The Advent Jesus & I Stopped Talking ( + what's new)

Why yes I am talking about Advent right smack in the middle of Lent.
Life has changed a lot over the last two months, most especially with my dad's rapid decline, entering hospice, and passing just over a month. Life has been finding a new, yet weird normal.
So anyway, let's back up a bit shall we?
The start to Advent was a bumpy one to say the least. A weeks prior I had broken up with a boyfriend. A good man, but in the end I realized it wasn't going anywhere. On top of that, I was wrapping my mind around the reality this Christmas holiday would be the last with our dad.
While Advent is usually my favorite liturgical season, this year I just felt sad, angry, and frustrated. Life felt like it was not in a place I wanted. I did not want to be single again and my dad was dying. I started grieving deeply for him even while he was still alive and with us.
To say I had a heart full of Advent hope and promise felt like a giant pile of poop, to say it mildly. 
Somewhere within the first week of Advent, I had a very direct and frank conversation with Jesus over my morning coffee. I was pretty honked off. Let's be honest, I was plain pissed off.
In so many (choice!) words, I told Jesus very honestly how I felt. 
I yelled and cried really hard. I told Jesus how sad and helpless I felt watching my dad die; how unfair it felt to know he would not be there with me physically to see me get married or baptize my babies.
I told Jesus I felt so sick and tired of watching life happen to others sometimes, how I hate finding myself in these difficult decisions where I discern it is best to end a relationship with a man. Almost yelling, I hollered at Jesus, "I just want to meet my person, my life partner. I want it to be three times the charm! I want this next time to be the time I meet my person."
I told Jesus how I felt, and honestly for the rest of Advent, we didn't talk much...like at all.
I kept praying daily on some level and was making my way through helpful spiritual reading my spiritual director had suggested for me. Yet, Jesus and I just stopped talking over Advent.
And yet, Advent felt very peaceful, almost freeing. I sat in a lot of silence. I did not really "do" much of anything extra. Somehow Advent felt sacred even if Jesus and I were in the middle of a Taylor Swift break-up song.
I spent Advent taking care myself, helping care for dad, and dipping my toes back into online dating.
The second week of Advent I got a message back from a handsome ginger on CatholicMatch. Hmmm, he was one of the cuties I dropped a note. Within the week we were texting and had a successful first FaceTime date. Another 5 hour FaceTime date and lots of texts later, he drove down from the west side of Michigan for our first date on 12/23.
And yes, we did Christmas presents for someone we had never met.The rest they say, is history. :) 
While it has only been three months, I can quite confidently say this is something quite different and special. I have both never laughed so hard or been treated with such love and attentiveness before. I think I found my lobster.
My sister has long said she always saw me ending up with someone more like myself in temperament and such. After the first time my mom meet Joe (which he met both my parents once before my dad died, which was so special), she shared she always wanted a ginger in our family someday. While its not anything official yet, I can say we're already seriously talking about those things.I mean he tells me quite often, "You know I am keeping you, right?"

So Advent brought on a new beau, and Jesus and I stopped talking.
Opportunities to do more writing online feel as though they have hit a brick wall in some ways. Some connections have fizzled out, though I have been helpful for some new ones on the horizon.
I did a podcast interview for my friend Beth's podcast.
Last night I signed up for the Detroit Marathon. This will be my third time running it, and this time Joe will be running it with me. His first!I am "toying" with the idea of trying CrossFit.
In March, I will be leading an RCIA retreat for a local parish. 
This Friday I will get my second Fauci Ouchie 2.0 (aka dose 2 of the Moderna vaccine).
As things have opened up more here in Michigan, I have been out to dinner with different friends.
I have been spending time with my mom, helping her find her new pace and way to life on her own.

So Advent brings us to Lent...
I am really not into treating Lent like a personal, spiritual improvement plan, which I have done in the past.
With so much changing for me in the last few months, this Lent I am asking and allowing the Father to love me in new ways, especially with the loss of my earthly dad.
I am sitting with that prayer/intention each morning and that has been just what my spirit needs right now.

What is new with you these days?
How is Lent treating you this year?

Sending you air high-fives and hugs during this season!

Advent, Bearing Light, & why I'm not just trying to sell you stuff

It is currently 82 degrees in southeast Michigan on October 8th. 

I have needed to turn the AC back on for at least the next day or so. When you live for fall, this feels absolutely insane.  I totally feel like I have been getting gypped on the weather department.
The good news is by the weekend it will be in the mid fifties.

Let's talk Advent, yes in October. If fall is my favorite season, Advent is my favorite liturgical season in Church year.
On Friday, Blessed is She released the new Advent devotional, Bearing Light. This year the author is Shannon Evans. She wrote a great blog post on her own blog describing the story behind the prayer and making of this year's Advent devotional. 

What I am most looking forward to in this Advent devotional, is that we will get a chance to dive more deeply into Mary's prayer, the Magnificat. There will also Lectio Divina prayer to related Scripture verses, as well as, three unique female saints who bear the the light of God out into the world.
Another way to order the Advent devotional is to order the Bearing Light Advent Bundle.  It is exquisite. 

This year's bundle includes: the devotional written by Shannon, an imago Dei canvas mini wristlet, and the Magnificat candle (which is made of frankincense and myrrh essential oils).
I have seen the candle in person. It smells amazing, and the packing it arrives in is equally beautiful.
Shannon is such a gifted writer and her own first book will be published this spring. I hope you'll join me and thousands of other women around the globe to prepare our hearts together this Advent.  And if you wouldn't mind using my affiliate links, I would be so very grateful. ;-)

Sometimes it feels weird to ask people to buy stuff through using my affiliate links, but I really try not do it a lot. And I only do so when there are products I personally use in my life and ones that I get excited about.
So I am not just trying to sell you stuff, honest. :)

It can feel crazy to talk Advent so early in the fall, but we all know it will arrive sooner than we think.

Have you started thinking about Advent yet?
What do you most look forward to in that liturgical season of the Church year?

More Than a Cute, Squishy Baby

Sometimes you just read things that leave you stumped.
My friend Shannon recently wrote a really good blog post on Advent and what we're really waiting on. Stop now. Go read it.
Okay, good? Proceed onward.
What really hit me like a brick was when Shannon talked about how how easy it is to love Baby Jesus. It is ridiculously easy to love Baby Jesus. 
In her post, she quotes another great article by Fr. Richard Rohr. This guy is a spiritual genius and one of my favorite writers on life and Christian spirituality.
I was making a joke yesterday at church with a friend that sometimes I wish the six weeks of Lent could be swapped out for the four weeks of Advent. Why? Well because I do the joy thing way better than fasting and repentance. Seriously it is easy to get excited about a baby who happens to be God then getting geeked up for no meat, fasting, and strengthening my will. 
Who gets excited about that?! #nothisgirl
Aside from the joking, I think deep down there is a lot there.
Why is it so easy to love the sweet, cuddly Baby Jesus?

Well like Shannon said because a sweet little baby doesn't threaten or challenge us. We look at love itself in the manger. We let Jesus love us and we simply love Him back. Yes that is a part of our story. Yes we need to do that.
But Jesus, the holy feast of Christmas is about more than a cute, squishy baby.
At Youth Group on Sunday we talked about the Incarnation (God becoming human like us in all things except sin). This truth is perhaps the most bold claim Christianity makes, no other world religion believes God became a human like us.
I told the teens that the message of Christmas is Jesus couldn't imagine a world or eternity without each of us. He became a human so that way He could show His love for us. He became human to unite himself to the human experience complete with all its joys, sorrows, hopes, and pain. 
And right now that is what I love most about Christmas. 
That my God knows me because he knew and lived the human experience. 
He wasn't far away in a palace like a warrior king the Jews had predicted the Messiah to be. Jesus knew rejection, sadness, anger, loneliness. He knew laughter, joy, confusion, and doubt. He had to learn how to properly use silverware or how to make friends. Maybe he had an awkward crush on a girl as a teenager. Maybe he was the fastest runner in races with schoolmates.  He experienced everything, except sin.
And to a hurting, broken world this promise still makes all the difference.
The prophet Isaiah says his name shall be Emmanuel, which means "God with us." This is Christmas. God with us.  Past, present, future, always.
On Christmas Eve I will go to midnight Mass with family. I will come home and put the newborn Prince of Peace on his bed of hay in my little creche. I will sing the carols and feel the warm fuzzies that always come with a sweet new-born baby.

But the promise of "God with us" outlasts the life of a Christmas tree or those warm fuzzies.
It is something we can hold onto and remember every other day of the year. 
And that is really, really good news.

Lessons from my Christmas Tree

I was a little anxious and nervous about decorating my apartment for Christmas this year.
Last year right before Thanksgiving I moved back to my parents. I didn't have to worry about decorating a home for the holidays since I was temporarily living in their basement. 
But this year is different. Its the first set of holidays in my new little home, by myself.

The weekend of Thanksgiving growing up was when we busted out the tree and played Andy Williams Christmas CD like it was never going out of style. It was always so magical, fun, and loud.
This year on the same weekend, I started unpacking the few Christmas decorations I saved. Shortly after, I just burst into tears (grief is a funny thing). Right away I was reminded that I would be decorating and baking and watching Christmas movies by myself this year. And that just royally sucked.
I let myself cry and be sad. I acknowledged the loneliness and that it feels crappy not having anyone to share this magical time of the year with. Eventually I got it together, made some tea and decided to give decorating a break and journal out the crazy making that started going on in my head.
Several days later I did put up a few things.
The Advent wreath is on the kitchen table. A small Christmas tree with clear twinkle lights sits on the table next to the couch. A small nativity scene is on the bookshelf and several Christmas-y scented candles are scattered around. 
One night I was sitting in the living room; candles lit and I was just enjoying the lights from the little tree sparkling.
I sat there admiring this humble little tree, and started thinking how symbolic it is of life right now for me. Its not big or grand and beautiful like every other Christmas tree I have had. I always wanted our tree to look perfect growing up. I was the nut job that had to have certain ornaments in the exact same position every year. Really who honestly remembers that stuff? Me.
My tree this year is not my dream tree, not the perfect tree I imagine in my mind like years past. It is small, simple, and humble. Life right now is not perfect. It is just different, a time of transition, learning, growing, and healing.
That's why I love Advent so much. 
Advent is a season of waiting and hope. It reminds me that the journey of life is full of seasons of waiting and doing, being still and living out of your mission. 
No season of life is permanent, is forever. 
But seasons of waiting prepare for the next chapter, the next season in our lives. Waiting is hard. But if we use it well, it can be such a an opportunity of growth and self-awareness.
I want to use my season of waiting well.
So I am learning to love this imperfect little tree, this time of life, and not wish it all away. Christmas will still be beautiful and magical this year even without someone to share it with. 
Because actually I am sharing it with someone. The one we are preparing our hearts for.
And spending this season of waiting with him right now is the best thing I can be doing.

Why Advent is like 'Breaking and Entering'

Yes it really is.
While my Dad was in seminary prior to his ordination, he had several classes with a nun named Sr. Mary Finn. She was sweet, kind, and had the most interesting experiences when it came to ministry with other people. Honestly, this sweet old thing could write books on all her unique experiences of serving others.
My Dad always told us this story to describe the season of Advent in a unique way, that Sr. Mary once shared in his class.
One Advent Sr. Mary was visiting her friend Lester who was in prison. Never having grown up in a family where faith was lived out or taught, he asked her what the season of Advent was all about. She stopped and thought for a minute, trying to think of a way to explain it in a way Lester would understand.
"Well Lester," she replied "Advent is like breaking and entering. Jesus breaks in and enters in your heart." Lester smiled. He got that.

Advent is like a break-in. God wants to break into our lives and for us to draw closer to Him. But He never forces us to be in relationship. There is so much in my own life to I need to allow God to break down, re-shape, and change in me. And Advent is a time for that; to let the broken parts of me be changed and made into something stronger. 

I cannot enter into something deeper with God if I'm not yet first broken down and humbled.

Advent is the beginning of the New Year, in relation to the liturgical calendar. And with the New Year, it gives us yet another opportunity to look at our life and where we are headed.


Where are you headed as this season of Advent begins? What needs to broken in you, so that God enter more in your heart? (For me, its all about my pride and thinking I am in total control ;-).

Christmas Traditions {Past and Present}

I grew up in a family where we had traditions it seemed for every little celebration; from Friday family game night to having a birthday cake for Jesus on Christmas, we knew how to celebrate life together as a family. Having special traditions was one of the unique things that made us the 'Breen family', it unified us and brought everybody together. When Jim and I got married, I was excited to make new traditions for our little family, while still treasuring the ones from my childhood.

Christmas time seems to always full to the brim of holiday memory making! And combining holiday traditions from my family of origin along with my new family has been a lot of fun to create along the way. Some of the best ones have been...

Making a birthday cake for Baby Jesus
Yup we were that family. Oh and did I forget to mention we also sang happy birthday and even had a chair set aside just for the birthday boy? I remember on one particular Christmas thinking how cool it was we got to have cake at breakfast on Christmas. Though I am quite sure my siblings and I probably teased my Mom for doing it, looking back I think how those actions helped remind us kids of what the true meaning of Christmas is all about. I'm not sure if I'll have enough time tomorrow to make a birthday cake, but we'll definitely bust out some chords of happy birthday.

Watching the wise men travel to Bethlehem
One of the most loved things for us kids to do was move the three wise guys around the living room/kitchen symbolizing their journey to see the newborn King. We took this job very seriously, especially when we were little. Somehow the wise men safely arrived every Epiphany, amid the dangerous twists and turns through the living room bookshelves...I guess I'm actually better at directions than I thought. Currently our three wise guys have left the bookshelf and are slowly making their way through couch terrain.

Breakfast feast for Christmas Eve dinner
On Christmas Eve my Dad would make smoked salmon on cedar log planks, it was amazing! When we got married, I knew I wasn't even about to try and do justice to my Dad's mad cooking skills. A fun tradition we began since year one of marriage is having breakfast food for dinner on Christmas Eve. No it is not just your typical bowl of cereal and yes we do it up all fancy like. The menu for this year? homemade hot chocolate, feta spinach quiche, and chocolate chip orange ricotta pancakes. Oh and bacon...because well, its bacon!

Christmas ornaments from traveling adventures
When my parents first got married they began to collect Christmas ornaments from all the places they traveled together. It was so cool growing up to look at our tree and see a story played out of all of Mom and Dad's fun times together. I always knew as I got older and hopefully traveled to do the same.
Its amazing to look at the tree in our apartment now and see ornaments from all the places I have traveled before I knew Jim. We've carried on this tradition too, and came home with plenty of ornaments from when we went to Alaska and Seattle for our honeymoon. I love to look at our tree and be reminded of shared memories and adventures together. Its crazy because already we have a tree pretty full of ornaments...give it a few more years and we may need a second tree!

Giving presents to Baby Jesus
In the kitchen hutch during Advent, my Mom kept a small bag of hay. Every night after before dinner, she asked us if we had anything to give Jesus that day (kind action, sharing with a sibling, helping Dad out, etc.). If we said yes, she gave us a small piece of hay to put in the empty manger so that way when Jesus was born he would have a nice warm bed to sleep in. So simple, but so sweet.


What are some of your family traditions this time of year? Share away! :)

Advent Ideas {How To Make the Season Holy}

Advent is my favorite liturgical season of the year. The joyful anticipation...excitement...hope...peace. In my family growing up, we had special traditions to help us as kids get ready for Baby Jesus' birthday, which often included a birthday cake on Christmas morning complete with candles and singing. Yup, we were that family.

One of the challenges of Advent for me as I gotten older is how to really celebrate Advent well; to live out the Advent season intentionally and with a proper disposition of heart. In the last few years, I have come to mix my Advent preparations with all the hustle n' bustle of the season.

I tend to not really celebrate Advent (other than lighting the Advent wreath at dinner) because I'm more focused on having the tree up and decorated right away or finishing the shopping/planning.

A lot of bloggers I follow have been talking about the way they celebrate with their families and its been giving me different ideas on how our family can better live out this Advent season.

Here's a sampling of ideas that I'm excited to try out this year:

Holding off on Christmas music...create an Advent play list on Pandora or Spotify

Public Service Announcement friends-I am not not anti-Santa, Jingle Bells, or Frosty the Snowman. I believe Santa and Jesus can happily co-exist together. But I started to realize that Advent and Christmas are actually two separate seasons. Mixing the two can happen so easily you may not even realize it at first. Advent is the four weeks that prepares us for the Christmas season.

So this year, I'm spicing things up and trying to focus on celebrating the season of Advent separately from Christmas. For me, that means holding off on jingle bells and Rudolph and listening to music that helps put me in the right mindset for Advent.
I recently made a play list on Pandora and am actually surprised how good it is! It includes all types of chant, traditional carols, and simple music to help focus my heart.
Once Christmas comes I'll be jingle bell rocking around with the rest of you...but I'm curious to try out this musical Advent experiment.


What to do with all those Christmas cards? Pray for a different family each night at dinner!
Everybody always seems to get an endless stream of Christmas cards during the month of December and early January. A few years back I read somewhere of the tradition of each night a new card is received, to spend a few minutes at dinner praying specifically for that family and their needs. After a family has been prayed for, then you can display the card with the rest.
Looking forward t adding this to the nightly lighting of our Advent wreath before having dinner!

Be intentional with using an Advent devotional

Obviously reading Gospel accounts of the birth of Christ is a grand place to start, but sometimes ya just need something else to help you stay engaged and focused. Last year I used this Advent devotional from Ann Voskamp and really really enjoyed it!! This year, I'll be using it again as well as an Advent devotional from Blessed Is She. Clearly, I was pretty stoked to see my copy come in the mail.

The devotional from BIS has all the daily readings for Mass + journal questions to prompt deeper thought and prayer + spacious room to write away your thoughts. You can order your Advent devo HERE and do so quickly...they are very near to selling out!!!
Whether its one of these two, or another one completely different, find some kind of devotional to use in the coming weeks of Advent.

Decorate your home for Advent
This one I have come to hear more about in the past few years. In my family growing up, we didn't really decorate for Advent. Our tree went up the day after Christmas, which was always a loud, joyful event in our home and holiday merriment started right after Turkey day. I still love the fun of putting up our tree right away, so we have more time to enjoy it, but in wanting to better celebrate Advent I want to decorate our home to reflect that.

So how does one decorate in a simple way for Advent? Well for starters an Advent wreath on the kitchen table is how we roll. I also have a small manger crib with a separate Baby Jesus I bought when I went to Assisi. I usually leave the crib empty out in a visible place (maybe the coffee table) as a reminder Jesus has not yet come, but we're excitedly waiting. On Christmas Eve, when Jim and I come home from church Jesus makes his grand entrance into his wee little crib.

Other ideas could include: setting out a Nativity display but keeping it empty till Christmas (even move the wise men around the living room showing them traveling to Bethlehem!), use the color purple in creating a simple banner to hang, and set out simple religious pieces to draw your mind to the reason for the season.
This year I want to hold off on certain decorations to put out until Christmas and have more simple decor out for Advent.


Crazy to think Advent starts this Sunday...hope your season is full of joy and peace!

What would you add to the list? How do you celebrate Advent in your home?