I have always been waiting on some level throughout my life. Waiting to grow up, waiting for the perfect guy to marry, waiting for that life I dreamt up over many years, waiting to be down with school. I was waiting for the next biggest, best thing to achieve or have in my life.
I was always just one step away from getting the next thing that would make me happy, complete, and full. In sense, its almost like for a portion of life I was waiting for my life to start.
Shauna Niequist says it so perfectly in her book, Cold Tangerines: "I don't want to wait anymore. I choose to believe that there is nothing more sacred or profound than this day. The big moments are the daily, tiny moments of courage and forgiveness and hope that we grab on and extend to one another. The big moments are in every hour, every conversation, every meal, every meeting."
I don't want my life to be defined by just waiting for the big moments, but I want it defined by the beauty and grace of every little moment of every single day. A lot of those things I waited and hoped for in life I now have: a real job, finishing school, financially independent, and a husband. As I waited for life to actually begin, I actually missed out on a lot.
John Lennon is credited with saying, "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans." For a long time, I was busy waiting for the next big moment in life to fill me up. It was years later before I saw how empty a way that is to live.
Now life is in a different waiting place, not the kind where you're waiting for next greatest event or thing. I am waiting on God. Waiting for His wisdom, clarity, and guidance in life. Waiting for Him to stir me and lead me. When you don't know what to do or where to turn, just wait on God. And in a certain way, that's what I am doing, just waiting on God.
A good chunk of life I spent waiting for life to start, and now life is in a different kind of waiting. A more peaceful, less busy type of waiting. Waiting on God right now is reminding me yet again the only person I can control is myself.
Waiting on God is reminding me how He is in control and I am not. Waiting on God is reminding me my only dependance should be on Him.
And between the two different types of waiting, I would much rather be in this current waiting place right now.