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ReplyDeleteHello, I came across your blog thanks to the BIS community. I really loved it and decided to read what other things you like to write about. With that said, I find it refreshing how honest you are about your divorce. I'm sure it there are days harder than some. But it is so admirable. I had some questions I wanted to ask but just blanked out right now. 😒when I do remember I'll message you. God bless Patty
ReplyDeleteHi, you actually have a link to a porn site that someone added in a comment under your article on the negative effects of porn. Perhaps it was put there by a "bot." Just FYI, Dennis
ReplyDeleteHi Patty,
ReplyDeleteI was reading your post about annulment at Catholic Match, "Why an Annulment Is Not a 'Catholic Divorce'.” With the non-profit organization, Mary's Advocates, I work to reduce unilateral no-fault divorce and support those who are unjustly abandoned. With no-fault divorce the determination of obligations of parties toward each other and their children disregards the serious commitments parties "said" they were making at the time of consent.
Would you share your e-mail address, so I could correspond with you more and include embedded links to info on our website.
Sincerely Yours in Christ,
Bai Macfarlane
Director Mary's Advocates
Hi Patty, I saw your article << https://www.catholicmatch.com/institute/2019/08/divorced-catholics-yes-you-really-need-that-annulment/ >> started with this, "First of all, I want to you to know regardless of the situation after your divorce (civilly remarried, dating, or annulled) I am not here to judge or shame you."
ReplyDeleteDid you know that our own Code of Canon Law requires that no one is supposed to file for divorce without first BEING JUDGED BY THE CHURCH. Every time a divorce occurs, one or both spouses are reneging on the marriage promises - which is very serious. We can't rely on the government secular courts to decide the obligations of Mom and Dad toward each other and the children.
In a lot of divorce cases, the Defendant has done nothing grave to justify separation and the no-fault divorce courts don't care. Please rethink about how you write about divorce.
Hi Bai and Patty,
DeleteI just thought I would state my experience with the Catholic Church and my divorce, before I was divorced in defense of Patty. Before I separated, I spoke with a priest. He affirmed that what I as happening was not acceptable in marriage. I had therapy with and without my spouse for years. My counselor advocated for years that I leave before I was dead from the stress of it all-my health was deteriorating quickly by the time I left. He later testified as part of my annulment process. He stated things that were true about my experience that I did not tell the church due to fear, shame and not wanting to “go there.”
As soon as I separated, I contacted the Church to ask about the annulment process. They told me to contact them after I was civilly divorced. That was all that I can remember. They did not ask much more than “had I tried counseling”. I don’t know what else I was to do. They did not have a clear plan for me to go through any type of “process” before divorcing.
I guess what I am saying, the Dioceses need to be clearer about such processes as it wasn’t when I asked, before I divorced civilly. In fact, I felt like they weren’t going to get involved until that was done.
On a personal note, I hoped an prayed for my annulment. But, if I had not gotten one, I couldn’t have stayed either. It really wasn’t a marriage. But, in a civil court, it would not have looked like there was anything gravely wrong, as I covered so much for so long. One really does not I now what goes on behind closed doors, even when it seems one way to another. My former spouse didn’t “get it”; therefore, there’s no fault, or I should say it is all my fault I left. I left so I could be alive to raise my sons. It has been very easy for others to judge me as he slanders me to just about anyone who will listen to him. But, in my case, I would argue, we as a church don’t really help those in my position well. Someone should have affirmed my experience in or out of the confessional and what I got instead was homilies about how to keep accepting bad behavior and forgive, not protect yourself and your children. I feel like I was affirmed by being a doormat.
I thank you, Patty, for your real witness and the support you are giving to others. I feel relief and kindness in your messages. I don’t feel as a lone.
Bai, I appreciate your desire to try to save marriages and for wanting to help those who were left empty-handed. It is a kindness as well. I just would caution you that not everyone’s ability to empathize is the same and I suspect that is a reason for some of your “blind-sided” clients.
Take care both of you and God bless your ministries,
Kathy
Hi Patty,
ReplyDeleteI stumbled across your blog yesterday and it filled me with hope and encouragement for what I am currently going through. I would love to have your email!
God bless,
Sophie