What I Wish I Had Done Before Getting Married (and Divorced)

I shared this past weekend on retreat that at thirty three years old, I have never felt more whole and free than any other time in my life.
I know it has a lot to do with the last five -six years of dating, marriage, divorce, and now being single again.
There are so many lessons I wish I knew before I had gotten married, so many questions I wish I was brave enough to ask. But sometimes you only what you know when you know it.
I didn't know certain things in my late twenties, but now I am much more self-aware.
Counseling is a great way of helping you dig deep and acknowledge the broken pieces inside your heart and soul.
As I navigate things like dating and sexuality (in healthy ways), it causes me to reflect on what I wished I had done the first time around.

Here is what I have learned from these chapters of my life:
I wish  . . .

• Someone told me what healthy sexuality looks like in marriage, that is never about forcing or manipulation
• I had wiser, older women I could talk about really personal things like sex with and ask questions
• That I knew more about my own body as a woman 
• I had asked direct questions on my partner's sexual history, addiction, and addictive behaviors
• I knew its okay (even as a married woman) to use my voice to say "NO!" or "I am not comfortable with this..."
• I worked through wounds and baggage from my childhood and family or origin
• I learned about things like codependency or unhealthy relationship dynamics
• That I knew I was enough just the way I was or that I don't need a man to make me feel "happy" or "fulfilled"
• I was secure in my own body, soul, and spirit
• I was at home in my body

There are probably a lot more things I could add. 

Life experience has an odd way of sometimes being one of the most powerful catalysts for growth and inner healing. I know I have learned that.

I celebrate and thank God for the journey (sometimes an intense one at that!) He has me on.

It has refined me into a stronger, wiser, more courageous woman.

Perfect? Gosh no!

But more healed, whole, and free to be me the way I am? Absolutely.