02 December 2013

Top 5 Stupidest Fights...

....in the 18 months we have been married.

A few nights ago, Jim and I were reminiscing about the crazy, stupid fights we have had in being married thus far.  Feels weird to talk about reminiscing on old fights, but man oh man have we wasted time and energy on fighting on some crazy dumb things.  We actually categorized which ones were our top 5.  Thankfully we didn't argue on that; well, at least not too much.
The following were our favorites:)

1. The ever sacred "chore chart"
Let's just say I like structure.  I especially like my way of structuring things because lets face it before you I got married, I definitely liked doing things my way.  Because of course my way was the correct way.  This was very true especially when it came to keeping a neat/clean home.  About two weeks after we got back from our Alaskan cruise honeymoon, I eagerly sat down with Jim at dinner and said something to the effect of, "Okay, so honey when are we going to make up a chore chart for our home?"  I was dead serious, and Jim just stared at me.  Clearly I didn't get it, because I started happily chatting away about how often things should be clean and home maintenance and blah blah blah blah (insert the voice of the teacher from the Charlie Brown movies here).

We have fought long and hard many time on when to clean, how to clean, who should clean; you name it, we've probably had some "lively discussions" about it.  The trickiest part of it all was that in my home of origin I grew up on chore chart, Mom had it color coated and all perfectly aligned and hanging neatly on the fridge; chores were just a part of life as I knew it.  In Jim's family of origin, it was the total opposite; he had no household chores and his Mom did everything herself, including everybody's laundry.  So here we had little Miss Lysol meets Mr. Pigpen.  Obviously after we came home from our lovely honeymoon, our two worlds of expectations on chores/household cleaning were about to have a head on collision. 

Only in the past few months have we begun to strike a balance that challenges me to be a less critical and controlling bear, while challenging Jim to be more pro-active and responsible in chores.  We created a chore chart together with chores that to need to happen and how often we complete them.  It is a fine and fancy Excel document that even has a box to for our initials when we complete chores.  Oh.happy.day.  Even better it has definitely helped resolve some of the crazy tension around chores in our home.

2. Are farts funny or gross/stupid?
If you be a gal who doesn't find potty humor funny, move on to #3.
My dear husband is the type of man who finds potty humor to be quite hysterical, like uncontrollable-giggles-hysterical.  Growing up for him it was very normal to have burping contests at dinner and multiple people finding humor in the noises of bodily functions (farting).  Manners were a big deal for us growing up and when we were younger my Mom didn't even like the word fart.

We actually had a debate one night (that may have did escalate in term of volume aka yelling) on how Jim thinks some potty humor is fine and that there is nothing inherently wrong about laughing at a fart.  I on the other hand find constant potty humor and drawing attention to farts icky, gross, and generally not as funny.  Needless to say I have gotten my panties all bunched up about bodily noises and probably did make a bigger deal on it than necessary.
So our combined conclusion when it comes to farting? There is an appropriate time and place to find such related things hysterically funny (Jim), but it is certainly not something to get SO bent outta shape on (Patty).  I may never find a good fart story terribly funny, but then again Jim probably will never get stoked to scrub the kitchen floor or do a crafting project with me either:)

3.  How often to clean the toilets
 Yes this is related to #1.  In fighting about how to do chores/make a chore chart, one thing we kept coming back to was how often to clean the toilets.  Jim's prized theory?  Clean it when you think you should, i.e. maybe once a month.  When I heard that I was ready to hit gingerly tap him on the head with the toilet brush.  I was shocked and kindly let Jim know just because you don't see germs or the toilet looks like it needs to be cleaned, doesn't mean you just leave it for a whole month.  After some a lot of going back and forth and researching online actually how dirty a toilet easily gets in a small household, we both came to a happy place and decided we can live in a home where the toilets are cleaned every other week.  Although sometimes I still get an urge to throw in an occasional weekly clean...

4. Decorating
 Both of us can tend to be stubborn people at times, so when it came to decorating it definitely took longer than needed because whether a picture to hang or where to place furniture we both wanted it done. our. way.
How many ungodly hours did we spend arguing where to hang our Papal blessing we received as a wedding gift....really of all things to argue about we chose that one??  Then there were of course the several occasions I decided to take a whack at hanging pictures/decorations on the wall myself.  After too many holes in the wrong place and not putting it in an agreed place between the both of us, Jim wasn't too impressed with my efforts. 
Learning to decorate together with both of us involved has been a process, but looking back I see now how it really is important that we both are a part of making our house into a home.

5.  Names for future children
This is one is my personal favorite.  Ever since I was a little girl, I always liked to dream and imagine what the names of my future babies would me.  So off course when I met the husband, I thought this would be a fun game to play together. no.such.luck.
Currently we have no children and no bun baking in the oven, but geez-a-lou have we had some discussions on names for future little ones.  I got so mad one time, yes I admit I stormed out of the apartment.  I really think Jim likes to come up with the most odd, possibly heinous names merely to piss me off and drive me bonkers.  Apparently it has worked.
Jim's favorite names? Bartholomew, Odysseus, Thor, Samson, Gizmo, Edna, Marge.  Even though he was mostly joking, it made me mentally nuts to even imagine bringing home a baby Thor Hubbard.  The situation was not helped any when Jim said my favorite girl name (Emma) could never work because it made him think of enema.  Thanks dearest for that one:)
All I know is when we do have little ones I think we will already have had plenty of discussions to cover names we do and do not like.

18 months in and we have had some interesting just plain crazy, weird fights...here's to hoping the next 18 months and years are full of more wisdom and maturity on both our parts!


  1. Your title had me giggling right away. Every couple has them. The topic of our #1 stupidest fight was about me spilling water on the floor and wiping it up with bath towels. So many fights really are NOT worthwhile. In fact, probably all but a very, very few.

  2. Gizmo and Marge. I laughed veryyy hard at thaat...

  3. Oh my. Were we brought up in the same household? And do you think our husbands could possibly be brothers? Haha! #1 I was also brought up with a chore chart (it's still in the same place it has been for years) and my husband was not...at all. I laughed out loud at the Charlie Brown teacher's voice reference! #2 I also don't find a lot of humor in fart stories or inappropriate farts. My husband on the other hand...;-) #3 Cleaning the toilet HAS to happen weekly. #4 My husband LOVES Thor (movie/name) and my favorite girl name is Emma! Your husband's choices are hilarious. Thanks for sharing! ;-)

    1. Oh my gosh Gabby, too. funny.!!! Thanks for backing me up on the weekly toilet cleaning ;-)

  4. This post is such a great reminder that ALL great couples fight - and petty fights at that! Thank you!

    And seriously, my husband mistakenly thinks he will name our future children Betty Sue and Little Johnny. Redneck much?! His name card has been officially taken away...

  5. Oh my goodness your name fight had me laughing :) Stephen and I are weird in that we very rarely fight, but when we do it's usually over something really stupid haha.

  6. Haha, so I'm obviously catching up on what I missed...And I don't know that I'll get to everything, but I had to read this. Because if you recall, I tend to think that you and Jim often fight about some of the same things we fight about. And yes, about a year ago we really hit the climax of the "War on Chores". At least I think we did. I suppose we have a number of years left in our marriage to really see...May I ask, how did you ever settle on the frequency for chore completion? This has always been our issue. I see your toilet cleaning frequency argument and we have had the same over vacuuming.

    And yes, my husband has also always found poop to be the funniest thing in the world. It took me years to get to a place where I understood this (mind you, I have known him for 17 years now and I think I finally "got" it just a few years ago). He grew up with 3 brothers and all 4 of them still think poop is the funniest thing going. As I said, I have come to a place where I can participate somewhat in the poop jokes, but it is really weird...

  7. Hello from the Sheenazing list! It seems you were married about 6 months before me, and your journey has been similar to ours. Thanks for sharing your story!


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