joe last December. However, shortly after our one year anniversary and Christmas, we decided to stop dating each other. Honestly, I think I possibly saw it coming since the middle of the summer. 
There was a lot of clarity and peace in the decision but I am sad things did not work out as I hoped. I loved both him and his three kids a lot. In the end, we both are in very different spaces. My heart is grieving right now, but I am proud of myself for not settling and trusting my heart through it all.
I signed up to lead a pilgrimage to the Holy Land with one of my best friends in September. I am so excited to go, I still cannot believe it is actually happening.
I started an LLC for my writing and speaking. I am excited to have some out of state speaking engagements over the next few months, and am hopeful this will lead to more opportunities.
As part of my LLC, I want to re-design this space here with a more professional website. As part of that, I am having a professional photo shoot this Saturday for new headshots. Who am I kidding, I am also absolutely doing it for new photos to use in online dating.
2021 was full of all kinds of things I didn't expect, some wonderful and some more difficult.
I am intrigued to see what 2022 holds for me. The word I picked for the year is STRENGTH, which I think will be teach me something in more ways than one.

I feel like the world is at my finger tips.
I am starting 2022 with some sadness and hurt, but am also brimming with hope and expectant faith.

I look forward to seeing you more around here these parts. :)

A New Year. A New Adventure.

Do people even read blogs anymore?
(Patty awkwardly dusts this thing off).

It has been a very long time since I have shown up around these parts other than an occasional post of sharing some writing.
I have missed blogging, more than I thought. Even if a ton of people don't come here, I do really love having a creative space to write. 
A lot has happened in the last year - more on that in an upcoming post.
One of the biggest changes most recently is I have started a new job. Actually, a brand new career in a direction I never imagined for myself.
After working in lay ministry for the Catholic Church for over a decade, I have made a transition into Catholic healthcare.

For the last two or three years, I have been restless in parish ministry and desiring a change. Since March, I have been actively looking, working on my resume, and going through interviews. The week before Thanksgiving I was offered a position at Ascension Health as a Ministry Formation Manager in the Michigan market.
To say I was excited is an understatement. When the woman in HR called to tell me I was chosen, I told her that someone needs to show me how to do a cartwheel - because I was that happy about it!
My role is connected to Mission Integration in growing and strengthening Catholic identity through offering meaningful and relevant spiritual formation to all associates within Ascension. I will also help develop and lead different formational retreats and work with volunteer mission teams at different hospitals within Ascension.
In more ways than one, this is the career move and job I have been waiting for. Everyone I have met has been so welcoming and I love the team I am on. I started on January 3 and my first week went really well. While it feels like I am drinking from a firehose, I know this is exactly where I supposed to be. It truly feels like God placed me in this new career, and I am so grateful for it.
Due to the pandemic, I am working remotely from home which is a transition but I know I will get my extrovert needs met in other ways. I have a cozy little work space set up in my bedroom.
I am looking forward to being "here" more this year. I am planning to finally transition to a permanent domain name and have my sister help me re-work my blog into a professional website.
There are lots of other things I want to share and write about here, but I will leave some of that for later.


What exciting things are starting off your new year so far?



I hope your 2022 is off to a bright and beautiful beginning!