Learning to Listen without Getting Defensive

Have you ever been in a conversation and felt that the other person was not really listening to you?
Perhaps you have observed a conversation and realized, Hmmm, that person is not really listening but just waiting to respond. Chances are, if someone was giving you feedback instead of making you feel truly heard, your first response might be defensiveness.
We all have flaws in our personality - things we are not proud of that perhaps affect how we act or relate to other people. Over the last five or six years, I have become more aware that one weakness of mine is defensiveness.

Relationship therapist Dr. John Gottman uses the metaphor of the Four Horsemen to describe four types of communication styles that can predict the end of a relationship. 

They are criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. The third in Gottman's list, defensiveness is typically a response to criticism from another individual. It is a way of reacting, but you might not always notice that in the moment.

How do we listen authentically without getting defensive?
It may be more difficult now than ever. People seem to be more divided on topics, which makes it exhausting to enter into healthy dialogue rather than reacting and getting defensive.

Read the rest over at Verily . . .