Codependent Red Flags & What You Can Do
I'm convinced every single human being has issues and probably at some point in life would benefit from going to counseling.
I still go for regular tune ups myself.
One of the the greatest lessons I've learned about myself through that journey is how I have codependent tendencies. I most especially realized this after my divorce as I started diving deeper into my healing work. I read a lot of books that have helped me in this area.
While I am a few years past that chapter of life, I still find I have to live acutely aware how easily these tendencies can sneak up behind me.
What does it mean to be codependent?
If you're in a codependent relationship, you will find yourself basing your self-worth and sense of purpose on your partner's approval. Often times your life revolves around someone else in an unhealthy way. This can quickly become a dysfunctional cycle of sacrificing yourself for the sake of someone else's happiness, while often receiving very little in return.
Codependency is an unhealthy, chaotic dance you dance with another person, it could be a friend, family member, or significant other. In my life, I was in a very codependent relationship when I was married.
If you are new to understanding what is and is not codependent behavior, I would HIGHLY recommend you read everything on this topic by Melody Beattie. She is the guru and go-to person for the best of the best stuff on codependency.
Seriously, just do yourself a favor and read all her books.
Some red flags to consider?
- You feel your happiness depends on another person
- You are not able to say no to your partner
- You struggle to focus on your own needs and lean towards people pleasing
- You feel guilty for not helping others, sometimes this may look like mothering
- You NEED to feel needed
- You struggle (often a lot) with boundaries
- You may struggle with communication
- Your mood is dictated by your partner's behavior and actions (boy did I struggle with this one!)
This is just a sample, there are plenty more red flags.
What I have found in my own life, is self-awareness is key. Once I started to learn and understand what codependency was, I began to see how it played out in my daily life and relationships.
Once you can see things for what they are, continue educating yourself more. Read books (enter Melody Beattie). Consider finding a therapist to help you grow and learn new tools. Think about joining a support group like Co-Dependents Anonymous (CODA) to find support and practical tools for your life and relationships.
When we are able to identify unhealthy patterns, then we are able to deconstruct the chaos and entanglement in our relationships.
You are worth the time and work.
Healthy love (which I did not always know what that looked like) is about creating relationships that are inter-dependent and built on respect and honesty.
I know I still have codependent tendencies that creep in from time to time.
But I also know I am a lot wiser and stronger for growing through these issues.
09
10
Patty, thank you so much for vulnerably sharing about this topic! A few months back, my counselor had me read "The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists" and that book talked a bit about codependency, and it was really eye-opening. I don't think I personally struggle with these particular issues (I've got plenty of other stuff I'm working through haha!), but I think that learning about these topics is helpful to build my own self-awareness, so that I can try and catch myself if I start leaning towards one of these types of unhealthy behaviors.
ReplyDeleteAlso, as a side note, have you heard that there's a new podcast about Catholicism and the psychosciences, mental health, etc.? It's called Catholic Psyche, and I've only listened to a couple episodes but I think it's great and that it will do really good things :)
Dr.Agbazara Your spell worked and brought my husband back to me. You gave me support when I was feeling hopeless. I feel truly blessed to have found your email address. I sincerely hope others will take that leap of faith and let you help them as you have helped me.for those of you who want to contact him reach him on his email address: ( agbazara@gmail.com ) OR WHATSAPP +2348104102662 you will never regret contacting him… He is capable of restoring your relationship and marriage problems like he did for me.
ReplyDeleteThis was pretty much me up until my early 20s. Having been rejected by my peers as a child, and growing up with parents who had no idea what was going (especially a strict father who demanded high grades in school), I had a hard time standing up for myself when others disrespected me, all because I didn't want them to dislike me. Most of the people I used to attract into my life were pretty self-centered too. Thankfully, I overcame it not long ago. The inner peace that you find after overcoming it is amazing, and that's not the only good thing that comes with it.
ReplyDelete*All my life i have never seen anything that work so fast like Dr.Agbazara spell. After contacting Dr.Agbazara then i started believing in the saying that every coin has two sides. When my lover left me she sworn never to come back to me again but thank God that through the help of Dr.Agbazara i have my lover back to me within 48 hours and i will also want other people that are heart broken to contact Dr.Agbazara through these details below which are via email: ( agbazara@gmail.com ) or via Whatsapp on +2348104102662 then you can see the wonders of Dr.Agbazara*
ReplyDeleteHey! Thank your for sharing this blog. In my opinion, a person who is Codependent will plan their entire life around pleasing the other person, or the enabler.
ReplyDelete