I recently shared that my Dad is dying. Our family is navigating the painful reality of watching my Dad slowly decline of a disease similar to ALS.
For the last few months, my siblings and I take turns helping care for my Dad on the days my Mom is working. It is equal parts sacred and sad.
Several weeks ago, I began to pray a short prayer as I drove to my folks house on the days I would help care for Dad.
Jesus, help me be a good Simon.
Simon of Cyrene, the man we know little to nothing about from Scripture. We know he was in Jerusalem for the celebration of Passover. We know he was with his two sons Rufus and Alexander. We know he was chosen at random, an innocent bystander, to help Jesus carry his cross on the way to Calvary.
A man we do not know much about, and yet, he played such an important role in the final hours f the life of Jesus.
I have thought a lot of about Simon over the last few months as Dad's health declines and he is able to do less and less for himself.
In what is hard, painful, and scary in watching my Dad suffer, I can ask Jesus to help me be a good Simon to my Dad during his own passion and suffering.
I am Simon when I help my Dad wash his beard and hair because he struggles with bathing himself more. I am Simon when make sure Dad has all his medicines and daily pills.I am Simon when I validate his feelings and emotions when he is struggling and feeling overwhelmed.I am Simon when I help Dad get up from his chair, pick him up from PT, or help him put on his compression socks.
I am Simon whenever I show up to be with Dad in his physical and spiritual suffering.
Jesus, help me be a good Simon.
I don't when or what propelled me to start praying this prayer on my way to go visit or help care for my Dad. However, it just seems to fit.
Like Simon, I have no control over the situation regarding my Dad's health and rapid decline. Simon had little say in the matter of being pressed into service carrying the cross for Jesus.
Yet it was in this random chance surprise of encountering the suffering Christ, I like to think Simon was radically changed by helping Jesus carry the cross.
Similarly, I believe that I am being changed by being a Simon of Cyrene to my Dad in his own suffering.
While this is sad and hard at times, it is also beautiful and sacred.
Walking this journey of suffering and death with my Dad reminds me how little control I have of the situations around me and outside of my own experience.Even though some days it is scary and overwhelming, I know God is near and present.
So no matter how long the time is left I have with my Dad, the prayer most frequently on my lips is, Jesus help me be a good Simon.
2020 has been a hard, heavy not just for some, but in many ways, for all of us.
I have been feeling the impact of some heavy things in my own life over the last few months.
Even though I have very frankly told Jesus I cannot handle one more heavy hit in my life, I know something sacred is going on. Life can be hard, yet holy.
My Dad is dying. Our family is celebrating our last set of holidays with him this year.In July, he was diagnosed with a rare neurological disease similar to ALS. Since then, his health and physical abilities continue to decline. We know it will only get worse from here.My siblings and I each take turns working remotely on days my mom works so my Dad will have someone to help care for him.
It is both devastating and sacred, sad yet holy. Please prayer for my Dad (his name is Deacon Kevin Breen) and our family as we walk this road of suffering and pain with him.
I am grieving the loss of my Dad as I know him but also the losses which I will experience after he is gone. He will never see me get remarried someday. He will never baptize anymore of his grandchildren or meet any of my babies.
I am so grateful for the time we are savoring and soaking up as a family as I balance caring for my own emotional and spiritual health during this difficult time.
Hard yet holy.
About five weeks ago, I broke up with my boyfriend. Looking back, I made the best decision for myself in true peace and freedom. I think in all honesty, I saw it coming on certain levels. We ended things amicably, but in the end, there were certain things I began to realize and experience that would not be good for me longterm.
I am getting back into dating (whatever that looks like during a pandemic!?) in a way that feels healthy and empowering for me. I have been on a few dates including two over Zoom, which actually were more fun than I anticipated.
I know what I want and need in a relationship. I know what I deserve, am worth, and am not willing to put up with. Jesus, can we please have three times be the charm meet the right man for me? You cool with that? Thanks.
Hard yet holy.
A writing project I was hoping would turn into a book deal with a well known Catholic publisher was denied. It was such a disappointment to receive, but I do believe the writing samples I have are a story that needs to be told. Just because this publisher did not want it, does not mean it will never be published.
Because these holidays will be our last with my Dad, all the more reason we safely and carefully got together. It was a special yet bittersweet day. We enjoyed a delicious meal. My BIL made a bonfire outside and we opened the door so my Dad could enjoy it all bundled up. We enjoyed our family tradition of watching Die Hard with our dessert.
There were hard, painful moments, but also moments of laughter and joy together. The day after Thanksgiving my brother, sister and nephew, and I came over to help my parents put up their tree and decorate for Christmas.
No matter how hard the holidays will be this year, I am so grateful we have them this year.
Hard yet holy.
Work is well and I am excited how our RCIA program is going so far. I am looking for some new opportunities to freelance write but nothing new has turned up yet.
I am honestly not looking forward to Advent and Christmas this year. I feel frustrated and sad when Advent is all about waiting for the coming of Jesus, and what am I waiting for? Well, I am waiting for my Dad to die.
I had this thought earlier today: Advent could still be a sacred time, even I don't really like or feel close to Jesus right now.There is something there but I am not sure yet what it is.
Hard yet holy.
Maybe there are parts of your life that feel hard and heavy.
I have a lot of feelings these days on lots of different things.
But even the hard is holy.
Hi there, friend.
I wish I knew your first name so that I could ask you how you are genuinely doing. I wish we were having an in-person conversation together, sharing our hearts over some good food or drinks, perhaps tucked away in a cozy corner of a restaurant.
I do not know why you find yourself single right now. Maybe you are slowly dipping your toes in the online dating world after losing your spouse or having your previous marriage declared null and void. Maybe you are trying CatholicMatch because all the blind dates seem to go nowhere or a friend suggested you give it a try. Maybe you know you are called to marriage but are frustrated that you are not finding the right person to share your life with.
Regardless of why life finds you single right now, it is not an easy time to be single around the holidays.
I know being single around this time of year can be most difficult and lonely from time to time. A time filled with such joy and celebration can feel lackluster when you do not have someone to share those moments with. I know I have felt that way since my own divorce, navigating dating again, being in serious relationships, and being single again.
Perhaps like me you desire to be married or know your vocation is marriage. Yet for whatever reason the circumstances of life have not led you to find that man or woman with whom you want to spend your life. That can feel equal parts frustrating, lonely, or confusing.
As we approach another holiday season, I want to leave you with some encouragement and hope. I want to speak truth into your heart and mind, even thought your feelings may feel a little bit all over the place.
Here is what I know is true about our God. The desire to share your life with someone is a good thing; both on an individual and collective level. God is present in our desires and He will move and act on them for our benefit. It may not be on our timeframe or even the way we want, but the desires of your heart matter to God. He sees them. He understands them.
I do not know why life finds you navigating another holiday season alone.
I do not know why my life has gone so differently than I imagined or why at 35 I have not yet found someone to share my life with. Even when it is hard, lonely or scary, I am choosing to cling to a promise that deep down in my soul I know is true.
Jesus is faithful. Jesus is kind. I am not forgotten by my God. My desires and hope matter to Him. I can trust in the slow work of God.
Read the rest over at the CatholicMatch Institute . . .
09
10
