Three Things Andrew Garfield Teaches Us About Grief

As I experience the milestones of the first year after my dad's passing, I find myself curious about how grief can manifest in one's life. Whether it's in response to the loss of a parent, child, spouse, or significant other, grief is universally messy, painful, and raw. There is no one way to navigate it.Loss will inevitably touch each of our lives; it's necessarily part of the human experience.
Recently, I came across an interview with actor Andrew Garfield (you may know him better as Spider-Man) on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert. I have been following Garfield's work with interest and curiosity, so to hear him talk about the recent loss of his own mother touched me in a particular way.
What Garfield had to say about grief is bound to resonate with anyone who's experienced loss, recently or otherwise.

Grief is unexpressed love

Garfield beautifully referred to the grief he feels for the loss of his mother as "unexpressed love." When we grieve the loss of a loved one, a big portion of what we miss is never being able to hug or hold that person again, to laugh and smile and be silly together, to hear the sound of his or her voice.

It is all those moments we won't get to express our love, affection, and warmth and the end of being able to experience receiving those things from the person whose presence we are grieving.

In his heartfelt interview with Colbert, Garfield says, "I hope this grief stays with me because it's all the unexpressed love that I didn't get to tell her. And I told her every day."

You can read the rest over at Verily.

ten years

Ten years ago this month, I started a blog.
(Okay, technically it was January...so I am off one day!)
I remember another friend had started a blog sharing about her work in ministry and her new life as a wife and mom. I looked up to this person; in some ways, I wanted to be like her when I grew up. 

As I read her blog, I thought to myself, "This looks like fun. Gosh, I could do that!"
And so I started.

I started it about six months before my wedding. After getting married, I used it as a little spot to talk and reflect on marriage, my faith, and working in ministry.
Over the last ten years, this space has changed and evolved. In many ways, just like me.
I have went through divorce, annulment, dating and being single, career changes...pretty much a lot of the "big" adult things.
I have went through big changes here; healed, grown, and shifted.
From the time I was a little girl, I loved writing. When I began this space, I saw it as a creative outlet I could practice the art of writing. 
And you know what happened?

a 2012 Patty...

I discovered something in this little space - my soul came alive in new ways writing. It helped me find myself in deeper ways and became a way to process and navigate hard things in my life.
I did it just for me, for Patty. Not knowing where it would take me. 

Yes, blogging has led me to opportunities to write more professionally online and speak from time to time. Those experiences enriched me as a woman and I am grateful for opportunities to be paid for my work.
However, those experiences alone do not keep me writing. 
I keep writing because I love it. I keep writing because it is a fire in my soul, my blue flame if you will. I keep writing because it helps me feel more connected to my own heart, my spirit, and to God.

a 2022 Patty

This humble little space has done more good for me than I anticipated. 
Happy anniversary, little blog. Happy anniversary, writing life. Happy anniversary, sweet dream I never let die.
You brought me more than I ever expected: a deeper sense of being connected to myself and the heart of Divine love.

What Does It (Really) Mean to Be a Feminine Woman?

When you heard the word femininity, what comes to mind?
There was a period in my life if you had asked me that question I would have answered something like: being quiet, reflective, wearing dresses, etc. 
Growing up, one of the harmful messages I hd to let go and undo over time was unhelpful messaging about what it meant to be a little girl, to be feminine. 
There are very particular memories I have where my mom would repeatedly remind me to be a good girl, a quiet girl and act ladylike. 
"Remember," mom would say to me, "Nobody like a loud girl."
While her intention was not to hurt me, my sensitive Patty heart absorbed unhelpful (and unhealthy) messages about what it meant to be a girl.
As I have gotten older, I can see how this instance was one of the most hurtful messages I absorbed as a little girl and carried with me into my early twenties.
What I heard in those words was, "Be different from who you are. Act a certain way or people will not accept or like you."
"Being loud equals being bad."

Why share such a personal story with you?
Because sometimes I feel in Catholic circles there is a false perception of what it means to be feminine, to be a woman.
To be feminine is never a one-size fits all prescription. It looks different for every woman because we are all unique and none of us are the same.

Head over to Catholic Match to read the rest ...