My relationship with food has been an interesting one. For one, I like food. I am fan of eating; especially sweets. I can remember the first time I thought I was fat. I have done a fair share of diets and work-out gimmicks in my almost 29 years. Towards the end of high school, I did the Atkins Diet and got down to my lowest weight ever at 145-140 pounds. I thrived on no carbs all the time. I used babysitting money to go to the health food store to buy low carb bars and treats.
My parents started getting worried, and I can still remember the night they sat me down and said I needed to start eating a more balanced diet. I was devastated. I did not have a healthy relationship with food, and it didn't help I just got a job at Panera working in the bakery; the pounds quickly piled on. I didn't know how to interact with food in a healthy way. When at my highest weight in college at 195 lbs I knew my relationship with food was off.way.off.
So I decided to start the new year right by heading to Weight Watchers. After loosing 35 pounds, I felt I was turning a corner. I was starting to learn about what a healthy relationship with food looked like. My clothes fit better, I felt more confidant, and how I viewed food was changing.
Fast forward to the present-July 2014. Since loosing (and still maintaining!) the weight lost almost 8 years ago, I have been getting lazy in staying committed to being healthy. I quit going to weekly WW meetings and would honestly rather eat dirt than exercise. I wasn't tracking my points and my weight loss had really fizzled out.
About a month ago, I read a great book by Jennifer Hudson (American Idol turned WW spokesperson) and it was a kick-in-the-butt I needed to wake up and realize why I wasn't where I wanted to be with my health; because I stopped caring and wasn't making it a priority.
I decided to start going to weekly WW meetings again. I need that accountability. AND I added the dreaded e word into my life; exercise.
I detested exercise something FIERCE. Sure, I would have occasional stints of "gyming it up" but nothing seriously committed to staying fit. So this time I decided to go big or go home; which for me meant take up running.
Since May, I have been training with Couch to 5K and surprise, surprise am actually really loving it?! Folks. I have NEVER stuck with any type o' exercise this long in my life. I just finished week 5 and after week 8 I graduate to being able to run 3.1 miles. Saturday I just ran 20 minutes straight. for the first time.since high school. I probably looked like a complete fool dancing around and fist pumping it up afterwards, but it didn't phase me one bit. I felt so proud of myself for doing something I never thought I could do. I have pushed and stretched myself a little more each week; and its paying off in more ways than one.
Running three times a week along with tracking my WW points and staying accountable for what I eat is helping me get back on track. I have never liked the word 'diet'. For me it screams deprivation, non-tasty food, and is very limiting. I'm thinking Teresa would agree with me.
For me it wasn't all them banana's that made me gain weight. I stopped caring. I emotionally ate. I wasn't thinking about what I was putting in my mouth or if I was even hungry. This is no longer about finding the right diet. I am so done with that crazy making. Exercise and WW are becoming a lifestyle plan for me.
As I have gotten older, I am slowly learning to be more gentle and patient with myself...learning how important it is to care for my physical body as much I would my spiritual health.
And amid all the ice cream, cake, banana's and low-fat salad dressing that bit of truth is so.so. good for my soul.