Freshly 34 & Loving It

I spent the summer living a rich and full life.
As my birthday neared in early September, I was excited and hopeful for the promises and surprises ahead in the coming year.
The whole month felt like one long parade of retreats, birthday celebrations, joy, and new things God is saying to me.
My last weekend of being 33, I went to Nashville with a close friend to attend the Blessed is She SHINE retreat. I saw old friends and made real-life connections with faces from social media. Jesus reminded me of things He said to me this past summer, Just remember your sunflower.
Before heading home, I geeked out at the Johnny Cash museum (see below), ate some great BBQ, and tried on my first pair of Western boots. Pink sparkles included.

My mom and I started my birthday with a good heart chat on all the things going on in life from work to writing to my string of mediocre dates along with some hopeful potentials. 
Later that weekend, a friend hosted a joint birthday party for the both of us at her new home. Twinkle lights, a roaring bonfire, good food and drinks, even better company, all topped off with singing and a cake topped with candles. It was the makings for a perfect night. I felt cherished and loved by my friends and it made me feel so grateful for the people in my life.

At the end of September, the writing team for Blessed is She got together for a weekend of prayer, writing, and the largest slumber party I have ever attended.
It was good, deep soul rest at every level. I flew back to Detroit tired (that three hour time change is no joke!) but happily so.

 Do you ever have a birthday that leaves you feeling the possibilities are endless for what could happen in the next twelve months?!

I feel that way as I start 34, the anticipation, hope, and excitement of what lies ahead.

And no, I am not talking about meeting Mr. Patty Breen, though I would love to find a good man to share my life with.

But I feel excited about what lies ahead in whole-hearted living, just me right where I am. Bit by bit, more speaking opportunities are unfolding in my lap. I have new avenues opening up to write. I have new friendships that are so life-giving to my heart and travel adventures I am excited to try.

I have had more than my share of mediocre dates. Online dating is "interesting" to say the least. I am just showing up, being open, and telling Jesus I just want to do His will.


I sometimes forget that my present reality is smack dab in the will of God, not my future but right where God has me. And there is a freeing sense of peace living like that in a way I never really known. It is hard to explain.

So here we go 34.
I am ready for all you have this year for me.

Learning to Listen without Getting Defensive

Have you ever been in a conversation and felt that the other person was not really listening to you?
Perhaps you have observed a conversation and realized, Hmmm, that person is not really listening but just waiting to respond. Chances are, if someone was giving you feedback instead of making you feel truly heard, your first response might be defensiveness.
We all have flaws in our personality - things we are not proud of that perhaps affect how we act or relate to other people. Over the last five or six years, I have become more aware that one weakness of mine is defensiveness.

Relationship therapist Dr. John Gottman uses the metaphor of the Four Horsemen to describe four types of communication styles that can predict the end of a relationship. 

They are criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. The third in Gottman's list, defensiveness is typically a response to criticism from another individual. It is a way of reacting, but you might not always notice that in the moment.

How do we listen authentically without getting defensive?
It may be more difficult now than ever. People seem to be more divided on topics, which makes it exhausting to enter into healthy dialogue rather than reacting and getting defensive.

Read the rest over at Verily . . .

My Sunflower Summer

I have never been the type to enjoy gardening. 
When we had family work days growing up, I would make some excuse about needing to go to the bathroom. I then proceeded to grab a stack of books and go sit in the bathtub reading until my parents noticed my long term absence.
When I started living on my own, my mom helped me take the time to garden herbs or have some potted plants in the spring and summer months. Nothing fancy. Just enough to brighten up my balcony.
This year around Memorial Day, we were filling some pots with different flowers and Mom came across a package of sunflower seeds. We tossed a few in one of the larger pots, watered it, and I took it home.
This entire summer I faithfully been watering my sunflower plant. It grew tall and strong. Green and stocky.
But the frustrating thing was it never produced any sunflower blooms. I was getting frustrated.  I did my part in the watering.  Come on already, give a little!
I jokingly started referring to it as "the sunflower plant that never bloomed."
I kept on watering, but in my mind just accepted it may never happen.

The second week of August I went to Florida to visit a dear friend. The Tuesday I came home and saw the wind blew over my sunflower plant. After I hauled in my luggage, I went on the balcony to tip up the plant. 
As I stood the plant up, I saw one solitary sunflower bloom on the verge of opening.
In that moment, Jesus stopped me and caught my attention.
"Do you see that sunflower bloom?" 
Yeah, so what?
"Come back to this. Let's talk about it more."

The next few morning over my coffee and morning prayer, I talked with Jesus about that one sunflower. I listened to what He had to say to me about it.
And that was?
"All summer long, you thought that plant would never bloom. You thought things would never change. But then all of sudden, something changed. You were surprised. That sunflower is analogy for your life right now. Life will unfold and just surprise you."

Yes, Lord.  Those realizations and early morning heart chats were exactly my little heart needed.
Life often does not go how we imagine, dream, or plan. But to hear the voice of the living God speak to me in moments of loneliness or uncertainty is pure gift. 
There is such a comfort in knowing the voice of God, that He desires to speak and reveal Himself to me in the smallest, simplest ways.
Even in something like a sunflower. 

In a few days I turn 34.
I have no idea what the year will bring. In some ways I was shocked to see how certain things went this past year.
What I have learned from my sunflower summer is that you cannot prepare for your life. It will unfold in time. Just be open, live with open hands, and allow yourself to be surprised.